The Sun Will Rise
by whispered-ocean
Summary: Arizona's life was in so many pieces she didn't even know how to begin putting it back together, until one day, in her darkest moment she realized – she didn't have to do it alone. Arizona. Eventual Callie/Arizona.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** The Sun Will Rise

 **Rating:** T – mentions of triggering situations – sexual assault, overdose, PTSD.

 **Pairing:** Eventual Arizona/Callie.

 **Summary:** Arizona's life was in so many pieces she didn't even know how to begin putting it back together, until one day, in her darkest moment she realized – she didn't have to do it alone. Arizona. Eventual Callie/Arizona.

 **AN:** This is my first foray into posting fanfiction, I've written it on and off for years before I even realized it was fanfiction I was writing, this story will start dark but it will not always be that way. I promise. I am not a doctor but Grey's is a medical show so I have tried my best to make the medical speak as accurate as possible but this is also un-beta'd as I have no idea how to find one so all mistakes are mine, thanks in advance.

 _hello darkness my old friend_

 _i've come to talk with you again_

 _because a vision softly creeping_

 _left it's seeds whilst I was sleeping_

 _and the vision that was planted in my brain_

 _still remains_

1.

The sounds of Seattle swirled beneath her as Arizona Robbins staggered closer to the edge, the light blurring beneath her as she closed her eyes, losing herself in the painful memories that threatened to consume her.

"Arizona," the familiar voice of April Kepner, one of her only remaining friends in Seattle filtered through the stillness of the rooftop, breaking her free from her haunting trip down memory lane.

Opening her eyes Arizona focused her attention on the street below her as a red car pulled to a stop outside the very building she was perched atop. She could hear her friend's familiar, confident footsteps edging towards her until she was so close she could almost feel her breath on her neck.

Reaching out April rested her hand on her shoulder, letting it drop as her friend's body tensed at the contact. "Arizona. Dr. Robbins, it's freezing up here, why don't you come inside?"

Lifting the almost empty vodka bottle Arizona took a long swig, the clear liquid burning its way down her throat, an action that she repeated until the liquid was gone, swaying on her feet as her prosthetic almost slipped out from under her, she dropped the bottle to the floor, sending a loud smashing sound echoing across the rooftop as the pieces shattered at her feet.

April could feel her heart hammering in her chest as she watched her body sway dangerously close to the buildings edge. "Arizona. Please step away from the edge."

"I like it here," Arizona shrugged, her voice sounding as broken as she felt.

Desperate for a way to help her obviously distraught friend April ran through the events of the last few hours, starting with the moment that a distressed Alex had called her begging her to help and ending with her stood on the roof watching as one of the strongest people she knew teetered on the edge.

"Arizona, I know you're hurting right now but New York is … it's not the other side of the world, you'll still get to see Sofia as often as you like," April tried, not knowing what else to say.

"She hates me," Arizona stammered.

April reached out again, this time taking Arizona's freezing hand in hers. "She loves you."

Shaking her head Arizona wiped furiously at her face as tears fell freely down her too pale cheeks, hating herself for showing weakness. "She thinks I gave up on her, that I let her go, she has no idea how hard I fought for her because if she did then she would hate Callie … so she hates me instead."

"Why don't we go inside?" April suggested. "It's freezing out here and you have nothing but a scrub top on," she pointed out.

Arizona shook her head, bending down on unsteady feet and picking up a bottle of wine that she had placed there just moments before April had joined her. "I like it here," she whispered, repeating her earlier statement.

"At least step away from the edge, it's not safe up here, not with the wind as strong as it is and you're not looking very steady on your feet," April tried, desperate to get her to safety.

Arizona looked down at the street, her feet just inches from the edge as she lifted the bottle to her lips, her hands shaking so much that the contents splashed out the top leaving a trail of blood red liquid seeping into her scrub top. "Foot," she laughed bitterly. "I'm free here. It's like I'm standing on the edge between life and death and no one gets to choose which way I go but me. I get to make all the choices here April, step back or step forwards, one choice, one step, two very different endings but I'm in control … I have all the control here, me, me, me and only me."

Confused and terrified by her words April tightened her grip. "How about we sit down eh? Talk?"

"Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, I wanted Callie to talk …well I wanted her to listen whilst I talked but she wouldn't she was so mad, I tried to tell her that I was sorry, that what happened was a mistake and I thought she understood, I thought she had forgiven me but then she walked away, just walked away, fell in love with someone else and took my daughter to New York," Arizona replied, her words nearly as jumbled as her emotions.

"I'll listen, for as long as you need me to," April offered. "Just please, step away from the edge and hand me the bottle," she pleaded.

For the first time since she'd joined her on the roof Arizona turned to face her friend. "Why? It's mine."

"Don't you think you've had enough?" April tentatively suggested, not wanting to upset her more than she already was.

Arizona shook her head. "No. When it all stops then I've had enough."

Not knowing what else to do April reached out to wrap her arms around her, hoping to offer her broken friend a little comfort in her distraught state. What she wasn't expecting however was the violence of her reaction.

"Don't touch me," April growled as she pushed April away from her, the force of her actions sending her dangerously close to the edge.

Torn between wanting to respect her wishes and needing to bring her to safety April decided that her safety needed to come first as she reached out and grabbed her arms, pulling her almost limp body away from the edge and into the middle of the roof.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Arizona but I couldn't let you fall," April whispered into her ear as she lowered Arizona's shaking body to the floor and held her close.

Arizona weakly struggled in her arms, too exhausted to fight properly. "Stop. Please. Stop … I said … stop … please … don't hurt me."

Her words pierced through her heart in a way April didn't think possible as she loosened her grip on the other woman, just enough to let her know that she was listening but not enough to allow her to run.

Arizona could feel the coldness of the ground creeping into her bones as she tried to catch her breath, the rational part of her mind knew that April wasn't a threat, that she was just trying to help her, but the fear was overwhelming as flashes of past events danced across her mind, taking her to a place she never wanted to go again; a place full of fear, pain and hopelessness.

Wrapping her arms around herself in a self-protective manner she tried to stop the bile from rising but it was no use as she found herself bending forward, her body convulsing as she brought up what little she had managed to eat over the last 48 hours.

When she was finished she sat up straight, her eyes darting around as if she was constantly on the lookout for an invisible threat that only she could see, her mind spinning and her heart racing as starbursts of light started to flash before her eyes, her breath coming in short, sharp bursts, hyperventilation a real possibility as she struggled to catch her breath.

"April," she wheezed, her head suddenly feeling too heavy to hold up as she practically collapsed against her.

April didn't know what to do except pull Arizona closer to her, hoping that the steady, gently rhythm of her own breathing would help ease her distress. "I'm here."

Her words barely registered with Arizona as the colors faded in and out around her and the sky tilted before her, the darkness of the night and the brightness of the stars taking her back to a different time and place. Suddenly she was no longer on the rooftop of the place she had called work for many years, instead she was huddled in a dark room, pleading and begging with a faceless evil as he crawled on top of her, clawing at her with a violence she had never imagined possible.

And then as quickly as it started the flashback finished and Arizona found herself looking into the familiar eyes of her closest friend. "No, let me go … I need to go … I need to make it all stop."

"You need to breathe," April countered, trying to stay strong and in control of the situation despite the fact her heart and soul were shattering as the pieces started to fall into place, creating a picture that she never wanted to see.

Shaking her head Arizona tried to break free from her friend's hold. "No. No breathing … I don't deserve to live."

"You deserve the world Arizona," April whispered into her ear as she held Arizona's body close to her, her tiny frame trembling with such force she thought she would break.

"I … no …no … breathing … stupid … hate … over … gone."

Her words were pained as she struggled to control her breathing, her head spinning as the lack of oxygen getting to her lungs began to reach a critical point.

"Breath with me," April instructed her panic growing as her struggling stopped and she collapsed against her.

Arizona's eyes fluttered open tiredly as the world seemed to disappear from view. "Can't … stop …"

As if really looking at her broken form for the first time April watched as exhaustion finally overtook the fetal surgeon and she succumbed to the blackness, the heaving of her chest slowing to a gentle, rhythmic pattern. Leaning forward she cradled her in her arms, alarmed at how cold her body was, she'd always been pale but in the glow of the moonlight her skin was practically transparent and her normally blood red lips were void of any color.

"It's going to be ok," April whispered into her ear as she motioned over to the fire escape where Alex and Richard stood, motioning towards Alex she untangled herself from her friend as Alex carried her with ease down from the roof and back into the hospital, taking an abandoned corridor to avoid Arizona once again becoming the center of gossip as they finally arrived at Richard's office.

April was the first to speak. "What was all that about?"

Lying Arizona down on the well-worn couch Alex placed a finger over his lips warning everyone to keep their voices down as he grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around her still shivering body.

Once he was satisfied that she was safe he motioned for April and Richard to follow him to the other side of the room.

"Now obviously I'm the only one out of the loop here so does someone mind cluing me in on what is going on?" April demanded to know.

Alex and Richard shared a guilty look.

"What happened up on the roof?" Richard asked, his gaze shifting between April and Alex.

Licking her suddenly dry lips April puffed out her cheeks before speaking. "I don't know… she's a mess."

"She's not a mess she's just drunk," Alex lied, not wanting April to push the subject further.

Shaking her head April sat down in one of the chairs. "No. This is more than that, something happened to her … something that has … she's broken, I don't know what happened tonight but whatever it was it sent her over the edge, she's dealing with something big … I don't know for how long but tonight … she was on the edge, literally."

"April please, don't push this," Alex pleaded.

April looked up at her colleague. "You called me Alex … you called me … I dropped everything … just like you asked, I deserve an answer."

"Arizona and Callie had a fight," Alex whispered.

April frowned. "Callie's in Seattle?"

"No," Alex sighed.

"Over the phone, Arizona was supposed to be in New York but she couldn't get on the plane," Richard interjected, realizing how much April was struggling with seeing her friend in such a distressed state.

April's eyes narrowed. "Surely Callie understand, getting on a plane is … hard for her, really hard, Callie must know that better than anyone."

"Callie said that she should never have promised if she had no intention of getting on the plane, that enough promises had been broken," Richard whispered, as he looked over at his sleeping friend, as much as he hated getting involved in personal matters Arizona Robbins meant a lot to him.

"What exactly does that mean?" April asked when Richard didn't continue.

"From what I can understand Callie is mad about the way Arizona handled the aftermath of the court case," Alex began, picking up the story where Richard had left off. "She's mad that Arizona took a leave of absence for 4 weeks and didn't tell her, she's mad that she arrived back unannounced just as they were leaving nearly making them miss their plane … "

From across the room a small, tired voice spoke. "She thinks I don't care. I fought her with everything I had to keep my daughter in my life and she … she thinks I've walked away. I knew when Callie first mentioned New York that it would be like this, that getting on a plane would be hard. I also knew that she wouldn't exactly put our 6-year-old daughter on a plane every other weekend by herself. I was upset … I went to a bar and I drank … a lot."

"I must have passed out," Arizona continued. "When I woke up I was in my house and it hurt so much that I knew straight away what had happened … the pain … my clothes were gone … I called Callie so many times but she didn't answer, she was probably too busy celebrating with Penny so … I panicked and I needed to get out of there but my leg was broken and I couldn't move and then Alex was there …I was sat on my bathroom floor for 48 hours before he found me because my leg was broken and I was too weak to pull myself to the phone or chair," Arizona wheezed as her whole body shook with a cough.

Alex watched as Arizona struggled to continue, sitting down on the couch he kept his distance. "I went to her place to check on her, when I got there the door was open, there was a broken glass on the floor and I heard a noise from upstairs … I knocked but there was no answer … so I went in … she was on the floor … I knew straight away; the bruises, the way she was shaking and her eyes, they were so haunted. I tried to help her stand up but she panicked and threw up all over me."

"I wanted Callie, I know it wasn't rational, we hadn't been together in so long but I just knew that she could make me feel safe," Arizona remembered, picking up the story for Alex, her breath coming in short, sharp wheezes. "But I couldn't speak, everything was such a blur and I could see Alex's mouth moving but I couldn't hear what he was saying and then … when I woke up I was at Seattle Pres," she sobbed her whole body shaking.

April was by her side in seconds, taking her friend into her arms as she cried herself to sleep for the second time that night.

Closing his eyes Alex stopped, almost as if he was trying to go back to that time and change the outcome of events.

"When we got to Seattle Pres … she was shivering so badly I thought she was having a seizure and under the harsh glare of the hospital lights … the bruises were … it was bad. She had a fever of 103, broken ribs, internal bruising and she just kept mumbling over and over again about how Callie could never know that she broke her vows again," he explained, his eyes bright with tears.

"I tried calling Callie over and over again but she wouldn't answer and then when she was more lucid Arizona didn't want her to know anymore … she said that Callie had moved on and she was nothing to her anymore, that perhaps everyone was right and it was for the best that Sofia went to New York with Callie because everything she touched ended up broken or dead," Alex continued.

Richard looked down at the sleeping, double-board certified surgeon who was probably one of the most brilliant women he had ever known and he had known a lot of brilliant women in his time. "She called me the next day, told me … most of what had happened and asked for a leave of absence, I agreed as long as she promised to stay in touch, which she did. I needed to know she was safe."

"I don't think she'll ever feel safe again," April whispered.

Balling his fists up Alex clenched his teeth together. "Nobody will get anywhere near her ever again."

April watched as the pediatric surgeon's face turned an angry shade of red, whilst it might seem to the outside eye that he was uncaring, standoffish and not exactly the most sensitive of people. It was obvious to all of them that it was destroying him to know that someone had broken her in the worst way possible.

Broken; the word seemed to echo around her head. Broken was never a word any of them would have associated with Arizona, she was the perky, heely-wearing surgeon who brought her patients desert because it made them smile. She had survived being faced by a gunman, a car crash in which she had nearly lost her fiancé and newborn daughter. She had lost her leg in a plane crash, learnt how to live with a prosthetic, fought through PTSD and debilitating phantom limb pain. She had survived the breakdown of her marriage whilst mastering one of the hardest surgical specialties in less than a year. She was hardcore, unbreakable. She was Arizona Robbins.

"What happens now?" Richard wondered, asking the question that was on everyone's minds.

April sighed. "I don't know."

"What happened tonight?" Richard questioned. "She was doing so well and then … I know she had an argument with Callie but … what happened Alex?"

April watched as Arizona shivered and curled into herself, her skin shining with sweat as she muttered nonsensical words. Reaching out she gently rested her palm on Arizona's head. "She's burning up."

Alex mirrored her action. "Should we wake her up?"

"I don't want to startle her," April worried.

"We can't just leave her," Alex countered. "She was up there with no shoes or jacket; it's below freezing out there."

"I know," April agreed, sitting down on the empty space next to her. "Arizona. Arizona," she whispered, running her hand softly through her hair.

Arizona's eyes slowly fluttered open. "Callie?"

"No, it's me April," the trauma surgeon whispered, her heart breaking at how, even after nearly 2 years apart her ex-wife was still the first name the on the fetal surgeons lips in her time of need.

Closing her eyes against the sudden brightness she pushed herself into a sitting position, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders as she shivered against the chill.

"My head," Arizona mumbled.

"You're probably going to have one hell of a hangover, vodka and wine should never be mixed," Alex pointed out his tone even, soft and free from any judgment.

Richard was the first to address the question on everyone's lips. "Arizona what happened tonight?"

"'m gonna be sick," Arizona mumbled, her face looking even more pale than before as she bolted forward on the couch and leaned over before she threw up all over the floor.

All eyes turned to face the fetal surgeon as she leaned heavily against the couch, her face pale, her hands shaking and her eyes glazed with fever as a loud, painful cough shattered through her thin frame.

Alex was on his feet in seconds, running some tissue paper under the tap he placed it on the back of her neck. "It's ok, you don't have to tell us unless you're ready."

Arizona leaned heavily against April, her breaths pained and labored as she fought to control her coughing. "Please, I…"

"Oh my God," Alex exclaimed, unable to believe that he hadn't spotted it sooner as his eyes rested on the subtle bulge of Arizona's stomach. "You're pregnant?"

Richard glared at the younger man before turning his attention to Arizona. "Arizona," he whispered. "Is it true? Are you pregnant?"

Tears streamed angrily down her face as she nodded, too afraid to look up and meet anyone's gaze. "Yeah."

Realizing that the whole situation was more of a mess than any of them could even begin to comprehend April chose not to say anything instead she stood up and ran her silk scarf under the tap, walking over to Arizona she sat down on the other side of her and placed it on her feverish friend's head.

"Arizona. Talk to us please," Richard pleaded; terrified of what toll recent events might have taken on the health of both Arizona and her unborn child. After all she had spent God knows how long on a rooftop in Seattle in below freezing temperatures, not to mention the vodka and wine she had made her way through before passing out.

Arizona opened her eyes slowly. "What else is there to say? I'm a pregnant whore who deserves what she gets."

"Don't say that," April insisted stunned at the total un-Arizona like language. "Don't even think it Arizona, you do not deserve any of this."

"It's true," Arizona cried. "I should have fought but I didn't, I didn't stop him."

Alex reached up and wiped at her tears. "That is not true. You know what the hospital said, you were drugged Arizona, this is not your fault if you ever believe anything in your life believe me when I say you are not to blame for this, what happened to you it's … one of the worst things anyone could possibly experience-"

"You don't know … you don't know what I did … what happened … I should have … I … oh God …"

Arizona's words were abruptly cut off as a loud, painful cough shook her whole body sending fresh tears streaming down her face as she bent forward and threw up all over the floor again, not having the strength or energy to even try and make it to the sink.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry … You shouldn't have to put up with this, you should leave … you shouldn't have too you should leave, actually it's your office Richard, I should leave," Arizona stammered trying to push herself into a standing position.

"Accidents happen Robbins, we're your family and what's a little bit of mess between friends," Richard reassured her.

Arizona nodded. "Ok."

Silently Alex set about cleaning up the mess as April held Arizona close to her, afraid to let her go for fear of what she would do to herself. "As soon as you're ready Arizona we are all here to listen."

"You'll hate me," Arizona whispered.

April ran her hand soothingly through Arizona's hair. "We could never hate you. Like The Chief said we're family."

"'m tired," Arizona yawned, feeling physically and emotionally drained.

"Then sleep," April instructed as she shuffled over so her head was resting in her lap, the burning of her skin a harsh reminder of how sick she currently was.

Once April was sure Arizona was asleep she voiced her biggest fear. "How is she going to have his … his baby?"

Three hearts stopped beating at once as April finally said what everyone was thinking.

"I don't know," Richard breathed, his heart breaking to think that someone had hurt Arizona in such a way.

April held her finger up to her lip as Arizona began to stir, her whole body shaking with the effort it was taking her to get air in and out of her lungs. "That does not sound right."

"Pneumonia?" Richard questioned.

"Probably," April agreed.

Alex watched as Arizona snuggled closer into April. "We should take her to get examined, she probably needs antibiotics at least."

"No. No tests," Arizona stuttered, her eyes half flickering open.

Adjusting her slightly in her arms April smiled softly. "How long have you been awake?"

"Long enough," Arizona wheezed.

"We're just concerned about you," April explained.

Arizona nodded her head tiredly. "I just need to sleep."

"Robbins, you need more than sleep, you need to see a doctor," Richard suggested. "That cough of yours does not sound like it's going to go away on its own."

Slowly, as if it was made of lead Arizona shook her head. "Not going … you're all doctors."

Even though they all knew she was right Richard was the only one to speak. "Robbins. Arizona…we are doctors but we're also your friends, you need medical attention, maybe even admission."

"Please don't. Please don't make me go," Arizona sobbed her eyes wide and wild with panic.

Wrapping her arms around her April pulled her back into her. "I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to but you're not well Arizona, you have a fever, a horrible cough and you also have the baby-"

"I can't think about that right now," Arizona admitted her voice barely audible.

"Ari-"

"Thinking about it means thinking about how it got there," Arizona explained, looking down at her hands for fear of what she would see in her friends' eyes.

April could almost feel the emotions running through her as she let herself go back to that moment. "Arizona we are all here for you, as soon as you're ready to talk … we're here. But just … you need to let us help."

After that April remained silent, holding her close so that she knew she was there and she wasn't going anywhere but being conscious not to say anything for fear that Arizona would retreat back into herself.

"It's not even here and already I am the worst mother in the world," Arizona wheezed.

"Please don't talk like that. I know it may seem hopeless right now but things will get better," April tried to assure her, even though she knew there was no guarantee.

"He's never going to be gone," Arizona whispered. "Part of him is still here … growing inside me and I don't even know who he is … this monster … this faceless figure … these hands clawing at me … a laugh that haunts my every moment … he … he's never going to go away … the drink … it makes the noises stop but then I wake up and he's still there … I tried to make it go away … the drink … the pills … but it's still here," Arizona sobbed, her whole body shaking with fever and exhaustion.

As her words registered with him Richard felt his heart skip a beat. "Arizona. Please tell me you didn't …"

"I tried," Arizona admitted. "I had a plan, I was going to make it go away, make me go away but it didn't work … I woke up."

"Rob-"

Arizona shook her head, cutting Richard off. "Please. Don't look at me like that. I failed ok. I'm still here. I failed at that just like I failed at everything else. I'm already failing this … this … ba … this … just like I'm failing Sofia. I don't deserve children. I don't deserve anyone"

"When did you take the pills?" Alex asked.

"This morning," Arizona admitted. "But I threw them straight back up. It seems like already this … thing … is making all the decisions for me."

Alex couldn't help but notice how Arizona refused to acknowledge her unborn child as anything more than a thing, she was a fetal and pediatric surgeon, she saved children and unborn babies every day, she loved being around them, "Arizona. Robbins, please promise me you will never do anything like that again and that if you ever feel that way again you'll talk to me, to anyone."

"I'm just so tired, all the time," Arizona sighed, curling her legs up under herself.

April ran her hand through Arizona's hair, the heat radiating off of her reminding her once again just how sick she really was. "I know you said no doctors but I really think we need to get you checked out, even if it's one of us that does it; the fever, the cough, the pills, the baby … did you see anyone after … the … were you tested?"

"After the … incident … at Seattle Pres they did all the tests … but since then … no," Arizona admitted, her eyes fluttering shut as exhaustion once again threatened to take over her.

"Arizona?" April prompted. "Please nothing too invasive I promise, just a blood test and an x-ray," she suggested.

Richard had an idea that might make things easier. "We can go to the 5th floor, the lift is directly outside and although it's being renovated the rooms are set up, no one has access but me. We have everything we need there and that way no else need ever find out."

"Please Arizona for me?" April pleaded.

Arizona could hear the desperation in her voice, after everything that had happened recently she knew they were right, and she also knew that saying yes was the only way to get them to give her some space. "Ok."

"Ok. Good. I'll go ahead, double check the coast is clear," Richard suggested, knowing that way they could hopefully be in and out in less than an hour.

"April-"

"We're coming with you Arizona, you don't even have to ask," April reassured her.

Alex cautiously ran his hand through Arizona's hair. "You're stuck with us."

Closing her eyes Arizona allowed herself to feel comforted by the familiar presence of her friends, her village in Seattle might be small but it was her village and right now she needed that.

"Someone needs to talk to Callie," April said, finally addressing the real elephant in the room, once Arizona's steady yet labored breathing reassured him she was asleep.

Letting out a strangled laugh Alex shook his head. "She doesn't want her to know."

"She was her wife, they have a child together," April reminded him.

"Well she has a funny way of showing it," Alex raged, barely able to conceal the anger he felt towards the orthopedic surgeon and all the heartache she had caused by uprooting her daughter for a relationship that by all accounts was barely hanging on.

"She should still know," Richard agreed stepping back into the room, whilst he might not have been Callie's biggest fan after the way she had torn into Arizona for being unable to get on the plane. He also knew that she and Sofia were probably two of the only people that could reach Arizona right now.

"It's not our secret to tell," Alex reminded him. "Unless Arizona wants us to and right now all she wants to do is get drunk and make everything go away… don't you think she's already had enough of people making her do things she doesn't want to," he whispered, his heart breaking at what his friend and mentor had been through and was still going through.

"This is hardly the same thing," Richard argued. "Callie was her wife, they shared a life together, a daughter together and you saw the way she called out for her tonight. She needs her family here."

April rolled her shoulders trying to relieve the cramp. "Yeah and not in New York. But Callie took that decision all by herself, she took their daughter to the other side of the country knowing how hard it would be for Arizona to see her."

As Arizona slowly started to wake up Richard held his hand up, putting an end to the discussion. "Arizona needs to come first. Right now, we need to make sure she's ok and that … that she's ok and when she's feeling stronger then we can talk."

April and Alex nodded as they watched her fight the pull of sleep.

April slowly helped Arizona in to a sitting position. "You ready?"

Arizona nodded. "Yeah."

GA – GA – GA

Sitting in his office Richard looked at the pictures on his desk, there was one of the GSMH staff he had taken during a dinner party he and Catherine had held, Callie had her arm around Arizona as she rested her head on her shoulder a contended smile spread across her lips. Things were so simple then, Arizona looked happy, carefree and most of all she looked safe nestled in Callie's arms, like nothing could ever hurt her.

Looking up he watched as Alex entered the office. "The x-ray and bloods are done I had one of the interns take them to the lab, labelled as Jane Doe just in case, now we just have to wait for the results."

"What did the x-ray show?" Richard asked unable to hide his concern.

"A nasty right sided consolidation plus some patchy areas in the left lower lobe, which means it's probably bacterial. Also she's pretty wheezy, she said you used to suffer from childhood asthma but hasn't had any flare ups since she was 7, so she probably has bronchitis too which is causing the wheeze. April set her up with an albuterol treatment which seems to have given her some relief," Alex sighed. "She needs to be admitted, I know her oxygen levels are holding steady but … she's in a bad way, she should be in a hospital."

"She has us, we can make sure she's not on her own," Richard suggested.

Alex nodded. "I know I was against calling Callie but-"

"She went to the airport, she was hurting, terrified and … sick, she tried to get on the plane, she got as far as the boarding gate, but the panic was too much and Callie wouldn't even try to listen, Torres isn't in the right head space now to be what Arizona needs," Richard explained after having time to think about he had changed his mind, right now after going over recent events he thought that calling Arizona's ex-wife was one of the worst things they could do. Picking up the picture on his desk and sighing sadly.

"She's lucky to have you," Alex smiled.

Downstairs in the exam room Arizona watched as her hand shook, almost as if it had a life of its own. "Can you er … get Richard?"

"Sure," April agreed, leaving Arizona alone as she went to get Richard

Minutes later Richard stepped into the room. "Is everything ok?"

"I need to see it, make sure it's ok," Arizona explained, motioning over towards the ultrasound machine.

"Are you sure?" Richard asked.

Arizona nodded. "I need to see it before I can make a decision and I can't move on with my life until I've made a decision. I need to see that it is real."

"Ok," Richard agreed as he started up the machine.

As she lifted up her shirt Arizona felt her breath catch in her throat, although she knew April and Richard would never hurt her she felt her heart rate increase at being so exposed in front of other people. "Sorry," she apologized.

Both doctors shook their head as Richard moved the wand slowly across the screen Arizona closed her eyes, unable to look as the older surgeon clicked away, measuring various parts of the baby before pausing it.

"Arizona," April gently coaxed.

Arizona opened her eyes, after the pills and booze she couldn't help but feel like a convicted felon waiting to find out if they were going to be found guilty or not guilty. "Well?" she asked, unsure if she was ready to even hear the answer.

"Look at the screen Arizona," April whispered.

Arizona closed her eyes, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. "April … please … don't do this."

"You need to see this Arizona, you said so yourself that you need to see for yourself," April insisted.

Slowly as if waking up from a really long sleep Arizona opened her eyes, her vision blurred by tears as she looked at the monitor. "It's a girl," she whispered, her voice cracking.

"It's a girl," Richard agreed.

Arizona looked back at the screen. "A perfectly healthy little-girl."

"You're about 18 weeks Arizona, maybe more," Richard pointed out as he took the final measurements.

"19 weeks and 5 days," Arizona whispered, lifting up her hand and gently tracing the outline of the baby's face. "There's no other time it … she … could have been … 19 weeks and 5 days."

April watched with alarm as Arizona's chest began to rapidly rise and fall. "God … baby … there's a baby inside me … growing and living and relying on me to … oh god … I … the drink … the pills … what if I hurt her … what if …"

"Arizona I know you can see exactly the same as me so I need you to look again, to look at her perfectly formed brain, the beating heart with 4 chambers, 2 arms, 2 legs and your dimples … she's strong Robbins, she has your fight," Richard tried to reassure his distraught friend.

Arizona slowly lifted her free hand from the bed and rested it on her stomach. "I've tried not to think of it as a baby but that's what it is, it's my baby and she doesn't deserve everything I've put her through. Sofia's gone … Callie hates me … everything is all messed up … my head is all messed up."

"It makes perfect sense Arizona, this is a horrible situation and you're not going to be thinking clearly, that's why you need to take time," Richard suggested.

April looked away from the screen. "Does that mean you're keeping the baby?"

"I can't have an abortion … 19 weeks … I can't … in 4 weeks she might be strong enough to survive outside me … I've delivered babies earlier than that, seen them fight, seen them live … I just … she's my daughter," Arizona cried. "It doesn't matter how or … it doesn't matter, she's mine."

April nodded. "We're all here for you Arizona, however much or however little you want us to be."

The moment between them was interrupted by a knocking on the door. "It's only me," Alex shouted through the door.

Pulling her shirt down Arizona sat up, swinging her legs over the bed she stood up. "We should let him in."

"It's open," April shouted back.

"Everything ok in here?" Alex asked.

"It's a girl," Arizona whispered.

Alex might not be an OB or even a fetal surgeon but even he could make that out from the image paused on the screen. Baby Girl Robbins certainly wasn't shy about making sure everyone knew she was a she.

"Congratulations," Alex smiled.

"Thank-you," Arizona breathed the situation suddenly becoming very real.

April placed her arm on Arizona's back and helped her towards a chair. "We should see if your bloods are back."

"My head hurts," Arizona admitted, sitting down on the chair.

"Your blood pressure was a fine, a little on the low side if anything and there was no protein in your urine," April reminded her.

Arizona rubbed her eyes tiredly. "It's probably just the fever, look we already know I have pneumonia so do we really need to wait for my bloods, regardless of what they say I am not being admitted so just write me a script for antibiotics and let's blow this joint."

Alex, Richard and April all turned to face her their eyes wide in alarm.

"What?" Arizona asked, wondering if she had suddenly grown a third head.

"You're … spunky ," Alex laughed.

Arizona frowned. "Spunky?"

"Yeah … you're spunky and fighting and … all Robbins-y," Alex elaborated.

Arizona stood up, shaking her head at Alex's eloquence. "Well I guess I just found something to fight for," she whispered, realizing just how much her life had changed since she had moved to Seattle. She had never wanted children, ever, but then she met Calliope Torres and Sofia was born, taking over her heart and soul completely. And now here she was 6 years later about to become a mother for the second time; in just over half a decade she had gone from never wanting a child to feeling her heart break at the idea she could have harmed a child, a child that no matter how she came to be, belonged one-hundred-percent to her and only her.

"I'll drive you home," April offered as Richard handed her the script for antibiotics.

"I er … I don't live at the apartment anymore … I haven't stayed there since that night," Arizona admitted.

April silently chastised herself for not realizing that of course Arizona wouldn't still be staying in the same place she had been violated. "Right, yes."

"She's living at mine," Alex spoke up. "I'll take her home."

Motioning towards the script Richard smiled softly. "How about this; you let us give you a dose of IV antibiotics now, then Kepner can pick up your script and drop it off at Karev's place when her shift finishes," he suggested as the trauma surgeon nodded her agreement.

"Ok," Arizona relented, although she wanted nothing more than to leave, right now, she also knew that she needed to get better and right now that meant listening to her friends.

"I'll do it," April offered, motioning to the IV that was still in Arizona's arm.

Looking over at the ultrasound Arizona reached out as Richard made to turn it off. "Could I … could you … perhaps print that image off first … before you turn it off I mean … just …"

"Of course," Richard agreed, clicking a few buttons before the image printed off from the printer underneath the ultrasound machine, smiling gently to himself as he handed it to her. "She's beautiful."

Biting her bottom lip Arizona nodded, although she knew it was going to be a hard road ahead, that there would be good days, bad days and days that she would barely make it through she also knew she had to try, not just for her unborn daughter but for Sofia and for herself too. "She's mine, my little-girl and Sofia … she's Sofia's little sister … she's always wanted to be a big sister," she whispered, wondering how on earth she was going to break the news to Callie that she was pregnant, after all her inability to commit to a second child was one of the main reasons they had lost themselves in the first place.

GA

GA

GA

GA

GA

I don't hate Callie, promise, her actions will make sense as the story moves on. Sorry if this was all over the place but like I said it's my first real attempt at writing and some of the characters are hard to get a feel for. I have also played with events a little, April is not pregnant and Derek is alive.

Each chapter has a song that I feel fits it's mood - this one was brought to you by The Sound of Silence, the Disturbed version, which is also where the lyrics at the start came from.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

Watching as Alex and Richard almost carried a pale yet flushed looking Arizona out of the VIP entrance to the hospital Meredith Grey frowned, she had noticed something different with the perky surgeon over the last few months but had been unable to put her finger on it. At first, she thought it was Callie and Sofia's departure that was impacting her, but as the weeks went on she couldn't help but worry that it was something so much more.

Her and Arizona might never have been the closest of friends but they were forever bonded by what they had experienced whilst stranded in the woods. Something that she hadn't really considered when she had agreed to testify for Callie at the custody hearing. Instead all she had seen was how broken the orthopedic surgeon had been at the idea of losing either her daughter or her girlfriend, blinding her from seeing what the other woman would be losing too.

She tried to absolve herself from feeling any guilt by telling herself that Arizona had never asked her to testify, but it was still there, still eating away at her.

Sighing she turned and headed towards the hospital pharmacy, Bailey had an ear infection and she had received a text to say his prescription was ready to pick up, handing her slip to one of the technicians she leaned back against the wall as she waited, her eyes falling on April Kepner. Smiling at her she took a cautious step forward as the trauma surgeon wiped at her eyes, obviously trying to hide the fact she was crying from her colleague.

"April-"

Just as she was about to ask what was wrong the other woman's pagers blared through the stillness of the room as she jumped up from her seat, mumbled an apology and practically ran towards the elevator.

"You forgot your … prescription," Meredith called after her as she picked up the bag that had been left behind, her frown deepening when she realized that the name on the prescription was not April's but in fact that of Arizona Robbins, the same woman she had been trying not to think about.

Picking up Bailey's prescription from the desk, she thanked the technician before heading into the nearest on-call room, her hands trembling as she fingered the plastic of the bag in her lap. "I shouldn't," she whispered to herself.

The devil on her shoulder was telling her that she should, that the contents of the bag might help her answer some of the many unanswered questions she had, that if she looked inside she would also see how important the medications where and whether Arizona needed them right now or they could wait until April had finished up with whatever emergency she had been paged to.

"I shouldn't," she repeated again as the angel reminded her that Arizona had a right to her privacy, that the contents of the bag were none of her business and that opening it would be a breach of the other woman's trust.

Sighing heavily, she leaned back against the wall, she had tried on numerous occasions to broach the subject of Arizona with Callie, but the other woman just didn't want to discuss it. Unless it was to rant and shout about how much Arizona had let Sofia down by not being there when she said she would. Meredith had tried to get her friend to see it from her ex-wife's point of view, tried to remind her Arizona had nearly lost her life, and had lost her leg in a plane crash, but Callie was just too angry to listen.

As she had listened to her friend go off in an angry tirade she couldn't help but feel that Callie's anger wasn't even really with Arizona, that instead she was angry at herself and regretting the decisions she had made. And the only way to make herself feel better about them was to hate Arizona. Meredith knew that Callie's relationship with Penny was going south, that they argued over everything, that the younger surgeon had begun to resent the fact that Sofia was there all the time and never anywhere else. After all, when they had been in Seattle the young-girl had spent almost half of her time with her mommy, giving Callie and Penny time alone together, in New York they didn't have that, there was no village or co-parenting agreement, there was just Callie, Penny and Sofia.

"I shouldn't," Meredith repeated for the third time as her fingers gentle eased open the top of the bag.

Closing her eyes, she tried to push away her growing guilt as she opened the bag and took out the first box. Reading the label marked 'clindamycin' she tried to recall everything she could about the antibiotic, however what knowledge she had did not help as it was used to treat several different types of infections.

The second box she took out was 'azithromycin' which was also an antibiotic, however this one was also used to treat a variety of infections, frowning she tried to remember which common causes of infection you would use the two together in but she was coming up blank.

The next box was an inhaler which only caused Meredith's frown to deepen as she was pretty sure she would have known if Arizona has asthma, especially considering they had spent days together in almost freezing temperatures. She knew that Arizona had suffered from a pulmonary embolism after the crash but as far as she was aware it had left her with no lingering respiratory problems.

The final two packages she pulled out together, the first one was a box of prednisolone, a steroid used to treat inflammation or an acute asthma flare up, sitting the boxes down she realized that so far everything was pointing to Arizona having some sort of respiratory infection. A very nasty infection if she had been prescribed multiple different medications to treat it.

However, she had not been prepared for the contents of the final box as she found herself staring at a medication that she was intimately familiar with; pre-natal vitamins.

"I really shouldn't have done this," Meredith whispered, putting all the boxes back in the bag and standing up.

Pacing across the small on-call room she tried to wrap her head around it all, she knew Arizona was devastated after losing custody of Sofia, a devastation that had been compounded when Callie had followed through on her plans to take the youngster to New York so she could start a new life, with her new girlfriend.

She also knew that Arizona had undergone IVF in the past when her and Callie were still married in an attempt to have another child together. In fact, she was pretty sure she was one of only a very select few at GSMH that knew Arizona had in fact fallen pregnant, only to miscarry in the very early stages.

Having a baby alone though, undergoing IVF on your own was a completely different thing, especially when it seemed like Arizona was barely holding on after losing Sofia as it was, surely, she wouldn't do something as drastic as jump straight into IVF and having another baby. But as Meredith pulled out the box again, double checking that it was definitely Arizona's and not a script for someone else that had been mixed in with it she sighed, realizing that's exactly what the fetal surgeon must have done.

Taking out her phone she dialed through her contacts before reaching the chosen name, she listened as it rung before it clicked to voicemail.

"Go for Alex," the familiar voice began as Meredith ended the call, not wanting to leave a message.

Considering her options, she flicked nervously through her contacts again before dialing, it took just a few seconds before the person on the other side picked up.

"Mer …" Callie could barely even finish saying her friends name before she started crying, loud, ugly, body-wracking sobs that Meredith could feel from thousands of miles away.

As she heard her friends sobs Meredith couldn't help but wonder if perhaps she already knew, if maybe Arizona had already told her and that was why the other woman had looked so broken when she had seen her. Whilst she hadn't expected Callie to be over the moon about Arizona deciding to have another child, without her, when they had so desperately tried to have one together she hadn't expected her reaction to be so strong.

"I don't understand," Callie sobbed.

Meredith wanted to say something, to try and reassure her but then there was a chance that Callie didn't know about Arizona's pregnancy, that it was something else that had upset her and if that was the case she didn't want to be the one to tell her.

"Understand what?" Meredith asked, deciding to let Callie do most of the talking.

"Why she would do this, why Sofia has to … she fought so hard for her and now … she's just throwing her away," Callie cried, her words punctuated by loud gasping breaths.

Reading between the lines Meredith couldn't help but think that Callie had decided that Arizona was replacing Sofia, that instead of fighting for her place in her daughter's life she had just decided to have another child instead. And whilst Meredith had no idea what was behind the other woman's decision she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she loved Sofia with her whole being and would never do that.

"Callie, you need to take a deep breath, calm a little and tell me exactly what has happened," Meredith instructed as she heard the other woman running a tap and then silence.

"Penny and I had a fight, that's nothing new we've been fighting a lot since we moved here … it's a lot; she's starting a new job, I don't have a job yet, we have no support system here Sofia and I, she misses everyone back there and is acting out … but I still believed we could make it work," Callie admitted.

Meredith nodded, even though the other woman couldn't see her. "It's only been 4 months, you need to give it time," she tried to reassure her friend, "Look how long it took Derek and I to get our act together," she reminded her.

"I know and that's why I thought if I could do something that she wanted, show her that I was willing to make sacrifices … although I don't know how much more of a sacrifice I could make, I gave up everything for her, because I love her … but I just thought … she has this work gala this weekend and I said I would go but I haven't found a babysitter I trust yet and Arizona … she won't fly so I offered to bring Sofia there, let her stay there for a week and then I would pick her up. It was the perfect solution, Sofia gets to spend time with her mommy, Penny and I get to work on us and she doesn't have to get on a plane, but she said no, said it wasn't the right time and that she had important plans that she couldn't reschedule … there should be nothing more important than spending time with Sofia, than being with her daughter," Callie sobbed, her heart breaking not only for Sofia but also with the realization of just how far her and Arizona had drifted from each other.

"Callie I'm sure Arizona didn't mean it like-"

"Do not make excuses for her," Callie raged. "Do you know she won't even facetime Sof more than once a week and even then, it has to be on her terms, sure she calls her every day but she won't even make time in her precious schedule so her daughter can see her."

Knowing that nothing she could say or do right now would make Callie think any differently about the situation she suddenly had an idea, an idea that would either help both of the women or could make things a hundred times worse. "Why don't you bring Sofia to Seattle anyway? I have the weekend off and I know Zola would love to see her, that way you can still go to the gala with Penny, I get to see you and Zola gets to see her BFF … maybe even spend some time with Arizona if her schedule clears."

"I don't know," Callie sighed.

"Why not?" Meredith wondered. "It makes perfect sense."

Callie was silent for a few minutes as she considered her friends suggestion. "Ok," she agreed. "Sofia really does miss Zola and as mad as I am at Arizona right now Sofia needs to see her. Thank-you."

"No worries," Meredith shrugged, wondering if she had just made a really terrible mistake.

"I'll text you my flight details," Callie said as she smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks. "And Meredith, really … thank you."

Hanging up the phone Meredith suddenly realized she still had Arizona's prescription bag in her hand, heading down to the ER she was relieved to see that April was caught up in the middle of a double trauma and probably had not had time to realize it was missing.

"You left this upstairs?" Meredith said as the blonde stepped outside to check up on some labs.

April's eyes widened in panic as she quickly tried to cover her alarm. "Oh … thank-you."

"I'm on my way home, do you want me to drop them off at Arizona's place?" Meredith offered,

"Why would you … it's my prescription why would you need to drop it off with her?" April panicked, she never really had been very good at lying.

Meredith help up the bag. "Because it has her name on it and when I saw her leaving here with Alex and Richard earlier she didn't look well at all. So I would imagine she needs it sooner rather than later and you look pretty caught up here."

April knew Meredith was right, that Arizona needed to start the medication as soon as possible but she also knew that her friend really wasn't up to visitors at the moment. "That's ok-"

"Honestly April it's no problem, Arizona's place is right on my way home," Meredith informed her.

Running out of excuses April sighed. "She's not at home, she went back with Alex."

Meredith could tell that the other surgeon knew something she didn't, something concerning the fetal surgeon that all of a sudden, she couldn't stop thinking about, but she wasn't about to push it and leave April in a difficult position so she decided to play it cool. "Well that's on my way home too," she smiled. "I'll have it there in 10 minutes," she added as she left before April could argue.

GA – GA – GA

Helping Arizona into the house Alex could feel the heat that still radiated off of her as he helped her up the stairs and into the bedroom she had been using, concerned by how breathless the small amount of exertion had caused her to become.

"Robbins," he started, sitting down on the bed next to her as she practically collapsed against him, when they left the hospital she had seemed almost energized but now she was so pale she was practically transparent, her whole body shaking with the effort it seemed to be taking to remain upright.

Before she had a chance to reply she scrambled forward, heading into the bathroom as she fell to the floor, her prosthetic making a painful clanging sound as she retched painfully, emptying what little was left in her stomach.

Having been alerted by the loud banging and harsh retching that followed Jo Wilson came rushing into the room. "Alex, what's-"

She stopped talking as she took in the sight of the usually bubby and full-of-life surgeon retching into the toilet. "I'll get some water," Jo offered not knowing what else to do.

Alex nodded, knowing that Arizona would not want everyone seeing her like this as the heaving finally stopped and she slumped against him, the heat of her skin burning through his clothes. "You feel ok to move?" Alex asked, wanting to get her up off the cold tiled floor as soon as possible.

Arizona nodded against him. "I don't think there's anything left in my stomach anyway."

Standing up Alex helped her to her feet, cradling her against him as he practically carried her to the bed, lying her down he pulled the throw off the bed leaving only the sheet. "Do you er … your leg should I …"

Arizona shook her head. "Could you give me a minute, I can do it," she breathed, her words punctuated by a harsh sounding cough.

Stepping out into the hallway Alex saw a concerned looking Jo hovering just a few feet away with a jug of water and a clean glass. "Is she … drunk?" she asked, not wanting to jump to conclusions but normally when people threw up like that alcohol was involved.

"No," Alex sighed. He knew Jo deserved an explanation after all his girlfriend had been the epitome of patient since he had brought home a bruised and broken Arizona all those weeks ago. She hadn't asked, knowing that the other woman needed her space and privacy instead she had just been there, listening as the older woman talked about surgeries, exams, Sofia and anything else she could think of to stop herself from going mad.

He had watched with pride as two of the most important women in his life had formed an almost tentative bond, his girlfriend's silent support being exactly what his distraught mentor needed.

"She's sick," Alex whispered, unable to hide his concern. "Pneumonia and bronchitis, she should be in the hospital but she … being here is what she wanted."

"I-"

Jo's response was cut short as a loud banging echoed from inside the room, motioning for Jo to wait outside Alex knocked gently on the door. "Arizona?"

"Finished," she coughed, giving him permission to enter.

Entering the room Alex found her huddled in the center of the bed, looking around he saw that her prosthetic now laid on the floor next to a broken lamp.

"I stumbled," Arizona admitted, not even having the energy to open her eyes. "My crutches were too far away. Sorry, I'll replace it."

Resting his hand on her back Alex frowned realizing that she felt hotter than she did just moments earlier, something he hadn't thought physically possible. Quickly counting the hours in his head, he realized there was still a while to go before she could take anything else for the fever, even then he wasn't sure she would keep it down, just like he wasn't sure she would keep down the antibiotics long enough for them to have any effect.

Kicking off his shoes he shuffled closer towards her, the harsh labored sound of her breathing cutting through him as she seemed to struggle for every breath.

"Robbins," he gently whispered, trying to coax her awake, knowing that even though they had just gotten back from the hospital he couldn't let her fight him anymore, she needed to be admitted,

"Go away," Arizona replied, her words barely audible above the now ever-present wheezing. "Tired … sleep … leave."

Alex ran his hand across her back, knowing that he was one of only a few people that could initiate physical contact with her without her freezing. Although he knew it would do very little to ease her struggling he needed to do something, anything, to help. "You can sleep later but right now we are going back to the hospital, I'll even take you to Seattle Pres if that's what you want but … we're going."

"No hospitals," Arizona protested, her eyes fluttering open.

"I know you're scared, I understand, really I do and if there was any other way then … I would do it but right now you need help; I can hear your lungs struggling from here and you are not keeping anything down, we can't take any chances, not with the baby."

Shaking her head and pushing herself into a sitting position Arizona regretted the action as the room started to spin around her as the distinct sound of the doorbell, followed by footsteps on the stairs could be heard in the background. "No."

Downstairs Jo opened the door to find Meredith Grey. "Er .. hi," she stammered, suddenly feeling 13-years-old just like she always did when she was around the attending.

"Is Alex home? Arizona?" Meredith asked, not waiting for an invitation as she stepped inside the house.

"Now really isn't a good time, sorry," Jo apologized as a loud retching could be heard from upstairs.

Back inside the bedroom Alex held a wastepaper basket in front of Arizona as she dry-heaved into it. "I'm fine," she insisted. "I just need to sleep."

"Yeah you sound really fine to me," Alex pointed out as he watched her lungs struggle for every breath.

"I … am … fine," Arizona repeated her words ending in a series of hacking coughs as she leaned forward, her arms resting out in front of her as she tried to get enough air into her lungs, "I … ok," she finally agreed as the coughing turned into even more retching and she realized Alex was right, there was no way she would tolerate oral medication with the way her stomach was right now.

And as much she was terrified about the idea of being admitted to the hospital and everyone finding out about her pregnancy, before she had been given a chance to get her head around it herself. She also knew she couldn't take any more risks with her health, not with her daughters relying on her to be healthy.

"Sorry," she apologized as she realized she had vomited on him.

"No apologies necessary," Alex reassured her as he wrapped a blanket around her and lifted her into his arms, holding her shaking body close to him as he stepped out into the hallway where Jo was practically body-blocking Meredith from getting up the stairs.

Shaking his head Alex stopped. "Meredith what are you … you know what I don't have time for this, Jo can you grab her prosthetic for me, please," he asked as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Alex, what's going on, Arizona … I … April got caught up in surgery so I was just dropping the prescription off," Meredith tried to explain,

Alex nodded, looking down at Arizona, his concern doubling as he watched her chest rise and fall with painful, labored breaths all he could think about was how they needed to get to the hospital. "I don't have time to explain, I need to get her back to the hospital."

Meredith was about to say something when she too heard it; a horrible, painful wheezing sound that cut through the evening air as she let her eyes travel down to the woman cradled carefully in Alex's arms and realized just how sick she looked. Her skin was a horrible ashen color, her breaths were labored and uneven and her eyes seemed wild and unfocused as her body shook with fever.

"I'll drive," Meredith offered as Jo arrived with Arizona's prosthetic and an overnight bag.

Knowing there was no point wasting time Alex nodded and followed Meredith towards her car, grateful for the fact that he could sit with Arizona in the back because with the way her breathing was sounding at the moment he was terrified the next breath she took could be her last.

"I never should have agreed to let her come home," Alex whispered as Jo climbed in next to him. "I knew she should have stayed … I.."

"Not … your … fault," Arizona tried to reassure him as she fought to open her eyes. "My … choice … just being … a friend."

Alex ran his hand gently through her hair. "Sh, don't try to talk, just concentrate on breathing ok, we will be there real soon and you'll be feeling better before you know it," he tried to reassure her as he pulled out his phone and rang ahead to April, letting her know they were coming and to get a private room ready.

GA – GA – GA

They arrived at GSMH in record time, Meredith stopping the car right at the entrance where April was already waiting to show them into the room.

"What happened?" April asked, as Alex reluctantly laid Arizona down.

"She was fine when we left but as soon as we got to the house it was like … she crashed, she couldn't stop throwing up and her fever spiked, then the wheezing got really, really bad and her breathing was … she couldn't stay at the house, she wasn't tolerating anything orally and I was concerned about her oxygen levels," Alex panicked as he helped April hook the barely-conscious doctor up to the monitors as a flustered Richard entered.

As soon as the monitor was attached to Arizona, the neon lines started to snake across the screen in a frantic manner causing all 3 doctors jumping in to action.

"O2 levels are 86%, let's start her on high flow oxygen and page respiratory," Richard observed.

"Heart rate is 147, sinus tachycardia, could be the fever, dehydration or sepsis," Alex continued, trying not to let his mind go back to the last time Arizona had crashed on him.

April pressed the screen until the blood pressure cuss started to inflate. "BP is 89/40 and temperature is 103.6, she needs a line, fluids and we need to change her antibiotics."

"I can put the line in," Meredith offered, stepping into the room.

Alex turned to face his friend, his eyes narrowed in frustration. "You can get out, now," he insisted, still annoyed at her for choosing sides during the custody battle.

"I'll do it," Jo offered, stepping into the room.

"Alex-"

"Leave, now," Alex shouted, not wanting to waste any more time listening to her counter-argument.

As she heard her friend's raised voices Arizona opened her eyes, struggling to speak over the high flow of the oxygen mask, "Baby … the baby?"

"Page OB," Alex instructed Jo, just as she finished inserting the IV line.

"The right side is silent, I'm concerned there could be an effusion," April said as she finished listening to Arizona's chest, being careful not to expose her.

Attaching the request stickers to the blood Richard looked up at the numbers. "I'm going to run these to the lab myself, make sure they are a priority … and where the hell is respiratory?"

"I'll page them again," April offered, watching as Arizona tried to lean forward, her hands resting on the bed as if she was trying to hold herself up as a loud, wheezy coughs shook her body, leaving her shaking and fighting for air.

Alex felt himself really start to panic as her body shook with each inhale she took, each one seeming to take longer to come than the next and the monitors started to bleep alarmingly, letting them know that her oxygen levels were plummeting.

"She's barely shifting any air," April observed, once again removing her stethoscope from Arizona's chest as she helped the other doctor sit back against the bed. "Crash page respiratory. Now. And tell them we are going to need to set up for intubation."

Alex watched as Arizona's eyes darted wildly around the room, her expression one of fear and panic as no matter how hard she tried she couldn't seem to pull enough air into her lungs. Her head shaking furiously as she silently pleaded with them not to intubate her.

"What have we got?" Michelle Cullen one of the hospitals lead respiratory therapists asked as she entered the room, stopping in her tracks as she realized who the patient was. "Arizona?"

"Dr. Robbins has a severe case of pneumonia and bronchitis, she has been unable to tolerate oral antibiotics and her condition has continued to deteriorate; she's had hydrocortisone and IV antibiotics but her oxygen levels keep falling and her blood gas shows very poor gaseous exchange," April explained.

Pulling the mask down Arizona faced the RT, someone that she had worked with on a number of occasions in the PICU and NICU. "No tube … please … no tube."

"I can't promise anything," Michelle said, looking the terrified surgeon directly in the eye. "But I'll try my best," she reassured her before turning her attention to Jo, "I need you to air call Peter Lee ask him to bring me a BiPap machine and then call radiology and request a portable x-ray, Michelle requested.

Arizona's eyes widened in alarm, she had already had an x-ray today and whilst she knew all precautions would be taken, and the risk was minimal she couldn't help the irrational fear that crept over her when she thought about the effect everything would be having on her unborn daughter.

As if reading her mind April took hold of her hand. "Arizona, I know right now you are thinking like a mother and not a doctor and that's exactly what you should be doing but you know, just like we all do that the benefits hugely outweigh the risks. We need to see what's happening so that we can treat you adequately and get you home, for both your little-girls."

Nodding her consent Arizona closed her eyes knowing that she needed to save what energy she had left if she was going to survive this without intubation as she listened to Richard relay her blood gas results to Michelle.

Outside the room Meredith pulled out her cellphone and dialed one of the last numbers she had called. "Callie … hi … you need to get to Seattle. Now."

"Meredith, what the hell?" Callie asked pushing herself into a sitting position in the bed.

"It's Arizona, she needs you here," Meredith replied, hoping that would be enough.

Frowning Callie tried to shake herself from the haze of sleep. "Arizona is not my problem anymore, call Alex … he seems to be her person these days, or maybe Richard."

"She's sick Callie, really sick and they are talking about the possibility that they might have to intubate and if they do then … you need to be here, I know she's not your wife anymore but she's still Sofia's mother and I know you still care," Meredith told her as she heard the other woman start to open and slam drawers.

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Callie promised as she tried not to let herself think about the possibility that Arizona could die, she had already come so close to it happening once before she wasn't about to let it happen again.

Meredith waited for a few seconds before speaking. "There's a flight that leaves JFK in 2 hours and 19 minutes, do you think you can get there in time if I book the tickets?"

"I'll make sure I get there in time," Callie vowed as she finished throwing everything she would need in to a bag. Penny was still at the hospital so she decided to text her once she was at the airport as she entered her daughters' room and gently woke her.

"Mama?" Sofia questioned, her eyes bright with sleep.

Helping her to stand up Callie decided to leave the little-girl in her pajamas and instead just grabbed her coat from the back of the door, helping her confused daughter into it she lifted her up onto her hip. "I know it's late Baby Girl but we need to catch a plane to Seattle."

"Home?" Sofia smiled despite her sleepy state. "Mommy?"

Nodding Callie tried not to cry. "Yes Sweetie. We are going home to see mommy," she told the youngster and as she said the words she realized that it didn't matter how long she was in New York for and how much time she spent away, Seattle would always be her home. Just like Arizona would always be her family. "She's not feeling too good right now and she needs some super magic Sofia cuddles to help her feel better."

GA

GA

GA

GA

Thank you to everyone that took the time review, favourite and follow this story. Calzonafan123 - the morning after pill, pregnancy issue is addressed I think it is chapter 5 and then in more depth in chapter 9.

Again I am not a doctor but I have researched as much as possible. This is however still unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

Walking out of the familiar doors of Seattle Tacoma airport Callie balanced her sleeping daughter on her hip, grateful that she had only brought a small carry-on bag as she headed towards the pick-up bay where Meredith was waiting.

"How is she?" Callie asked, buckling Sofia into Zola's car seat as the youngster mumbled a few unintelligible sounds before falling back asleep.

Meredith waited for Callie to buckle her seatbelt. "Hello Meredith, thank-you for picking me up Meredith."

"Hello Meredith, thank-you for picking me up Meredith," Callie parroted. "How is she?"

"They started her on BiPap not long after I finished speaking to you, she had a large right sided complex empyema which caused a pneumothorax so they inserted a chest drain and since then she's been steadily improving. They managed to lower the pressure, her fever is coming down and her blood pressure is almost normal now," Meredith explained, relaying what little information she had been able to get.

Callie looked over at Sofia. "Who is her medical proxy?"

"Richard," Meredith sighed, remembering back to an earlier conversation she had overheard between Alex and the older man. "Of course, her parents are her next-of-kin but Richard is her proxy."

"That's good," Callie whispered. "Richard is sensible, he'll make the right decisions," she added.

Meredith pulled the car to a stop at the red light. "Callie she's not unconscious, I mean she's exhausted, sleeping most of the time but she's awake, alert and she's fighting Callie. For Sofia she's fighting."

"How did this happen?" Callie wondered out loud. "I mean Arizona is healthy, she takes vitamins, eats well, exercises as much as she can with her prosthetic, normal, healthy people do not end up in ICU with bacterial pneumonia. Is this because of the plane crash? I know it takes more energy for amputees to get through the day and she had that PE … this shouldn't happen, this shouldn't be happening to her."

Wondering how much to reveal Meredith sighed. "Arizona has been … I mean we're not close, not like you and I and her and Alex but I've seen changes; she's lost weight, she stays at the hospital almost 24 hours a day 7 days a week and takes on double case-loads with both pediatric and fetal surgeries, she doesn't laugh, I never see her in the cafeteria and … she's just different Callie and I'm not the only one that has noticed it."

"Is it … my fault, is this because I took Sofia away?" Callie asked, needing to know what her friend was thinking.

"I think it runs deeper than that Callie, I mean you and Arizona have been over for a while now and you were amicable but then, the custody battle happened and I think it just brought a lot of unresolved issues to the surface. Issues Arizona has never dealt with, issues you have never dealt with and … Sofia was gone, her distractions and reasons for getting out of bed were gone so she had to face things she didn't want to," Meredith said, trying to explain her take on what had happened to the usually happy, double-board certified surgeon, completely unaware of the truth behind her current state of mind.

Callie watched her daughter sleep. "I don't know what to do Meredith. I thought moving to New York was what I wanted, I thought Penny was who I wanted to be with but, Sofia is miserable, she's having nightmares, she doesn't want to read the books she was reading because she was reading them with Arizona. She won't eat her favorite food because it's what Arizona used to always make for her when she stayed with her, she hates school, she doesn't sing anymore."

"Cal-"

"My daughter is miserable. Arizona is so miserable she's actually made herself physically ill and it's all because I wanted to be happy. I was so desperate to be happy, to prove to myself that I could live my life without her that … I did this … but I can't live my life without her because she's Sofia's mommy and the bond they have … I took that away from them," Callie cried.

"You're here now," Meredith pointed out.

Wiping tiredly at her eyes Callie nodded. "But what if it's too late, what if she can never forgive me? The things I let my lawyer say to her, the way I let them portray her, that's not who I am, that's not who we were to each other. Once upon a time she was my everything but I let them turn her role in my life, in Sofia's life into nothing."

"Yes. You made mistakes, but so did Arizona, you have a daughter together and so much history between you that you can't give up on that, maybe, just maybe it's time to try and be friends with each other, you never tried that and I think for Sofia you need to try that," Meredith suggested, hoping that all of the progress Callie had made in coming to terms with her emotions regarding Arizona would not be undone when she found out about her ex-wife's pregnancy.

"I want move back to Seattle," Callie announced after a few minutes of silence. "Penny and I, it's not working and I'm not sure I want to fight for us because she resents Sofia and Sofia always has to come first. It was supposed to be easy, it was supposed to be my easy relationship but it's just causing so much pain, to everyone and … I don't love her enough to fight."

Meredith let Callie's words sink in before speaking. "Are you sure? Because I don't want you to wake up tomorrow and regret this decision."

"I'm sure," Callie assured her.

"You really need to be Callie because it's not just you that matters in all of this, there's Sofia and Arizona to consider too," Meredith reminded her.

Callie nodded. "I know. Sofia may have grown inside me, her biology might be Mark and I but … she's all Arizona, the way she smiles, the way she wakes up bouncing … that little bounce she does when she gets something right or learns something new. The bond they have; I never should have taken that away from her, away from Arizona but … she broke me and now I've broken her and I don't know how to fix it, I don't know if I know how to be her friend, we've never been friends before it's … new and scary but I need to try, for Sofia I need to try but first … I need her to get better, I need her to be ok."

"She's in really good hands," Meredith said as Sofia stirred slightly in her sleep.

"I need to see her but Sof, they won't let her in the ICU and she's so desperate to see Arizona that she won't understand being there and not being able to see her," Callie panicked as they pulled up in front of GSMH.

Meredith knew Callie was right, I mean there was no guarantee that Arizona's friends and doctors would let Callie in as it was. "How about I take Sofia to daycare and then when I have to pick Zola up from school I will take her with me and then she can stay at ours tonight and you can too."

"Ok," Callie agreed. "Thank-you."

Stepping out of the car Callie carefully woke Sofia. "Hey Baby Girl," she smiled as the little-girl wrapped her arms around her neck, letting her mother lift her out of the car.

"Mommy? Is she here?" Sofia asked as she realized they were at the hospital.

"Mommy is with the doctors right now Sof because they are helping her get better," Callie tried to explain.

Sofia climbed out of her mother's arms. "I can make her better, I give super-magic hugs."

"I know Sweetie and I'm sure she can't wait to see you but we have to let the doctors finish first. So Meredith is going to take you to daycare for a little while, then you are going to have a sleepover with Zola," Callie explained.

"Zola is going to be so excited to see you," Meredith smiled, taking the youngsters hand.

Sofia looked up at her best friend's mother. "Really?"

"Really," Meredith reassured her.

"What if she has new friends and doesn't want me anymore?" Sofia worried.

Meredith bent down so she was at eye-level with her. "Sofia you are Zola's best friend, she has missed you so much and will be so excited to see you. She already has a crazy fun night of ice-cream, movies and games planned."

"3 flavors of ice-cream?" Sofia asked as she waved goodbye at her mother and followed Meredith towards daycare.

"It's not an ice-cream party unless there is 3 flavors," Callie heard Meredith laugh as she watched her friend and daughter step into the elevator.

Walking over to the coffee cart Callie ordered a triple shot latte as she ignored the hushed whispers that she could hear starting to swirl around her reappearance.

"You can do this," she whispered to herself. "You need to do this."

Taking a sip of her drink she winced as the hot liquid burnt her tongue, stepping toward the elevator she waited for it to arrive, once inside she tried to make herself as small as possible as she pressed the button for the ICU floor.

Exiting she headed towards the nurses station, she knew from Meredith that Arizona was in room number 7, she also knew that she had someone with her all the time and that getting inside her room might be easier said than done.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Alex Karev raged as he stepped out of the room, being careful to fully close the door behind him.

"I, er, Sofia she wanted to see her so I just came to check when it would be ok," Callie hedged.

Alex shook his head, seeing straight through Callie's half-truths. "Right."

"She's her daughter, she has a right to see her mother," Callie replied as she could feel his eyes burning into her.

"That's not the tune you were singing when you took her daughter right across the country and then yelled at her because she couldn't get on a freaking plane," Alex ranted, his voice low yet full of anger.

Callie had expected his reaction, she had even thought she was prepared for it but now she was here, faced with so much animosity she didn't know what to say to explain her actions. "Will she see me?"

"She doesn't know you're here," Alex said, closing Arizona's chart and tucking it under his arm.

"Could you tell her? Ask her if she'll see me?" Callie asked, knowing she was asking a lot but needing Arizona to know she was here, that she was trying.

Considering his options Alex sighed. "Look, I get that coming here was a big step and I don't know who told you that she had been admitted but, you're here, that will mean something to her but right now she's not strong enough to deal with those added emotions."

"She's stronger than you think," Callie countered, hating that way that everyone was acting like Arizona was some fragile little bird that needed protecting from the big, bad, prey.

"Are you freaking kidding me; Robbins is one of the strongest the people I have ever known. She has been through more than anyone should ever have to even try and overcome and she comes out fighting every time. But right now, in this very moment she needs space, she needs time to recover, to get her health back and I don't know if she can do that if you add what you want, what you are feeling and what you need into the equation," Alex explained.

Callie looked down at the floor. "I just need to know she's going to be ok."

"Are you kidding me? She's Arizona freaking Robbins of course she will be ok," Alex insisted.

An uncomfortable silence settled over the pair as Callie looked anywhere but at the young attending, the silence only ending when a young intern handed Alex some results.

"Are those Arizona's results?" Callie asked.

Alex nodded. "Yes."

"I know I have no legal right or even moral right to ask but despite my actions over the last few months she is still the mother of my child, she will always be a part of my life and I just need to know; good or bad?" Callie breathed, knowing she was pushing her luck put right now she felt like she had been thrown adrift with no life craft.

"Better," Alex answered, knowing she needed to know something.

Smiling softly Callie nodded her thanks. "I'm going to leave now. But I will be back, every day I will be back and when she's ready then, please tell her that I am here and that I want to be her friend, if she will let me."

Not saying anything Alex just nodded as he watched her turn to leave, his eyes clouded with confusion as he watched her walk away before stepping back into Arizona's room.

Walking over to the bed he was relieved to see that she was still sleeping, a pillow behind her back so that she was tilted slightly onto her left side, the bed raised to allow her into some sort of seated position. Her eyes were closed but she looked relaxed, some of the color having returned to her cheeks and her face having now lost the absolutely terrifying ashen color that had started to border on cyanotic before the BiPap had been started.

A central line was sutured into her neck administering fluids, antibiotics and regular doses of antipyretics and low dose anti-emetics, sedatives and pain relief to help her rest and allow the medication and non-invasive ventilation do its work. The BiPap mask almost totally obscured her face as it helped support her struggling lungs, a chest tube snaked out of her right side but despite all of that he couldn't help but think how relaxed she finally looked. Smiling lightly his eyes travelled down to where her right hand rested on her barely their baby bump.

Until an hour earlier she had been on continuous CTG monitoring, but once they were reassured that despite everything Baby Girl Robbins heartbeat had remained steady and stable, the decision had been made to discontinue it and a routine 20-week scan had been scheduled for tomorrow.

"Hey," Alex greeted as he watched her eyes slowly open.

"Callie, did I … was that Callie I heard?" she questioned, her voice barely audible under the positive pressure of the BiPap.

Alex nodded. "Yeah. But we can talk about that later, you shouldn't be talking, you should be resting."

"Sofia?" Arizona wondered.

"She's here too," Alex reassured her. "So you really do need to stop talking, get some rest and just concentrate on getting better ok because you're little-girl is here for you and she needs you, they both do."

Nodding her agreement Arizona closed her eyes, running her fingers in lazy circles over her stomach as she allowed herself to drift into a somewhat drug-induced sleep again.

GA – GA – GA

As Richard, April, Alex and Michelle assembled inside Arizona's room they couldn't help the collective smiles that spread throughout them as they looked at her latest blood gases, the ultrasound of her lung and full blood panel.

"I switched her to just CPAP last night and she's been tolerating it really well on minimal pressure so I want to trial her off the NIV, I think she's ready," Michelle suggested.

"Her blood gas supports that suggestion," April added as she handed the results to Richard.

"Her WCC and CRP are down, they're still not normal but her fever hasn't gone above 100 for 6 hours and she hasn't vomited since the BiPap was started, everything really is moving in the right direction," Alex agreed, smiling over at his friend. "Also her electrolytes have normalized and the ultrasound shows no recurrence of the empyema, although I think we should leave the chest drain in for another 24 hours though, just in case," he concluded.

Richard nodded at them at all before approaching the bed. "Did you get all of that?"

Arizona nodded, shifting as much as she could without disturbing her lines and drains. "Yeah."

"Good. So if you agree we will leave you in Michelle's very capable hands and let her get this off of you," Richard smiled, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze as the 3 doctors left, leaving Arizona and the respiratory therapist alone.

"You got this?" Michelle asked, approaching the bed.

Arizona nodded, after 30 hours being confined to the bed with the BiPap attached to her she was more than ready to get it off, because getting it off meant that she was one step closer to getting out of ICU. And then once she was out of ICU and in a normal room she knew that Sofia would be allowed to visit and right now, what she needed more than anything was cuddles with her little-girl.

"When I take it off I need you to try and cough for me ok? And then I'm going to set you up with an albuterol treatment to loosen and secretions that might have formed. Once that is finished we'll see how your oxygen levels and lung function is holding up before we decide ok? Now it may be that we need to put you back on the CPAP and change to a slow wean but hopefully, seeing as how well you've already progressed I'm hoping that won't be the case and you'll be ok with just supplemental oxygen," Michelle explained.

Although she already had figured it all out Arizona was grateful to Michelle for taking the time to explain everything to her. "Fingers crossed."

"We don't need luck, not when my patient is such a bad ass, you've got this," Michelle reassured her. Arizona Robbins had always been one of her favorite doctors, she respected the woman and felt a sense of pride that she had been one the people chosen to help get her through this. "Ready?" she asked, setting the breathing treatment up ready to go.

Once Arizona had nodded her consent Michelle turned off the BiPap, taking the mask off as she helped her sit up, encouraging her to cough as hard as she could before taking a series of long, deep breath. Listening to her chest she was reassured that enough oxygen was getting in and out of the fetal surgeons' lungs as she helped her to hold the mouthpiece of the breathing treatment. Knowing that she was probably still quite weak from everything her body had been through.

Sitting down in the chair she waited until the albuterol had finished before turning it off and taking the mouthpiece from Arizona, watching the numbers on her monitor to see what her oxygen levels were doing.

"How am I scoring?" Arizona asked, too tired to turn her head around and look herself.

"93%," Michelle read.

Arizona closed her eyes. "Could be better."

"Yeah but it could be worse, you were heading into the 70's when we started the BiPap so 93% is pretty damn awesome," Michelle tried to assure her. "I would have been more surprised if you didn't need a little oxygen right now, it's not a sign of failure, your air entry is good, you're breathing is 99% better than when you were admitted so this is good Dr. Robbins, it's all really, really good now … nasal cannula or mask?"

"Nasal cannula," Arizona chose, knowing it would give her more freedom.

Hooking it up to the humidifier she helped her into a sitting position before hooking it around her ears and turning it on. "You want me to let them in now?" Michelle questioned, motioning towards the door where she was pretty sure her friends would be anxiously hovering.

"Yeah. Because I give it 20 seconds until they start knocking," Arizona joked, feeling more like herself than she had in a long time.

She knew she had a long road ahead of her, that she had some big changes to make and that at some time down the road she would need to talk to someone, a professional someone to help her find healthy, long-term ways of dealing with what had happened to her but right now, in this moment she was ok with the choices she had made.

She was going to have this baby, she was going to talk to Callie, try to build a some kind of relationship for the sake of Sofia and she was going to do everything she could to get healthy, stay healthy and be the best mother she could to her daughters.

"Where's April and Alex?" Arizona wondered as Richard entered alone, having been given strict instruction from Michelle to call him if her oxygen levels dropped below 92%, her respiratory rate went over 32 or she seemed to be having increased trouble breathing.

"MVC in the ER, unrestrained 6 and 8-year-old passengers," Richard explained.

Arizona nodded, liking her suddenly too dry lips she realized it had been well over 24 hours since she had been allowed anything to eat or drink.

"Thirsty?" Richard asked, as if reading her mind.

"Yeah and hungry," Arizona said as suddenly all she could think about was a vanilla, multi-colored sprinkle doughnut.

Helping her sit up even more he handed her a cup of water. "Slow sips. Michelle wants you to have small amounts of clear fluid only for the next 12 hours though just in case …"

"I need to go back on the BiPap," Arizona finished for him.

Richard nodded. "Sorry."

"It's ok," Arizona reassured him. "But as soon as I reach that 12 hour mark one of you had better have a vanilla, multi-colored sprinkle doughnut ready and waiting for me," she ordered.

"Deal," Richard promised.

Looking around the room Arizona seemed almost nervous for a few minutes before asking the next question. "Is Callie still here?"

"Yes," Richard nodded.

"For how long?" Arizona wondered. "I mean … is she here because she knew I was sick or is it just a coincidence? If so will she leave as soon as I'm better and take Sofia away again because I don't think I could cope with that, when she left the first time I … she's going to be so mad when she realizes I'm pregnant … she'll think I did it to spite her because she doesn't know … she doesn't know that even though I want my baby … I love my baby … I didn't want how it happened … I didn't want it … I … but I can't tell her that … because she's not that person anymore … she's not my anchor … she's not … my Callie … she's Penny's Callie … so … I … can't tell … I .. "

Standing up Richard helped Arizona sit back against the bed, turning her oxygen up a fraction more as the number dropped slightly. "I know this is all confusing and painful and horrible but you don't have to figure anything out right now. Right now, you just need to rest, recover and concentrate on getting your strength back. Ok?"

"Sofia-"

"Will still be here when you wake up," Richard promised.

Arizona shook her head. "You don't know that."

"Yes, I do," Richard assured her. "Callie is going back to New York on Monday to sort some things out and Sofia is staying with Meredith until she gets back."

"Ok," Arizona whispered, feeling comforted in the fact that her daughter would still be in Seattle for a little while longer yet she closed her eyes and allowed herself to rest, even though she felt like she had done nothing but sleep for close to 2 days now.

Leaning back in the chair Richard opened some charts to finish his post-op notes whilst she slept until April entered, having finished up with her trauma in the ER.

"Do you want me to take over for a little while?" April offered.

"Are you sure? You've been here just as long as I have," Richard pointed out.

April sat down in the empty chair. "I'm good, I have some charts to catch up on anyway," she said pointing to the pile in her lap.

"I might just head down to cafeteria," Richard suggested getting up and heading towards the door. "Get something to eat and check in on my post op patient. Kepner," he stopped at the door and faced the younger surgeon. "I don't suppose you know the name of that bakery she likes? The one with the brightly colored doughnuts?"

"Sorry," April apologized.

Stepping out Richard frowned, desperately trying to remember the name of it, he was sure she had mentioned it once and how they had the best baked goods in Seattle but he just could not recall what she had said it was called.

"Daily Dozen Donuts," Callie informed him, pushing herself forward from the wall she had spent the last 10 minutes leaning against.

"I-"

Callie couldn't help the smile that spread across her lips. "She's asking for doughnuts, right? After the plane crash, when she woke up for the first time since being transferred back from Boise and was feeling well enough to eat, the first thing she asked for was a doughnut. I know it's not exactly the healthiest choice, but she smiled and back then I would have done anything to see that smile … so I bought her 6 of the brightest colored doughnuts I could find."

"Right. Thank-you," Richard nodded.

"Does she know I'm here yet?" Callie asked, she had tried to keep her distance after her conversation with Alex yesterday but she was flying back to New York soon, just for a week or so but she still needed to see her before she left.

Richard crossed his arms. "Yes. And she does want to see you she's just not strong enough yet for everything that will bring."

"I promise to keep it simple, we will talk about Sofia and I will tell her that we're moving back and I won't put any pressure on her, I promise, I just need to see her," Callie pleaded.

"She's sleeping right now, it's been a busy few hours since she was weaned off of the BiPap so … maybe come back in a couple of hours, I'll talk to her, see what she says," Richard suggested.

"Thank-you," Callie whispered, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

Richard could see the pain in her eyes, a pain that he knew wasn't going to go away any time soon. "I'm not making any promises, she might be out of the critical phase now but she's still got a long way to go Torres. She's not well, she's still recovering from sepsis, near respiratory failure, pneumonia and a nasty empyema and although she's doing better than any of us thought she would be at this point, she's still got a long road ahead of her."

"I'm not here to make things worse for her Richard, Sofia needs her mommy to be ok and I'm not going to do anything to jeopardize her recovery, I promise," Callie vowed.

Walking away Richard nodded. Although he knew Callie was full of the best intentions he also knew that there was still a great big secret waiting to be told. Arizona's bump was small for 20 weeks but it was still noticeable, and although he was sure Callie probably wouldn't notice under the hospital gown and blankets, he also knew it was only a matter of time before the other woman found out and he had no idea how she would react. Especially with Arizona insistent that Callie not know how her pregnancy came to be, the devastating truth behind the baby's existence and what she had been through.

GA – GA – GA

12 hours after his conversation with Callie he found himself back in Arizona's room, the blonde in question was sat up in bed, her eyes bright and her hands resting on the tiny, baby bump.

"That bag had better contain a vanilla, multi-colored sprinkle doughnut or you are not coming in here," Arizona warned, motioning to the bag in his hand.

"Even better," Richard chuckled. "It contains 3 vanilla, multi-colored sprinkle doughnuts,"

Arizona held her hands out in an almost begging pose. "Not sure I could manage 3 but … give me, give me, give me," she ordered as he sat down, handing her the bag.

"You look good," Richard observed, looking up at her numbers and then at her, she had minimal respiratory distress, her color was almost glowing and her temperature had finally reached normal.

Shaking his head, he couldn't help but feel awed how well she had done. In just under 48 hours she had gone from being on the verge of total respiratory collapse to being almost completely off oxygen and breathing by herself. Although he knew she still had days of recovery ahead of her; the chest tube still remained, her infection markers were still raised and they didn't know yet how she would tolerate a solid diet he knew she had this, that she would be ok.

"What?" Arizona asked as she realized he was staring.

"Nothing," Richard chuckled.

Taking a small, tentative bite of the doughnut she chewed it carefully before swallowing, waiting a few minutes to see how her stomach felt before taking another bite.

Realizing she had eaten half of the doughnut she put it down on the table, leaning back against the pillows as she licked the icing off of her lips. "You're still staring," she observed.

"I was just remembering something," Richard admitted.

"Remembering what?" Arizona wondered.

Richard leaned back in the chair, resting his feet up on the edge of her bed. "When you first started here I was in a bad way. Dr. Kenley's death made me face my own advancing age and I put myself out of commission for a while. Bailey she was mad, you infuriated her with your insistence on changing her patient's treatment plan; she called you an infant on roller skates, but you won her over and soon she knew exactly what I did, that you were just what our pediatric department needed."

"I remember that," Arizona chuckled.

"McHale at Hopkins told me that you were one of the best he had ever seen, he was devastated to lose you but he said that after a personal tragedy he knew you needed a change," Richard explained.

"My brother died," Arizona whispered.

Richard squeezed her hand gently. "I didn't know. Just like I didn't know back then that not only was bringing you here one of the best professional decision I have ever made, but one of the greatest personal gifts I have ever received. You are … an outstanding surgeon, people travel across the country to be seen by you but you are also one of the most important people in my life Arizona, whatever you need, whatever you decide I am here for you."

"I'm not leaving Seattle, my village is here Richard," Arizona reassured him.

"Callie has been camped out in the hospital since yesterday," Richard told her, changing the subject one he was reassured that he wouldn't be losing one of this hospital's greatest surgeons and his closest friends.

Arizona nodded. "I know. I've heard her."

"What do you want to do?" Richard questioned.

Looking up at the clock Arizona closed her eyes. "Peters is going to be here to do my 20-week scan in half an hour, I need her to not be here when that happens, but I do need to talk to her."

"Ok, so what do you want me to tell her?" Richard asked, not really sure what she was asking of him.

"Tell her I'll speak to her just, later, I can't have her here when Peters is here," Arizona panicked.

Understanding Arizona's need to have things revealed on her terms Richard nodded his agreement. "She wants to talk to Bailey about coming back to work here, I managed to talk her into holding off for a while until I knew how you felt about it but … I could have her schedule something now, that's if you're ok with her coming back to work here?"

"Callie coming back means Sofia coming back so, talk to Bailey, tell her the hospital needs Callie because it's true, we do, her post is still open and she's the best, everyone knows that," Arizona pointed out.

"You sure?" Richard needed to know.

Arizona squeezed his hand. "I'm sure, I need Sofia here, in Seattle."

"Do you er, do you want me to be here when Peters comes to do your scan?" Richard asked, whilst he knew Arizona trusted him he also didn't know how comfortable she would feel having him there.

"Yes," Arizona replied without missing a beat. "Please. I mean … if you are free that would be. Please."

Richard stood up, gently letting go of her hand. "I would be honored. I'll be back straight after I've spoken to Bailey."

"Thank-you," Arizona said, relived that she wouldn't have to go through it alone. Although she knew the baby was ok, had seen her heart beating with her own eyes she hadn't had a proper scan yet, hadn't had an expert check the growth of her unborn child, perform an abnormality scan and make sure that despite the abuse and stress her body had been through everything was as it should be.

"We're going to be ok," Arizona whispered, running her hands softly over her stomach. "You, me and Sofia we're going to be a family. I am going to be the best mother I can and Sofia she will be the best big-sister, ever," she reassured her unborn daughter, silently pleading with her to be ok.

GA

GA

GA

GA

Once again thank you to everyone who took the time to review. So Callie and Sofia are in Seattle, Arizona is on the mend ... I promise there will be Callie and Arizona interaction in the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

4.

Watching the screen carefully Arizona remained silent as Emma Peters the hospitals head of OBGYN clicked away at the ultrasound monitor, writing down the measurements before moving the probe around to get a better look.

"Everything ok?" Richard asked, concerned by her complete silence.

Arizona nodded. "I'm just trying really hard to be a mother and not a doctor," she admitted.

"You say you're just over 20 weeks today?" Dr. Peters questioned, once she had finished getting all of the measurements she needed.

"Yes, without a doubt," Arizona answered, not wanting to explain how she knew and respecting the other doctor for not asking about the baby's conception, when she knew that would be the first question on everyone's lips when they found out.

Emma made a note in the chart before turning to face her patient. "So everything looks good, the heart has 4 well-formed chambers, I was able to visualize all vital organs, the level of amniotic fluid is as it should be and the placenta looks healthy. Baby is measuring a little bit small for the dates but there is plenty of time for he or she to catch up."

"She, she's a she right?" Arizona asked, although she was 99% certain of her baby's gender she wanted to hear it confirmed before she told Sofia.

"Yes, it's a little-girl, congratulations Arizona," Emma smiled.

Arizona wiped at her eyes trying not to cry as she realized that this was the first time, since her pregnancy had been revealed to those around her, that someone had congratulated her. "Thank-you, and with her being small … that's ok right? I mean I know … the medical me knows that it's probably nothing and that when my diet improves and I stop working crazy shifts I should start putting on weight and then she will start putting on weight but … I just … I know it's not rational-"

"I would like to do another growth scan in 4 weeks but everything I am seeing here, reassures me that you are carrying a perfectly healthy little-girl," Emma reassured her.

"Thank-you Emma," Arizona smiled, when she had been admitted Dr. Peters had been her only choice for an OBGYN, not only did she respect the woman professionally but they had a good working relationship and she knew that Emma would be nothing but considerate and professional.

Emma nodded. "Would you like a copy of the scan?"

"Yes please," Arizona nodded, although she already had one from just days ago, she wanted one that she could keep here with her until she was discharged, so that when the nightmares came, which she knew they would, she had something to focus her energy on.

"I'll e-mail you some dates for the next scan," Emma suggested as she printed off a few copies of the ultrasound before putting the machine away, leaving Arizona and Richard alone.

Holding the image gently between her thumb and index finger she suddenly felt overwhelmed, as a series of gentle coughs shook her body, whilst it was nothing compared to how she had sounded 48 hours earlier Richard still couldn't help but frown.

"Can I?" Richard asked, motioning to his stethoscope as she leaned back against the bed.

Arizona nodded, her chest feeling a little tight. "Sure."

Listening to her lungs he was careful not to move her gown as he heard the gentle wheezing sound every time she exhaled. "Alex said you used to have asthma as a child?"

"Yeah but I grew out of it when we moved back to the US, my parents and pediatrician put it down to the dust and humidity of living in the Middle East; it was at its worse when we were living in Saudi," Arizona explained.

"You're wheezy, it could be bronchitis but I think we should finish the course of steroids and treat it as if it's a flare up of asthma just in case," Richard suggested.

Arizona nodded, knowing that the steroids and breathing treatment would help her breath easier, whilst having no adverse effect on her unborn daughter. "Ok."

"I'll have Michelle come back, set you up with an albuterol treatment, that should help you feel more comfortable," Richard explained as he sent off a page to the RT.

"Maybe I should put off speaking to Callie," Arizona suggested, the tightness in her chest making it difficult for her to get too many words out.

Just seconds later Michelle entered the room, practically crashing through the door. "Hey," she greeted, relieved to see that Arizona looked ok, when she had received the page from Richard she'd panicked, worried that the surgeon was crashing again.

"She's got bilateral expiratory wheeze and is struggling to speak in full sentences, I've put in an order to extend the course of steroids but I think she needs regular albuterol treatments, I know she's not asthmatic but the bronchitis is behaving like it," Richard informed the other woman.

Michelle removed her stethoscope from around her neck. "May I?"

Closing her eyes Arizona nodded as Michelle repeated the same process that Richard had performed just moments earlier, bringing herself to the same conclusion that the other man had reached. "I agree with Richard; your air entry is good still and there are no signs of a recurrence of the empyema, but there's definitely significant wheezing."

"Urgh," Arizona sighed as Michelle handed her the mouthpiece that she was becoming very familiar with.

Richard couldn't help but laugh as she pouted like a child. "You are definitely on the mend though, I give it 2 hours before she's demanding Alex bring her charts and April breaks her out of ICU."

Narrowing her eyes Arizona glared at her friend. "Bite me."

"Stop talking and breath," Richard ordered.

"I'll leave you in charge Richard, I'll be back in 2 hours to check how things are going," Michelle said, leaving the 2 surgeons alone again.

Richard watched as Arizona's breaths become less and less labored, as the albuterol treatment ran out of steam signaling that it had finished. Taking the mouth piece from her he was about to hand her some water when she started coughing, her eyes watering as she cleared some of the congestion that was still rattling in her chest.

"Urgh," Arizona groaned, repeating her earlier protest.

"Better out than in," Richard reminded her as he handed her a tissue. "As uncomfortable as this is it's a good sign; it means that you are getting strong enough to clear your lungs on your own."

"Yay me," Arizona yawned as she wiped at her mouth, before taking the glass of water from him, her hands shaking slightly from a mixture of exhaustion and the effects of the albuterol treatment. "I know it's just … urgh."

"Your eloquence astounds me," Richard laughed taking the glass from her.

"Bite-"

"You already used that one," Richard pointed out.

Closing her eyes Arizona shook her head. "I need to get some new friends."

"Before you fall asleep on me, again, erm … would you like me to delay Torres? Only she should be finishing up with Bailey soon and then she'll be headed straight here," Richard reminded her.

"No," Arizona coughed. "I just need to close my eyes for a few minutes, my chest feels better … there's no elephant sitting there anymore, I just need a few minutes," she insisted.

Tidying away the albuterol treatment Richard scanned the thermometer across her skin, relieved to find that her temperature was still normal he stretched out the kink in his back. Busying himself in finishing up the last of his charts, sending an e-mail to HR and trying to complete level 341 of Candy Crush, the same level that he had been stuck on for 2 weeks. Playing the brightly colored game was one of his few guilty pleasures this one being a secret that only Arizona was in on. After all it was the fetal-pediatric surgeon that had first got him hooked on the game, and he was determined to surpass her but last time they talked about it she was over 100 levels ahead of him.

He hadn't realized how much time had passed until he heard a tentative, almost shy knock on the door. Looking up he saw the familiar silhouette of Callie Torres.

"Robbins," he whispered, not wanting to startle her.

"See," Arizona breathed, pushing herself into a sitting position. "Told you I just needed to close my eyes for a few minutes."

Looking up at the clock Richard smirked. "87 minutes actually," he pointed out as another round of knocking echoed through the room, this one slightly more confident than the last.

"Callie?" Arizona questioned, running her hand through her hair trying not to think about what a mess she must look after 3 days without a shower or hairbrush.

"Yeah," Richard agreed. "Want me to let her in? Or I could ask her to come back," he suggested.

Arizona pushed herself further up the bed, wincing as the chest tube pulled a little bit, she had almost forgotten that it was still there. "No. Let her in."

Pausing at the door Richard was reluctant to leave her alone, although he knew Callie would not intentionally do something to upset Arizona he also knew that at times, when emotions were high, she could be hot-headed and impulsive.

"I'll be in my office if you need me, Michelle should be here in about half-an-hour to check on you," Richard said, opening the door and silently letting Callie into the room before he closed the door behind him, leaving the 2 women alone for the first time in months.

Shifting her weight from one foot to the other Callie remained with her back almost against the door, suddenly having no idea what to say to the woman in the bed.

"We can't talk unless you come closer," Arizona finally said, breaking the uncomfortable silence that was threatening to consume them.

Callie took small, cautious steps towards the bed, stopping just at the edge finally allowing herself to take in the appearance of the other woman. Arizona's hair was pulled back into a messy bun, her eyes were tired but still the same brilliant blue that she had fallen in love with. She had a central line in her neck that was attached to a variety of different infusions, there was an oxygen tube under her nose and the edge of a chest drain just visible snaking out of the right side of her gown.

"Bad hair day," Arizona joked trying to break the tension.

"Your hair looks fine," Callie mumbled.

Arizona couldn't help but smile at Callie's attempt to put her at ease. "Right."

"Sofia keeps asking when she can see you," Callie said, deciding that the neutral ground of their daughter was a good place to start.

"Hopefully I'll be out of ICU in a day or so and then she can visit, I've missed her, more than I ever thought possible," Arizona admitted.

Callie finally felt comfortable enough to sit down in a chair. "She's missed you too. I er … I'm flying back to New York tomorrow ... er just to sort things out so we can move back here for good, Sofia is staying with Meredith and Derek though and Richard has already offered to bring her up as soon as she's allowed to visit."

"Right, that's good, how long will you be gone for?" Arizona asked.

"I'm not sure, hopefully no longer than a week there's not much to sort out," Callie shrugged.

Deciding that it was now or never to address one of the many elephants in the room Arizona took a deep breath before she spoke, wincing slightly at the constant ache that seemed to have settled in her whole body. "So, things are really over with you and Penny?"

"We don't need to talk about that, it's not important, Sofia and I are moving back to Seattle and that's all that matters," Callie tried, trying to keep the promise she had made to Alex to keep things as calm as possible.

"We have to eventually, I mean after all it's the whole reason we are here right? Because you fell in love and moved our daughter across the country," Arizona accused, she had told herself that she would keep it amicable but now she was here, sat just inches away from the woman that had broken her heart she couldn't help herself.

Callie shook her head. "It wasn't like that."

"What was it like then?" Arizona wondered. "If it wasn't for love and a fresh start what exactly was it Callie? Just another way to punish me?"

"Arizona no, just no, I would never use our daughter as a weapon like that … I don't know how you could even think that," Callie argued.

Arizona shook her head, leaning back against the bed, suddenly feeling very drained. "I know, but that didn't mean that's not how it felt, losing Sofia, even if it was just across the country is the worst pain I have ever felt, not being able to see her every day, to wrap my arms around her, cuddle up with her at bed time and watch the way her face creases up when she's trying something new. These last 5 months have been the worst of my life, and I am not saying you are the sole reason behind that but … the things you let them say to me, the way you let them just cast my role in Sofia's life aside, like the last 6 years have never meant anything I … I never thought you would be able to hurt me like that."

"Ari-"

"I know I hurt you too Callie. And I know that some people might think I was being selfish, by trying to keep Sofia here but I really did think I was doing what was best for her, she has a life here Callie, her whole life," Arizona cried, her words punctuated by a small series of painful coughs.

Callie waited until Arizona's breathing settled before speaking. "I'm sorry. Penny was where I thought my future was and I know I didn't think it through, expecting you to get on a plane every time you wanted to see your daughter, but when you got the lawyers involved I just … I was angry and I didn't think about what this would do to you and to Sofia."

"She thinks I didn't want her," Arizona whispered.

"No she doesn't," Callie tried to reassure her.

Arizona nodded. "Yes, she does, she doesn't think I fought for her."

"Sofia thinks you created the world Arizona, there is no one else in the world that she loves as much as she loves you," Callie told her. "She thinks you hung the sun, the moon and the stars."

"I need you to promise me that whatever happens you will never question my place in Sofia's life again, that you will never try and take her away from me and question my dedication to her," Arizona pleaded, although she knew that Callie was all apologetic and full of guilt now, seeing the domino affect her actions had had, she still had no idea how she would react when the truth about her pregnancy was revealed.

Callie nodded. "I promise Arizona, Sofia is your daughter and I will never do anything to come between you, she needs you, she loves you and … you're her mommy."

"Sofia is the most important thing in my life, my daughter is my reason for living," Arizona said, silently turning it plural in her head.

"I know-"

The moment between the two women was broken as Michelle entered the room. "Oh Callie, hi," she smiled approaching the bed.

"Michelle has been my RT through all of this," Arizona explained.

"She's my star patient," Michelle chuckled as she removed her stethoscope and repeated the now familiar action of listening to Arizona's chest.

Arizona took a series of deep breaths when instructed, waiting until Michelle had finished before talking. "How do I score?"

"You're still pretty wheezy, I'm going to write you up for 2 hourly albuterol treatments for the next 6 hours and then we can review things then," Michelle observed, adding the order into her chart before setting up the breathing treatment and then leaving the exes alone again.

Callie was silent, her thoughts a jumbled mess as she watched Arizona's eyes flutter shut as she held the mouthpiece tight, her knuckled turning white.

Trying not to stare Callie reached down for her bag, knocking something off the side with her elbow she bent down to pick it up, instead finding her fingers curled around a grainy black and white image. Lifting it up her eyes immediately flicked to the left-hand corner, her breath catching in her throat as she saw the name written there and today's date next to it.

"You're pregnant, you're … really, really pregnant," Callie accused, her tone a lot angrier than she had expected it to be.

Dropping the mouthpiece to the bed Arizona opened her eyes, silently berating herself for not making sure the picture was hidden from view, she hadn't wanted the truth to come out like this. She needed more time, she needed to figure out what she was going to tell Callie, how she was going to explain to her that this didn't change anything, that it didn't mean she cared any less about Sofia.

"I-"

Callie could hear the wheezing start to increase as Arizona's heart rate spiked. "You need to finish this," she frowned handing the apparatus back to her, trying not to let her mind run away with her as she looked down at the image in her hand.

Arizona was pregnant, the woman who had resisted so hard to keep trying for another baby was pregnant, without her. Looking down at the ultrasound again Callie couldn't help the frown the spread across her face as the only sound in the room came from the hissing of the nebulizer.

Studying the image, she tried to remember everything she could from her OBGYN rotation as she carefully studied the image, the grainy black and white child appeared to be at least 16 weeks in gestation. Counting backwards in her head she realized that meant Arizona had to have made the decision to have another baby just days after Callie was awarded full custody of their daughter, and then finally going through with it around the time they moved to New York.

"You're replacing her," Callie whispered.

Arizona's eyes widened in panic, this was exactly the reaction she had feared. "No. It's not like that," she insisted, her voice muffled over the sound of the albuterol.

"Then what is it like?" Callie needed to know. "Because we must have been gone what … days … is that when you decided to have another baby? To just stop fighting for the daughter you already have and move on, have another child, forget all about Sofia?"

"I didn't want…"

Arizona trailed off, realizing she had nearly revealed her darkest secret, a secret she had already decided her ex-wife did not need to know.

"Didn't what Arizona?" Callie asked when the other women didn't continue.

Taking a deep breath Arizona exhaled as a series of coughs rattled through her body, bringing tears to her eyes, tears she wasn't sure were actually even caused by the physical pain.

"It's … complicated," Arizona hedged, once she was able to talk.

"It always is with you Arizona," Callie raged, standing up and grabbing her bag she dropped the ultrasound picture on to the bed before heading before the door.

Feeling her breathing speed up Arizona realized that if she didn't say something now, then she might never be able too, that the more time she had to think about it the more she would talk herself out of it again. "I didn't want it," Arizona shouted, finishing the sentence she had started earlier.

Callie's hand paused on the door as she tried to interpret the real meaning behind Arizona's words. "Didn't want what Arizona?" she asked, letting her hand drop from the door as she turned back to face her ex-wife.

"I … it doesn't matter," Arizona whispered, tears falling freely down her face as she felt her hands start to tremble, she couldn't let herself go back to that moment, she wasn't strong enough, but she also knew that if she didn't Callie might always think that she believed that Sofia's place in her life could so easily be replaced.

"It obviously does," Callie observed, seeing the absolute terror that clouded such familiar blue eyes.

Arizona closed her eyes, knowing that they had always given her away. "I didn't mean anything by it I just meant …"

"What happened Arizona?" Callie asked, her voice soft and cautious as she moved back over to the bed taking in the trembling form of the other woman, a trembling that she was starting to think had nothing to do with the illness she was fighting off, and everything to do with the demons she was fighting in her head.

Opening her eyes Arizona found herself looking straight into the familiar chocolate orbs that had always made her feel safe. "I didn't want it," she repeated.

"Arizona," Callie prompted when the blonde didn't continue, her hand reaching out to take hold of the smaller, trembling hand that was playing nervously with the edges of the ultrasound picture.

"The night of the custody ruling," Arizona began, her eyes clouding over as she tried to fight off the images that were threatening to overwhelm her. "I was in a bad place, I felt like I had lost everything … you were taking Sofia to New York and a teenage mother and her unborn child had died on my table just hours before the ruling. I didn't want to go home … nothing felt like home anymore anyway so I just kept walking, away from the court house, away from the reality of it all," she started to recall the shaking of her hands increasing as she felt herself being pulled further and further into the memory.

Callie tightened her grip on Arizona's hand, silently letting her know that she was there and that she would still be there after. And even though she had already started to put the pieces together in her head she knew that she needed to let Arizona speak, no matter how painful it might be for both of them.

"I was in a bar, it was just a normal bar with music, mood lighting and tables full of people talking. I don't know how many drinks I had, I wasn't counting, I don't even know when it happened or how … I mean I know it happened … but the rest is all just fragments of memories and nightmares but one minute I was in a bar and ... the next I was in my bed and … he … he was … I was … oh God," Arizona leaned over, throwing up all over the floor.

Callie knew she should make her stop, that there was time for the truth later but she also feared that if they didn't talk about this now then they never would, after all talking had never been their strong suit. She also knew that Arizona didn't owe her anything, that she wasn't her wife anymore and right now, sitting here, listening to her speak she realized, she didn't know what they were to each other. But what she did know for certain was how much the other woman was such an integral part of her life, she was her daughter's mommy and for Sofia's sake, in that moment she made a silent promise to herself, to Arizona and to their daughter that she would do everything she could to help the other woman through this.

Leaning back against the bed Arizona opened her eyes and focused them on the clock, fearing that if she closed them all she would see would be the broken memories she had of that night. "All I remember is his hands … his smell and the pain … the pain was … I'd never … no man … it was … he was … the only … his hands … I cried … so hard … then I don't remember anything other than the pain, he had his whole weight on me, his knees pressed into my ribs and … he hit me … his hands just kept … attacking me … even when he was finished."

"And then he was just gone," Arizona continued, not stopping to allow herself to think because if she allowed herself to think too much about the words she was speaking, she feared she would stop breathing. "I managed to make it to the bathroom, but the pain was so bad I couldn't get into the shower, my prosthetic leg was broken … I couldn't reach my crutches … the … I couldn't even shower … I couldn't stop heaving … for 2 days that room … that pain … that feeling … that was all I knew and then Alex was there, I could see in his eyes that he knew, that I didn't have to say the words ... I never had to say the words," Arizona sobbed, her whole body shaking as she tried to regain control of her breathing and emotions.

Climbing up on the bed Callie was careful not to pull the central line or chest drain as she pulled Arizona into her, her arms wrapping around the sobbing form of her ex-wife as if she was trying to protect her from the pain of what had happened to her. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry Arizona … I should have been there."

"Not your responsibility anymore," Arizona mumbled through her tears.

"You are the mother of my child, you will always be a part of my life Arizona," Callie vowed as she felt the other woman's breathing finally start to calm down and the shaking lessen.

Pulling away from Callie Arizona wiped at her eyes. "I didn't plan this … the baby … any of it but I'm keeping her Callie … it's not her fault, she didn't ask to be brought into the world this way and she's my baby, mine and mine only. She's my little-girl, just like Sofia ... she's mine."

Arizona's words pierced at Callie's heart in a way she couldn't explain when Arizona spoke about her baby, a baby she was having without Callie.

"I did everything they said," Arizona whispered, her hands falling to her baby bump as Callie moved to the bottom of the bed to give her some space. "I took all of the medication they prescribed, the HIV cocktail, the antibiotics, the morning-after-pill, all of them but … my head was all over the place and for days after I couldn't keep anything down but I didn't think, I didn't think … and now she's here … I did what they said, I took the pills and she's still here … she held on."

Callie nodded, her eyes falling on the tiny bump that was suddenly visible as the blanket fell down to her waist. For so long the image of seeing Arizona pregnant was something she had dreamt about, wished for and hoped for, but then she had miscarried and their marriage had fallen apart and she thought it would never happen. But here they were, more apart than they had ever been whilst Arizona faced one of the toughest challenges of her life; alone. And suddenly the image she had only ever seen in her dreams was a very real part of the nightmare they were living.

"After everything that happened ... I did some things … things I'm not proud of … but I was drowning … most days it took every last piece of energy I had just to breath, because everything hurt. I was working crazy hours, and when I wasn't working I was drinking … more than I have ever drunk in my life before … but I just needed it all to be gone. When I didn't get my period it didn't click, I thought it was just stress, but weeks turned into months and I knew … I never took a test but I knew," Arizona surmised, trying to explain where her head was at.

"Ar-"

"I was at the airport coming to see Sofia, I really planned on getting on the plane Callie. I have been on a plane since the crash … but I was at the boarding gate and I felt something … I felt her move … I didn't know she was a her then, and my feelings were … not what they are now and all of a sudden, I was back there, in my room ... my own home ... with his hands … I couldn't breathe … I couldn't speak … Richard had to come and get me … he thought it was the plane but it wasn't. I was pregnant and the father was someone that … hurt me … he destroyed me … and here this … thing … because that's what it was to me then … here it was living, growing and moving inside me," Arizona sobbed as once again she felt her emotions start to consume her.

Reaching out Callie rested a hand on Arizona's leg, realizing how even after so long apart she instinctively reached for her right, her mind always knowing not to go towards her left. "Breathe, just in and out and … breathe."

"I wanted it all to go away, they gave me pain pills and sleeping tablets after it happened … I don't know what I was thinking except how I wanted it gone … how I wanted to be gone … and then I was swallowing them … one by one like it was just a normal thing to do … I don't know how many I had taken, it was almost all of them and then I felt it move again and then next thing I know I'm on my knees throwing it all up. I was still here, the baby was still here but so was the pain, the guilt, the fear … the everything … I started drinking and I ended up on the roof … they found me … everything came out and then I ended up in here. So now you know, now you know everything," Arizona finished, her whole body practically sagging against the bed as she realized just how exhausted she was.

When Callie didn't say anything, Arizona felt compelled to speak. "So now you know … I didn't choose this Callie. I didn't want this, not this way. But it's happening and I'm going to do it, I'm going to have this baby and Sofia is going to be a big-sister and things would be so much easier if you could understand, help me help Sofia understand that she will always be my little-girl but ... that things are going to change. I know you don't owe me anything but we were a good team once. We were able put everything aside and be parents to her, good parents to her."

"I'd like that," Callie whispered. "I'd really, really like that."

"It's not going to be easy. I'm a mess, everything is a mess and most of the time I don't know where my head is at but I need Sofia in my life and you, me and Sofia even though we're over, we'll always be a part of each other's life Callie, always," Arizona smiled, feeling a tiny sliver of hope slip into the darkness that had become her every waking moment.

Callie nodded her agreement. "We're family. You, me, Sofia and … this little-one … I want to help you Arizona, as much or as little as you need, as your friend and as Sofia's mother I'll be there, for all of you."

"I-"

"What you have been through, what happened to you, I … the idea that someone hurt you, that I hurt you too it makes me feel physically ill. But if anyone can learn to find a way through this I know it's you. And that baby is so lucky that it gets to have you as a mommy, whatever, however, if I know one thing for sure it's this; that little-girl won the mom-lottery, just like Sofia did. We can do this Arizona, we can learn to be friends," Callie exclaimed, her eyes bright with unshed tears as she tried to comprehend the way her whole life, everything she thought she knew had been turned so completely upside down in a matter of minutes.

"Sofia's parents, that's all we are to each other Callie," Arizona corrected, her mind working overtime as she thought about how quickly Callie seemed to want to go all in, a decision she worried the other woman would regret in the light of a new day. Arizona wanted to believe everything Callie was saying, she wanted to believe that they could learn to be friends, but that was never who they were, they had never been through the friend's stage, they had been amicable, they had even been friendly to each other but they had never been friends.

She didn't want to believe, she didn't want to open her heart to the idea because she couldn't take any more hurt, any more loss, any more broken promises or hopes for the future that would never come to fruition. She needed to stop hoping that they could be something to each other again other than co-parents and just concentrate everything she had on making it through that darkness for herself, for Sofia and for her unborn daughter.

"Callie. I just think all we ... the best ... is to go back to how we ere before the custody battle. I-"

"Please Arizona, don't say anything else," Callie pleaded. "Today has been exhausting and you're not well, you're sick and tired and today was … I'm sorry I made you go through all of that but I'm glad you told me, because I want to help you but I don't want you to say anything, not now, just … get better … take everything you have and get better but know that I will be here. Sofia and I we will be here," she vowed, leaning over and placing a gentle kiss on her head before standing up and walking away, leaving Arizona alone to consider her words.

For so long all she had wanted was to hear Callie say those words, to be able to put all of the pain, fear and devastation they had caused each other behind them and learn to find a new normal. A normal that would benefit everyone, but right now, in this moment all she could allow herself to hope for was that they would be able to work together to help Sofia come to terms with all the changes that were about to come.

Changes that the little-girl would either embrace or run away from. After all in her 6-years of life their daughter had already faced so much change, and each time she had come out fighting, smiling and still believing in the innocence of the world. They needed to preserve that, they needed to protect her childhood.

GA

GA

GA

GA

I am currently at the airport awaiting a flight to Central African Republic where I will be spending 8 days volunteering- I will try and post but I have no idea what the signal/WiFi situation is so if not I will as soon as I return.

I know now I say this every time but thank you so much to everyone that takes the time to review they mean a lot, I will take your ideas and suggestions on board but the majority of this story is planned chapter by chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

5.

The drive to the airport was awkward, Callie barely said a word as Meredith tried to make small talk. Talking about plans for Sofia, what food the little-girl liked for dinner, where she would be sleeping, how many days she would spend in daycare, Callie's scheduled interview with Sofia's old school.

"Yes Meredith, no Meredith, of course Meredith, feed my child what you like Meredith," the general-surgeon mumbled, sneaking a glance at the other women, trying to figure out what was going through her head.

She had expected Callie to be affected by seeing Arizona again, by seeing how broken the other woman was and the knock-on consequences that her actions had caused. What she hadn't expected though was just how hard Callie would fall; after returning from the hospital she had spent a few minutes with her little-girl, held her close, promised her she would never let anything happen to her and then she had gone to her room and cried herself into an exhausted sleep.

"Callie. What happened yesterday?" Meredith finally asked, unable to take the silence anymore.

Callie bit her bottom lip as she tried to stop herself from crying, she didn't want to talk about yesterday, she didn't want to think about yesterday because thinking about it made it real. It made the trauma, devastation and pain that Arizona had been through all too real.

"I did this," Callie whispered. "Not intentionally but my actions broke her.

"Callie, you-"

Almost angrily Callie shook her head. "No. Don't, I know you're my friend Meredith but please don't try and make me feel better about what I did because right now, I need to feel this pain, I need to hurt like this because if I don't … if I don't feel it then … I need to feel it.

"Ok," Meredith agreed. "If you need to talk, I'm here."

"A butterfly flaps it's wings and a tornado happens," Callie mumbled, remembering something one of her high school teachers had told her.

Meredith frowned. "Huh?"

"Chaos theory; how one event can have consequences that you could never in a million years predict. I fell in love with Penny, or at least what my relationship with Penny represented, it was a new start, a chance to be me, after so long of being a part of Callie and Arizona but I didn't in a million years think it would bring me here, to this absolute, all-consuming pain," Callie tried to explain.

Looking at the clock Meredith realized they had over 4 hours before Callie's plane left, making a snap decision she turned left and pulled up to the nearest Starbucks, turning off the engine she led her friend inside, she ordered their usual coffees and found a secluded table at the back of the shop.

"You need to talk and I can be a good listener," Meredith explained as she handed Callie her drink.

"I didn't think about the bigger picture," Callie sighed. "I really thought she would be ok with me taking Sofia to New York, I didn't really think about what a big-deal it was, I just needed to prove to myself, to everyone that I could have a relationship with someone that wasn't Arizona," Callie whispered, her voice broken and thick with guilt.

Meredith nodded, not saying anything and just giving Callie the space she needed to organize her thoughts.

Looking down at her hands Callie played subconsciously with her empty ring finger. "And then she hired a lawyer and I realized she wasn't ok with this. She was so far from ok with this that all I could feel was anger, in my head, it stopped being about Sofia and it became about her trying to control me, I know that's irrational and so far from the truth but anger is … it's consuming. It was never about that, it was always about Sofia, it should always be about Sofia."

"My lawyer said we had to fight hard," Callie continued, her voice dipping even more. "The rational part of my brain knew that wasn't who we were, we weren't hateful people but I agreed because the idea of losing Sofia was more than I could take. But then when the time came, and my lawyer said all of those … horrible things about her she didn't fight back, she didn't let her lawyer destroy me and I should have known then, I should have realized then that … she was being the better person, the better mother," Callie cried, tears falling freely down her face.

"The person I let myself become; I don't know her. When I won I was so happy because it gave me the power to move on with my life but I didn't stop to think, not even for a second that although I had everything I thought I wanted she had lost everything," Callie breathed.

Taking a large gulp of her coffee Callie felt her whole body go rigid as she thought about everything that had happened after that moment, the chaos effect of her actions. "I know what happened after … I'm not to blame … I didn't … it wasn't me, but the way I behaved, the way I accused her of turning her back on Sofia because she couldn't get on the plane. That's all on me and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to fix us."

"Us?" Meredith asked, finally speaking. "Is that what you want? For you and Arizona to be an us again?"

"No. Yes. I don't know, I mean I do know but I don't know what kind of us I want us to be, I just know I want us to be something, I want to be someone she can trust and rely on but I don't know if Arizona is ready for that, I don't know if she'll ever be ready, if she'll ever be able to trust again but … I just want her to be a part of my life Meredith," Callie explained, not sure if she was making sense because right now how she was feeling wasn't making sense. But what she did know, beyond a shadow of a doubt was that the idea of going back to New York, even if only for a week was killing her.

After hearing her friend speaking, seeing the haunted, broken look in her eyes she now knew, without a shadow of a doubt that something had happened to Arizona. That all of the signs, the behavioral changes, long hours at work and obvious weight loss, they all pointed to something, something big. "Callie what happened? What is Arizona dealing with?"

"It's not my story to tell," Callie apologized.

Realizing she was right Meredith nodded, she had already invaded Arizona's trust enough when she had opened the prescription bag. "Right. Yes."

"Whilst I'm in New York, she needs to spend all the time with Sofia that she wants, if that means breaking the rules, having Sofia sleep at the hospital … you need to make it happen, we own the hospital, we're on the board … make it happen ok, whatever Arizona needs, whatever she wants; make it happen," Callie made her friend promise.

"I'll make it happen," Meredith assured her.

Silently Callie finished her coffee. "I know Arizona has people, that … she has people … but make sure she knows that I'm coming back ok? She needs to know that I meant every word I said."

"I'll tell her," Meredith nodded.

"I don't know if we can ever fix this Meredith and I don't know if she even wants to try," Callie cried crushing the empty paper cup in her hand as she wiped furiously at her eyes.

GA – GA – GA

Breathing out as April removed the chest drain Arizona winced at the sharp pain that vibrated through her body. "Can I shower now?" Arizona asked as April pulled the stitches tight.

"Think you can wait a few hours? Jo should be back soon with some clothes and toiletries and then you can shower and get changed into something less attractive than this designer gown," April joked.

"I suppose," Arizona sighed. "I just want to get out of here," she breathed, her hands subconsciously resting on her stomach. "I know that they won't let me home … well to Alex's place for days yet but … I just need to get out of ICU, I need to see Sofia."

April nodded, understanding the pain her friend was going through, at least on some level anyway. "I'll see what I can," she promised.

"Is she here? In the hospital?" Arizona wondered.

"Not yet, I think Meredith is dropping her off in a little while," April replied, remembering an earlier conversation she'd had with Richard.

Looking up at the window where she could make out a silhouette she sighed. "What are people saying about me?"

"People are worried. They know that you are sick, that you have a nasty infection and … that it was bad but they don't know anything else Arizona, the only people that know about the baby are me, Richard, Alex, Michelle and Dr. Peters," April tried to reassure her. "And we won't tell anyone," she promised.

"And Callie," Arizona added.

April's eyes widened at her friend's revelation. "You told her?"

"Everything," Arizona admitted. "I told her everything and she didn't run, she was … hurt, confused, but she didn't run, in fact she did the opposite, she offered to be here for me, for us, in … as much or as little that I want her to be … she wants to be and I don't know what to do with that. For so long, Callie was all I wanted, I wanted her to admit that she was wrong, that giving up on us was wrong but now … what if she was right, we hurt each other more than people should ever hurt each other and I don't know what to do with that," Arizona whispered.

April considered her words carefully before speaking. "Maybe you don't need to know, maybe you just need to be."

"Ok Yoda," Arizona joked, trying to bring some light back into the conversation.

"What I mean is; no one expects you to know all of the answers Arizona, what you are dealing with, what you've been dealing with is so much more than any of us could even begin to understand and Callie knows that. She knows that you need time to just be. So just be Arizona, let Callie help, or don't but just take it one moment at a time, don't put pressure on yourself to feel the need to define what it is just let it happen," April said, realizing that it made a lot more sense in her head than it did when she said it out loud.

Arizona nodded, understanding exactly what her friend was trying to say. "Yeah. One moment at a time."

The moment was interrupted as April's phone started to ring, looking down at the number on it she couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. "I need to take this," she apologized, not giving her friend a chance to ask any questions as she stepped out into the hall.

"Where are you?" April asked the person on the other end.

The conversation lasted another minute before she hung up and headed towards the elevator, just in time to spot Jo and Sofia stepping off.

"Hey," April greeted, taking Arizona's over-night bag from the young intern.

Jo led Sofia towards Arizona's room, stopping just outside. "You remember the rules Shortie?"

"Yep," Sofia popped. "No jumping up on the bed, no sitting on mommy, no tickles and no quick moves," the youngster remembered.

"Right," Jo chuckled.

Sofia looked up at the women, her hands planted on her hips as she frowned. "So can I see her now?"

"Just give me a minute," April requested.

Stepping back into the room she left Jo to deal with in an increasingly impatient Sofia Robinn Sloan-Torres.

"You feeling up to a visitor?" April asked.

Before Arizona had a chance to reply the door swung open, the youngster in question having managed to break free from Jo and head straight into the room where she knew her mother was.

"Mommy," Sofia practically sung as she headed straight for the bed where her mother sat resting against a sea of pillow.

"Hey Little-Goose," Arizona greeted, forgetting all about her aches and pains as she scooped the little girl up onto the bed, smiling through her pain as she held her daughter for the first time in months.

Sofia leaned her head on mother's shoulders as she wrapped her arms around her neck in a giant bear-hug. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too Baby Girl," Arizona whispered into her hair, trying not to cry as the last thing she wanted to do was confuse and upset her daughter.

Pulling back from her mother Sofia scooted down to the other edge of the bed, sitting in the exact same position her other mother had just 24 hours earlier.

"What's wrong Goose?" Arizona asked, confused by the sudden fear in her daughter's eyes.

"I broke the rules," Sofia cried, her chocolate orbs bright with tears.

Arizona motioned for Sofia to come closer, grateful that she was now off oxygen and only had to contend with 3 hourly albuterol treatments. "What rules?"

"No jumping on the bed, no sitting on you and no quick moves," Sofia recalled. "I jumped on the bed, I sat on your lap and was super quick," Sofia pointed out. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry mommy please don't be mad, I didn't mean to break the rules I was just so excited to see you. Please don't make me go back to New York mommy, I'll be good, I promise, please don't make me go back," she sobbed, her tiny body shaking.

Opening her arms Arizona pulled the young girl into a tight hug as she motioned for a guilty April and Jo to leave, she needed time alone with her daughter. Once they were alone she wrapped her arms right around the Sofia, needing her daughter to know that she was here and she wasn't mad.

"Sofia. Goose, the rules they gave you … they're not like the sort of roles we give you, they were just worried because I have been poorly and some of me is sore but what they didn't know, what they could never know, because it's our secret right is that you have super-magic hugs that make all the sore bits better," Arizona tried to reassure her daughter.

"Really?" Sofia asked, pulling away from her mother and tilting her head up.

Arizona smiled, wiping away the little-girl's tears. "Really. Your super-magic hugs are better than anything the doctors could ever give me. And even if you did break the rules Sof, even if you are naughty or sad or mad you are my little-girl and I would never send you away. You are here, back home and I am never letting you go again."

"I missed you every day mommy," Sofia whispered.

"I missed you every hour," Arizona replied.

Remembering the familiar ritual, they would have whenever Arizona picked her up from school Sofia laughed. "I missed you every minute."

"I missed you every second," Arizona continued.

Sofia blinked her eyes rapidly. "I missed you every blink."

Arizona held her hand to her chest. "I missed you every heartbeat."

"I missed you every breath," Sofia chuckled.

Arizona was quiet for at least 10 seconds before Sofia jumped out of her arms and punched the air. "I win, I win, I win," she sung doing a little dance from where she sat.

Shaking her head at Sofia's antics Arizona laughed as for the first time in months she felt happy, the first real moment of happiness she had felt since she'd lost custody of her daughter. "I love you so, so much Goose."

"Love you too," Sofia breathed, leaning back against her mother. "Mama says we are coming back to Seattle forever and ever and ever, is that true, like really, really true?"

Hearing the uncertainty in her voice Arizona hated that her little-girl was doubting their words. "It's really, really true Sof, you are here now and you are always going to be here with me and with mama."

"Like before?" Sofia wondered.

"Sort of," Arizona agreed. "Like before New York where we have different houses but we still see each other all the time."

Sofia sighed. "Can we have the same house like before, before?"

"I'm sorry Baby but we have different houses. Mama and I … but we both love you more than anything else in the world and you can see us both whenever you want, I promise," Arizona tried to reassure her.

"But you're sick, and when I'm sick you both look after me and I feel so much better. Mama and I will look after you, we will make you better," Sofia tried, wanting things to be how they used to be, back when both of her mothers were happy.

Arizona bit her bottom lip, before moving Sofia so that she was looking her straight in the eye. "I already am better, I had a dose of super-hugs, I feel better than I have in a long, long time."

GA – GA – GA

Walking in to the apartment she and Sofia had been sharing with Penny for the last few months Callie sighed, hearing soft music coming from the bedroom she realized Penny was home, she knew she would have to talk to her, that her girlfriend, soon-to-be ex-girlfriend, deserved an explanation but after everything she had been through in the last 24 hours she wasn't sure she was ready.

"I've been calling you," Penny said, stepping out of the bedroom and facing her girlfriend.

"Sorry," Callie apologized, mentally and physically exhausted.

Penny sat down on the sofa, waiting for Callie to follow suit. "I've been worried," she admitted as she watched her pour a glass of water before sitting down. "I got home and you were gone," she pointed out.

"Sorry," Callie repeated, fearing she was going to be spending the next few hours apologizing. "I had an emergency to deal with," she sighed.

"In Seattle," Penny added for her.

Callie could see where this was going, that the redhead was looking for a fight, a fight that she would end up blaming on Callie's ex. "Yes. I mean I was going to be going there anyway to drop Sofia off with Arizona so that she could spend some time her so … I just moved up my flight."

"I thought she said no to having Sofia?" Penny remembered.

"She managed to move a few things around," Callie shrugged, normally she would feel guilty for lying but right now she was struggling to feel anything other than pain.

Penny smiled. "So how long have we got the place to ourselves for?" she whispered, moving closer to the other woman so that she practically sitting on her lap.

Unable to comprehend being physical with anyone after the traumatic truth she had learnt yesterday Callie flinched.

"What the hell," Penny shouted, standing up and moving back.

"I'm sorry," Callie cried, unable to stop the tears from falling.

Reading between the lines Penny shook her head. "No."

"Penny," Callie tried, needing to explain the situation. "Look … I …"

Penny held up her hand to stop the other woman from talking. "No. Just no. You spend a few days in Seattle and suddenly I disgust you. I mean I know we've been arguing, that things have been hard but that happens in new relationships Callie. It doesn't mean you throw in the towel. I love you and you-"

"I don't love you," Callie admitted.

"I-"

"I thought I did," Callie interrupted, needing to say what she was trying to say now before she lost her nerve. "I really did Penny but … I was in love with everything you represented, I wish I could explain it better, you deserve better but I can't give you that."

Penny shook her head, her eyes bright with anger. "No. You don't get to just end this, not without trying."

"It's over Penny," Callie told her, needing to say the actual words.

"Did something happen in Seattle. She said something didn't she? She did this … is it because of Sofia, did she make you feel bad for taking her away because she's your daughter Callie, she belongs with you, the courts agreed, Arizona is an unfit mother, Sofia is better-"

"Stop," Callie shouted, unable to listen to her bad mouth Arizona anymore.

Penny laughed, a loud, bitter laugh. "Oh my God I'm right, you're breaking up with me because of her."

"I'm breaking up with you because my daughter's life is falling apart, Sofia is drowning here Penny and so am I. Seattle is our home, and yes Arizona is a big part of that because she is Sofia's mother but … it's our home. Seattle needs us and we need to be in Seattle," Penny explained.

"So, you're leaving," Penny whispered, realizing that she wasn't going to change her mind.

Callie nodded. "I'm leaving."

"When?" Penny wanted to know.

"Today," Callie replied, having already made up her mind on the flight to New York.

Penny's eyes widened in alarm. "Wow. How long have you been planning this?"

"I just decided," Callie admitted. "When I was in Seattle, when I saw how happy Sofia is there, how happy I am there, how much Arizona needs Sofia there."

"Arizona is a big girl," Penny raged. "She can look after herself for a few days, we have things we need to sort out, we have a home together."

Callie looked down at the ground. "House. It's a house Penny not a home and I have already paid out the lease. Stay till the end, don't stay it's completely up to you but I am here to pack my stuff, ring Sofia's school and that is it."

"I don't even know what to say," Penny admitted. "I really thought we had something."

"So did I," Callie breathed. "But I need to be back in Seattle, I wasn't lying when I said I went there for an emergency."

Penny raised her eyebrows in an accusing manner. "An Arizona related emergency?"

"She's sick," Callie hedged.

"Of course she is," Penny muttered.

Callie looked up from the ground. "No. She really is, she's in ICU, she's in a bad way Penny and together or not Arizona is my family, she's Sofia's family and she needs me, I need to be there for her."

"Fine. But just remember one thing, when she's better, when you've finished playing the hero out of some really misguided sense of guilt, we will still be over, if you leave now that's it, it's really, really it," Penny insisted.

Callie turned around and headed towards the bedroom. "It's already really, really over," she muttered under her breath, more than ready to move everything back to Seattle.

It took Callie just 4 hours to get everything sorted and packed ready to move back to Seattle, looking at her watch she realized that she had nearly an hour until the shipping company would be here to take her stuff.

Opening her laptop she logged on to her e-mails as she tried to find the address of the real estate agent she had last used, coming up blank she sent Meredith a text message asking for her advice, instead the only response she got was that her and Sofia were welcome to stay with them for as long as they needed.

"Urgh," she groaned, she was an adult, a mother, she needed a place of her own.

Turning back to her laptop she searched for real estate agents in Seattle, entering her search criteria before starting to scroll through the houses they had to offer.

On the first few pages nothing caught her eyes, it wasn't until she was about to give up when she saw it. A perfect 4-bedroom, 3-bathroom single story house. It had a large yard, pale blue exterior, white fence and was within driving distance to GSMH.

Making a snap decision Callie dialed a very familiar number. "Daddy. I need your help."

"Mija. What's wrong?" Carlos asked, immediately sensing the devastation in his daughter's voice.

Not knowing where to start Callie bit her bottom lip, she couldn't cry, there was no time for crying. "I'm moving back to Seattle. Er … Sofia, she needs to be back in Seattle, she's miserable here and so am I, things with Penny are over and … Arizona needs us and I need to be with her."

"Mi-"

"I nearly lost her daddy," Callie whispered. "And not just in an our marriage is over sense but in the she nearly died sense. She's been sick, really, really sick and for a while it was touch and go but she's going to be ok and I don't know if we will ever be ok but I need to try. I need to try and build some kind of a relationship for Sofia's sake but in order for that to happen we need to be in Seattle. I gave everything up but there's this house, it's perfect and it had everything we will need but…"

Carlos could hear in his daughter's voice that she really needed this, that he needed to do this for her. "How much do you need?"

"I have more than enough in my trust fund, it's just I can't take that much out in one go so I was wondering of you could call your accountant and remove the restrictions, just for a short while, I know it's a lot but, please," Callie pleaded.

"I can't do that Mija," Carlos sighed. "Your trust fund is for long-term needs. Sofia's school, college and anything she might need."

"Daddy-"

Smiling to himself Carlos interrupted her. "But if this is what you really want, if this house is everything you want then it's yours Mija. Just let me know how much and I will send you the money."

Unable to stop the tears from falling now Callie didn't know how to thank him. "It is. It's perfect. Thank-you, just, thank-you."

"Anything," Carlos reassured her.

"I just need her to be ok. I need Arizona to be ok and I need my family to be ok that's … all I need, all I've always needed I just couldn't see it," Callie admitted.

Carlos had been devastated at the breakdown of his daughter's marriage, the blonde surgeon having a very special place in his heart and life. "I love you Mija. Arizona and Sofia too."

Sending a message to the real estate agent Callie ended the call with her father, a large smile spreading across her face as she realized that she was in this, no matter what, no matter how long it would take she was going to get her family back.


	6. Chapter 6

6.

Walking into GSMH Callie felt a lot lighter than she did when she walked out of there. Yes, her soul hurt more than she could even put into words after Arizona's confession, but it had also made her realize what she should have known all along. That Arizona was her family and she needed to fight for that, fight for them.

"Callie," Meredith greeted, surprised to see her friend back so soon.

Callie turned around, adding a packet of sugar to her coffee. "Meredith. Hi."

"I didn't expect you back so soon," Meredith admitted.

"I didn't see the point in staying," Callie shrugged. "There's nothing left for me in New York, everything I need is here. Er, Sofia, is she in daycare? I've missed her."

Meredith shook her head. "No. She's upstairs with Arizona."

"Good, that's good," Callie smiled. "They should be spending as much time together as possible. I should go on check on them," she added, needing to see her daughter, and Arizona.

"Of course," Meredith agreed.

Thanking her friend for everything Callie grabbed a slice of pound cake, paying the cashier before heading towards the elevator. Her finger hesitating over the buttons as she suddenly realized she didn't know what floor Arizona had been moved too, because she wasn't her wife anymore, so she had no right to know where and how she was. Deciding to head up to ICU she hoped someone up there would take pity on her enough to tell her.

Stepping out of the elevator she immediately spotted a familiar face. "Michelle," she called, heading after the RT who had been helping Arizona.

"Callie, hey," Michelle greeted. "I was just heading down to round on Arizona, is everything ok?"

Callie nodded. "Everything is fine. I'll head down with you and pick Sofia up so she's not in the way whilst you check on Arizona," she suggested.

"Good luck," Michelle laughed.

"Sorry?" Callie frowned, not understanding what the RT was getting at.

Michelle laughed softly to herself. "Webber, Karev and Wilson already tried that, you have one strong willed little-girl there, not that I mind, it's good to see Arizona smile and Sofia is quite the budding RT, she's got setting up an albuterol treatment down to an art."

"Arizona is still on albuterol?" Callie worried, she had never known Arizona to have respiratory issues before other than the PE she suffered from after the crash. She knew from stories Arizona had told her that she used to struggle as a kid, that there was concerns whilst they were in the Middle East that she might be asthmatic but she had outgrown them.

Michelle eyed the other woman sadly. "You know I can't share confidential information with you. Sorry."

"I know," Callie admitted.

Pausing outside Arizona's room Callie stopped, her eyes bright with tears as she heard the loud, unfiltered, belly-laugh that belonged to her daughter, accompanied by the familiar laughter of her ex-wife, a sound she feared she would never hear again.

Holding up her hand she stopped Michelle from entering. "Could you just give them a minute?"

"Sure," Michelle agreed. "But I do need to go in there soon," she added.

"I know," Callie agreed. "Just one more minute, they just need one more minute."

Leaning back against the wall Callie waited as the laughter filtered out as she motioned for Michelle to go ahead, taking a few deep breaths she followed her inside to find Sofia curled up on the bed next to her mommy, a book held between them as Sofia carefully read from the pages.

"Mama," Sofia greeted, smiling up at her mother but not wanting to leave Arizona's side.

"Hey," Arizona smiled, her voice small and uncertain.

Walking towards the bed Callie watched as Michelle scanned Arizona's chart. "Hey Sof, how about you and I head downstairs and get some dessert so Michelle can check on mommy."

"Nah-uh," Sofia sung. "I'm her helper, right Michelle?"

"Told ya," Michelle mouthed towards the other woman before turning her attention back to the waiting child. "The best helper ever."

Sofia jumped down off the bed and picked up the chart that Michelle had just put down. "This says that you are doing super well, but that you still need 4 super-magic kisses an hour."

"Only 4?" Arizona laughed.

"Yep," Sofia nodded, her voice popping.

Callie couldn't help but smile at her daughter's antics as Michelle unwrapped the stethoscope from around her neck and approached the bed, her movements unsure as her gaze switched between the room's occupants.

"It's ok," Arizona reassured her, sitting up so the RT could listen to her back, before she moved around and listened to the front.

"My turn," Sofia insisted when Michelle was finished as she took the stethoscope from her and pretended to listen, her eyebrows furrowed and her lips pursed.

Michelle waited until she had finished before speaking. "What's the verdict?"

"Mommy your lungs are still whistling," Sofia sighed.

Looking to Michelle for confirmation Arizona helped Sofia back into her lap. "She's right, although it's only very mild wheezing in the bases, a huge improvement."

"Does she need the magic mist?" Sofia wondered.

Michelle nodded. "Yes. But then I think we can switch to 4 hourly nebulizers."

"And 4 times an hour kisses," Sofia reminded her.

"Of course," Michelle agreed. "But not just any kisses, they have to be super-magic Sofia kisses or they won't work," she added.

Sofia rested her head on her mother's stomach, drawing Callie's attention to the tiny baby-bump only just visible under her top. "Which means I have to stay here, forever. Right?"

"Forever," Callie agreed, looking directly at Arizona so the other woman could see she meant it.

As Michelle handed the albuterol to Arizona she helped her sit up, whispering something so only she could hear before leaving the room.

"Really?" Sofia asked, lifting her head off of her mother and facing her. "We are staying here forever? Not in New York."

Walking across the room and sitting down in the chair she watched as Arizona rested on hand on her stomach as the other one held the mouthpiece. "Really. All of our stuff is on the way here as we speak and I think I've already found us a home."

"But I want to live with mommy," Sofia sulked. "You said when I came back to Seattle I would get to live with her so I want to live with her," she argues, not realizing how much her words were hurting the other woman.

"I know Sof but things are different now, when we made those plans it was because I was going to be in New York but I'm moving back here too, we are all going to be in Seattle," Callie explained.

"So we can all live together?" Sofia hoped, her face lighting up with a hopeful smile.

Callie hated how confusing all of this was for the little-girl. "No. But you can see us both whenever you like, it just means you get 2 homes, 2 bedrooms and 2 lots of toys."

As she spoke the words Callie suddenly realized she didn't know where Arizona lived anymore, she couldn't imagine it was the same place that she had been attacked in. "Unless…"

"I'm staying at Alex's at the moment," Arizona said, as if she had heard Callie's thoughts. "I couldn't go back to the house, not after … everything."

"I'm waiting to hear back from the real estate guy but this place, it has 4 bedrooms, it's single story, hardly any steps an there's a yard, a really big yard, so we could, I mean …"

Arizona shook her head, pleading with Callie to stop, this was too much. "Callie. Please. I just need to … I need time and I need space and I appreciate what you are saying, really I do but … this is too much, too soon."

"Ok," Callie agreed.

The room settled into a somewhat comfortable silence as the nebulizer finished and Arizona leaned back against the pillow with Sofia curled in next to her. The young girl's eyes fluttering shut as she rested her hand on top of Arizona's stomach.

"Does she know?" Callie wondered.

Arizona shook her head. "No. I think she's confused enough at the moment."

"Right," Callie agreed.

Arizona looked down at where her daughter's hand rested on her baby-bump in an almost protective manner. "She doesn't even know and she's already the protective big sister."

"She's missed you so much Arizona," Callie whispered.

"I've missed her too," Arizona breathed.

Callie was quiet for a few moments before speaking. "I'm sorry about rushing things. I know it's not what you want, that building a relationship with me is not what you want. I just thought that maybe we could do it, maybe we could co-exist in the same house for Sofia's sake."

"You know I would do anything for her Callie. Anything. But right now, I'm not sure this is the right thing to do. I'm a mess, my head is a mess, my life is a mess. I need time and space to fix me, to get back to being … someone she can be proud of because I've lost that and I'm not sure she needs to see that. To see how damaged, I am and I don't know if I have the strength to hide it from her all day every day," Arizona admitted.

"Sofia loves you, no matter what," Callie tried to reassure her.

Arizona looked down at her sleeping daughter. "I know. But the nightmares, the terrors … I'm afraid of my own shadow right now and most of the time I don't know where my head is at. After the plane crash Sofia was too young to understand but now, she's smart and intuitive and … I don't want her to see me when I'm … it's bad and … I want to protect her."

"And who is going to protect you?" Callie wondered, her voice nothing more than a whisper.

"It's too late," Arizona whispered, her voice shaking.

Callie felt like her heart was breaking all over again as she realized just how much damage had been done to the woman in the bed. "Ari-"

"Don't Callie. Don't make promises you can't keep," Arizona interrupted.

"I'm not," Callie argued.

Arizona closed her eyes for a few seconds, needing to find a little clarity. "Yes, you are. We have been over for a long time Callie. And when you first called time on our relationship I would have given anything to believe there was still a chance, still some hope but as the weeks turned into months we moved on. You fell in love, you moved away and there was so much said, so much unsaid and we lost any hope. Now … you feel guilty, I get that, but you shouldn't … what happened to me it wasn't your fault Callie and a relationship built on guilt and some misguided sense of loyalty is not a relationship that is going to last. We need to be honest with each other."

"I never stopped loving you Arizona," Callie finally admitted, realizing if she said didn't say it now then she never would. "I know my actions might have said otherwise but … it's true, there wasn't a day when I didn't think about you, think about what we had, what we lost," she declared, needing her to know.

"Cal-"

Callie shook her head, she needed to finish what she had to say. "We're a family Arizona. You, me and Sofia and I know things are painful and complicated and just so, so hard right now but we could still be a family. You, me, Sofia and this little-girl. You don't need to do it alone, you're not alone."

"I can't. I can't give you more than that because I don't understand it myself, I just know I can't because it's not what I need right now, I need to know that I can do this. That I can heal and move on and be myself again. I don't need you to fix me Callie. I need to fix me, before I can be anything to anyone else I need to me again," Arizona replied.

"Why do I feel like we've been here before?" Callie sighed.

"Because we have," Arizona breathed. "And it fell apart then, there's no way of knowing that this time will be any different and I'm not strong enough for it to fall apart again, please understand that."

Callie knew she was right, that they couldn't rush into anything but it didn't stop it being what she wanted. "Ok. But I'm not going anywhere Arizona."

"I know," Arizona yawned.

"I love you," Callie whispered, resting her hand on top of Sofia's as she felt a tiny fluttering of movement beneath it. She wanted this, despite how it came to be she wanted all of it, she wanted her family back.

GA – GA – GA

Curling her legs up under her Callie held the beer bottle tightly in her hands as she watched her friend place the baby monitor on the table.

"Talk to me," Meredith pleaded, hating to see her friend in so much pain.

"I can't," Callie sighed, even as much as she wanted too a part of her felt she couldn't because it wasn't her story to tell.

Meredith watched her friend carefully. "Why? It's obviously hurting you, whatever it is so … let me help you."

"It's not about me," Callie breathed, running her finger across the rim of the bottle.

Looking around the room Meredith stood up. "Come on," she said, motioning for her friend to follow her.

Confused, Callie followed her anyway. "Where are we going?" she wondered.

"Outside," Meredith shrugged.

"Because Seattle in winter makes everything better," Callie huffed, following her out to the patio, sitting down on the oversized chair, her eyes settling on the fabulous view of the Seattle skyline.

Meredith sat down next to her. "It helps, seeing this always helps me see the bigger picture."

"If I tell you something you have to promise me that you won't react, that you will just listen and understand," Callie pleaded.

"Ok," Meredith agreed.

Callie took a swig of her beer. "Arizona's pregnant, about 5 months pregnant."

"And how do you feel about that?" Meredith asked, trying to keep any emotion from creeping into her response, just like Callie had asked.

"It's complicated," Callie began, not knowing how to explain exactly where her head was at. "Arizona being pregnant was … everything I ever wanted, it way my dream for so long and now it's happening and we are further apart than we have ever been. I hurt her, I made her think she was nothing, that everything we had meant nothing and now … she's everything Meredith."

Of all the ways Meredith had expected Callie to react to the news of her ex-wife's pregnancy this was not one of them. She had expected anger, frustration and confusion, this however she had not expected.

"When I walked away from my marriage I thought it was for the best. Arizona and I we were toxic to each other, I couldn't be happy for her and that made me realize that … we were better off without each other. Then I moved on, I found Penny and we moved away but she was there, in everything I did. I remember being with Sofia at MOMA and all I could think was; Arizona should be here, I pushed it aside but then you called and I came and … she's having a baby Meredith and the only thing that makes any sense, the only truth I believe is that; I want it to be my baby too," Callie admitted.

"And what does Arizona want?" Meredith asked.

"Not that," Callie whispered sadly.

Meredith moved closer to her friend. "Have you asked her?"

"Yeah," Callie breathed, her eyes never leaving the rim of the beer bottle. "She doesn't even want to be friends with me. God … I sound like a 5-year-old who has just been rejected by the popular girl on the playground."

"Maybe you just need to give her time," Meredith suggested.

"I know," Callie nodded. "I broke her Meredith. I promised to try, I promised I had forgiven her, I promised her that we would be ok and then I walked away. I gave up on her, on us and our family and now she doesn't believe that I want this," she cried.

Meredith leaned back against the chair. "She's probably scared. I remember when Derek told me he wanted me, after all of the drama with Addison and … everything. I was scared. It was what I wanted but I was scared. Maybe that's what Arizona feels too; she loves you Callie, everyone can see that, she's been walking around here like a ghost since you left."

"That's not because I left," Callie whispered, her voice barely audible above the hum of nature of nature that surrounded them.

"I-"

Callie didn't know if she had a right to be sharing what she was about to be sharing but she needed to tell someone, to talk to someone otherwise she felt like she would explode. "Something happened to her," she stammered, "Something big, something bigger than anything that happened between us and I don't know how to help her. I don't think she even wants me to be that person for her. But I want to be Meredith. I want to be the person that helps her; that makes her laugh again, that makes her love again, that makes her feel safe again. Because she's that, she's all that and so much more for me."

"What happened Callie?" Meredith asked, even though she was already putting the pieces together in her head.

"She … someone … she … he hurt her … and now … he hurt her …"

"Who hurt her?" Meredith exhaled, her heart breaking for the double-board certified surgeon.

Callie buried her head in her hands. "I don't know," she mumbled into her hands. "Some faceless, nameless stranger r … r …raped my wife," Callie sobbed, realizing this was the first time she had said it out loud, as she instinctively referred to Arizona as her wife.

As Callie said the words out loud suddenly everything fit into place and Meredith felt like she had been punched in the stomach. Her and Arizona had never been close, not like her and Callie were but that didn't mean her heart wasn't breaking for the other woman. She had thought something had happened, something big. But as time went on and things seemed to go back to normal she put all the changes in Arizona down to Callie and Sofia leaving.

The month after the custody hearing had been brutal. Arizona had disappeared without a word to anyone, or at least so it seemed but Alex seemed to know something, if the way he reacted whenever her name was mentioned was anything to go by. Then she returned, and for a few days it was like nothing had changed. But Callie followed through on her promise and took Sofia to New York.

With the youngster gone and nothing to keep her from falling apart everyone had watched as little-by-little, piece-by-piece everything that made Arizona, Arizona disappeared. She stopped laughing, spent all day at the hospital, slept there at night and when someone finally forced her to go home she would return just hours later looking like she had not slept. Everyone hoped it would get better, that she would find herself again but things just seemed to get worse. She didn't socialize, she barely talked to anyone. The only people she seemed to be receptive to was Alex, Richard, April and as time went on Jo Wilson.

"The baby?" Meredith asked as she started putting 2 and 2 together.

"Yeah," Callie cried.

Meredith pulled her friend in for a hug. "Is she…"

"She's keeping it, keeping her, it's like she said it's her baby and it didn't ask for any of this but …" Callie trailed off not sure if she should continue. "But I don't want it to just be her baby Meredith. I want her to be our baby. She's Sofia's sister, Arizona's daughter and … it's my family Meredith."

"Look, I know Arizona is saying that she doesn't want it, that she doesn't want you but … she is processing so much right now, more than either of us could ever imagine. What happened to her, what she went through is something no woman should ever have to live through. So you need to be patient. You need to be there for her, but not overwhelm her. You need to support her but not try and do everything for her. You need to listen and not talk. You need to let her take the lead and you need to follow, because so many decisions have already been taken away from her that she needs to be in control. I know you are hurting and … but Arizona is hurting more and I know it's not a competition but this needs to be about her now Callie, about what she wants and what she needs and then hopefully in time what she needs and what you want will become the same thing. But right now … small steps," Meredith suggested, trying to make her friend see that just because things seemed hopeless right now it didn't mean they always would.

Taking a swig of her now dry beer Callie wiped furiously at her eyes as her whole body shook with grief and anger. "I know," Callie whispered. "I just don't want her to be alone."

"She's not alone," Meredith pointed out. "She has people."

"She has a village," Callie sighed. "A village that doesn't include me."

Meredith shook her head gently. "It will always include you Callie. You have a daughter together."

"Why her?" Callie cried. "Things like this should not happen to people like her, I mean it shouldn't happen to anyone, no one should have to go through that but Arizona …she's been through so much already, lost so much. She doesn't deserve this, she's one of the kindest most understanding people I know, she saves children, she fixes babies before they are even born. She helps people even when they can't afford it, did you know she pays for people to fly out to see her? She's screwing herself financially to save other people because that's who she is Meredith, things like this should not happen to people like her."

"You can't change what happened Callie, but you can change what happens now," Meredith declared, giving her friend hope that it wasn't over.

GA – GA – GA

Walking out of the shower Arizona winced, after 7 days of not wearing her prosthetic being back in it again was painful, as if she was learning to walk again. With slow, steady steps she wrapped the gown around herself and sat down in the chair next to the bed, her eyes settling on a bag from her favorite deli.

Picking it up she spotted the post-it-note attached, unable to stop the tentative smile that spread across her face when she spotted the familiar handwriting.

"I figured you'd had enough of hospital food so Sofia and I stopped by your favorite spot."

Opening the bag, she found a dark red smoothie, which she knew was likely a super-berry blast and an almond croissant, her favorite go to whenever she passed the small, family-run deli. Inhaling the familiar scent, she took a grateful bite as she leaned back in the chair and sipped hungrily on the smoothie.

Within minutes the cup was empty and croissant gone as she realized just how hungry she was, the hospital issue breakfasts being something she had been unable to stomach. When they were together, when her and Callie were married she would always leave packages of food on the pediatric ward, knowing that Arizona would get so focused on work that she would often forget to eat.

For the longest moment Arizona was so lost in memories of happier times that she didn't even hear the door opening until she heard footsteps approaching.

"Hey," Jo smiled.

"Sofia get to daycare ok?" Arizona asked.

Jo nodded, pulling a chair over towards the bed she sat down, leaning back she lifted her legs up and rested them on the bed. "Yep."

"Make yourself at home Wilson," Arizona chuckled.

Jo shrugged, chuckling quietly. "It's been a long 24 hours."

"Were you on call last night?" Arizona questioned, suddenly feeling guilty that she was the reason Jo was not at home in bed.

"Yeah," Jo yawned, suddenly feeling the effects of her marathon shift.

Arizona turned to face her. "Why didn't you say? I could have had someone else pick Sofia up and drop her off."

"Because we're friends," Jo replied, as if the answer didn't even need saying. "And friends help friends, even when they are tired beyond tired."

Taking off her leg Arizona winced again, lifting up her other leg and mirroring the younger doctor's position as they both leaned back, closing their eyes and allowing the silence to settle over them, her hand resting on her stomach as she felt the gentle, barely their movements of her unborn daughter.

"She moving?" Jo asked, watching the smile spread across her friend's face.

"I think so," Arizona replied, lazily opening her eyes. "I mean … I felt it before a few times but over the last 48 hours it's different, it's this fluttering that … I think she's trying to let me know everything is going to be alright. As a doctor I know that sounds stupid but as-"

"A mom it sounds great," Jo finished for her.

"Yeah," Arizona agreed.

Pulling out her cellphone Jo typed something into the search engine before pushing herself into more of a sitting position. "It says here that she's the size of a banana. That moving will feel like fluttering or bubbling and that she has eyelashes and eyebrows and her taste buds are beginning to form."

"I am a fetal surgeon Jo, I think I know the developmental stages of a baby," Arizona laughed.

"I know, I know," Jo replied. "But this is different, this is your baby and … this is what pregnant women do right? They google how big the baby is, start making a long list of names and choosing colors for the nursery. I mean that's what you and Callie did with Sofia right?"

Arizona smiled at the thought of her daughter. "No. We didn't have a chance. Sofia she was born early, really early at 23 weeks and … we didn't have a chance."

"Please don't make it pink," Jo pleaded.

"Make what pink?" Arizona wondered.

Jo grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl on the side. "The nursery. I mean I know pink is kind of like your thing but no kid should have a pink nursery."

"You need a home before you can start planning a nursery," Arizona sighed sadly.

"You have a home, with Alex and I, I mean I know it's not ideal but we have spare rooms and what better place to be than with a live-in pediatric doctor, plus I'm pretty good with tiny humans too," Jo pointed out.

Arizona raised her eyebrows in surprise. "You wouldn't mind? I mean you and Alex are … young and I'm … I have baggage."

"It's your home Arizona," Jo reminded her.

"Thank-you," Arizona breathed out.

Jo shrugged as if having your boss and her baby live with you was nothing. "Just promise you won't make the nursery pink?"

"Grey," Arizona began. "I always wanted a soft grey nursery with one feature wall, perhaps a world map in bright colors and then over the crib; which would be white, I would have the baby's name in brightly colored fabric letters and there would be framed pictures of animals and a rocking chair because every nursery needs a rocking chair," she finished suddenly realizing she had given it a lot more thought than she realized.

"Sounds perfect," Jo agreed.

Arizona could hear the pain in the voice of her new friend and confident. "You ok?"

"Yeah," Jo sighed. "I was just thinking about how lucky Sofia and that little one are to have you as a mother. My parents … they didn't care, my foster parents didn't care, no one did, but you; you care and that's all any child needs right, someone that cares so … they're lucky, so freaking lucky."

"You have people that care," Arizona reassured her.

Jo smiled at her friend. "I know. So do you … you know that right?"

"For a long time, I didn't," Arizona admitted. "But I do now."


	7. Chapter 7

7.

Walking into the cafeteria Jo immediately spotted the woman she was looking for. "Sofia asked me to remind you that it's her turn to bring the snacks tomorrow."

Callie nodded, not looking up from her lunch. "Thanks."

"She also asked if I could take her to the park tomorrow, I said I would check with you," Jo continued.

"That should be ok," Callie agreed.

Jo leaned back, slurping loudly on her drink. "She wants a soft grey nursery, with a rocking chair, white crib, world map and animal pictures."

"What?" Callie asked, her face furrowed into a frown.

"Arizona she's trying so hard to fight through the darkness and she's getting there, having Sofia here, having you here it means more to her than she will ever say. She's fighting back," Jo told the other woman.

Callie looked up, confusion written across her face. "What has that got to do with a nursery?"

"I know you're trying too, she told me about the house, about what you said and she also told me that she's not ready yet but she will be, because she's fighting so I just thought you should know that, she wants a soft grey nursery just in case you were wondering when you were deciding how to decorate all those extra rooms you have," Jo smiled as she stole a fry from the other woman's plate before getting up and leaving her alone.

She barely had time to contemplate what had just happened before she was joined at the table by Meredith.

"You look confused," the general surgeon observed.

"That's because I am," Callie admitted.

"Arizona?" Meredith wondered.

Callie shook her head. "Wilson."

"Alex's Wilson?" Meredith asked, now just as confused as the other woman.

Slowly, Callie nodded. "Yeah."

"Ok, I'm officially lost," Meredith huffed, taking a handful of fries from Callie's plate.

"Why does everyone keep doing that?" Callie wondered.

Meredith finished her mouthful. "Doing what?

"Stealing my food," Callie sulked.

Meredith watched as Callie moved her plate out of reach. "Is this really all about fries?" she asked, genuinely confused as to the direction this conversation was going.

"No. She was giving me decorating advice." Callie elaborated.

"So your bid was accepted?" Meredith grinned. "I mean not that I don't love having you and Sofia at the house but her and Zola seem to think it's one big sleepover which means that they are pushing the bedtime limits."

Callie couldn't help but laugh, the two young girls has been partying until nearly 11 ever night ever since Sofia moved back, as if they were making up for lost time. "Yeah, my dad is pushing through the paperwork and we should be able to move in a few weeks."

"That's good right?" Meredith wondered.

"Yeah, it's good," Callie sighed.

"Then why do you look like someone just told you that you can't have a puppy?" Meredith wondered.

Callie pushed her plate away, suddenly not feeling very hungry. "Because everything is moving so fast. 2 weeks ago, I was living in New York, Penny and I were fighting but I thought we had a chance. Arizona was … I could push her out of my mind but now here I am, back in Seattle, buying a new house and wondering if things will ever be easy again."

"Like you said, it's been 2 weeks, give it time," Meredith suggested.

"I want to give her a soft grey nursery with animal pictures Meredith," Callie whispered.

Meredith leaned back in her chair. "You know they are hoping to discharge her today?"

"Hoping?" Callie questioned. "Why what's happened? Has she deteriorated?"

"No," Meredith reassured her. "Everything is looking good, her numbers are good, she's off the albuterol and she's managing oral antibiotics, last I heard they were just waiting for her latest labs and if her infection markers are normal then she gets to go home."

Standing up Callie pushed her chair back. "Home."

Watching her friend leave Meredith debated going after her for a few seconds before deciding that she needed to be alone. That she needed time to figure out whatever it was she was wrestling with.

Callie hadn't even given any thought to where she was going until she found herself outside Arizona's room. She hadn't been to see her in a few days, giving her the time, and the space she said she needed when she requested she had stayed away. Instead leaving packages of food, her favorite magazines and a selection of DVD's in her room for her, just a few little gestures to let her know that she was still there, still waiting for her.

"Hey," Callie greeted, walking into the room, relieved to find Arizona alone.

Putting down the magazine she was reading Arizona looked up. "Hey."

The first thing Callie noticed was that Arizona was dressed in casual clothes for the first time since her return. She was wearing a pair of black yoga pants and a grey V-neck top with a lavender oversized cardigan.

"My jeans don't fit," Arizona shrugged, feeling uncomfortable with the silence.

"Sorry I haven't been by," Callie apologized. "I was trying to give you space but Sofia said you were being discharged today and I just wanted to see you before they let you go," she admitted.

Arizona nodded. "I appreciate that."

"Which part? Me giving you space or wanting to see you?" Callie wondered.

"Both I guess," Arizona smiled tiredly.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed Callie's eyes drifted across her ex-wife. "You look tired."

"Considering all I've done is sleep for the last 14 days you'd think I would have more energy," Arizona sighed, the frustration obvious in her voice.

"You're recovering," Callie reminded her.

"So everyone keeps telling me," Arizona snapped, feeling guilty the minute the words left her mouth. "Sorry, it's just … frustrating."

Callie shook her head, silently telling her that no apology was needed. "You've never been the most patient, especially when you're sick."

"I-"

"Remember the time you threw the thermometer at me?" Callie recalled, trying to prove her point.

Arizona laughed, remembering exactly the time Callie was referring to. "That was the fever, it made me crazy."

"Right," Callie sung. "Was it also the fever that made you hurl your magazine at the wall and accuse me of holding you hostage?"

"Yep," Arizona nodded, her voice popping on the word.

Pulling her legs up onto the bed Callie crossed them in front of her. "Of course."

"Thank you for the gifts, I mean I'm assuming the food packages, magazines and DVD's were from you because no one else would know to bring me them. No one else knows me like that," Arizona said, her voice almost hesitant.

Callie shrugged. "It's nothing."

"It's something," Arizona countered.

"We should talk about Sofia's schedule, I mean since we came back and things have been up in the air so we've been winging it but we should work something out," Callie suggested.

Arizona shuffled, wincing as her prosthetic rubbed every time she moved. "Yeah, we should all know where we stand."

Callie watched as Arizona slowly moved towards the edge of the bed, unable to hide the pain in her eyes as every movement sent a wave of pain through her body. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah," Arizona lied, limping towards the table and grabbing her drink before sitting down.

"That had better be decaf," Callie joked, remembering back to when she was pregnant with Sofia and how Arizona had forced her to give up caffeine.

Arizona held it up and nodded. "It a chai tea latte, my new addiction."

"Good, because it would be a bit of a double standard if you were drinking coffee when you banned me from drinking it when I was pregnant with Sofia," Callie pointed out.

"It's good, my body is a caffeine free zone," Arizona reassured her, shifting her weight backwards in the chair as she tried to get used to the weight of her leg again.

Callie tried not to react as she watched Arizona struggle against the pain her leg was obviously causing her. But she was an orthopedic surgeon and the woman she loved was in pain with an orthopedic problem. "Arizona-"

"It's fine Callie," Arizona insisted, knowing exactly where this was going. "It's just taking a little while to get used to it again, it's been the longest I've been without since I got it so it's pinching and chaffing … I just got to get used to it."

"It could be more than that," Callie worried, as she watched Arizona gently massage her residual limb.

Arizona looked up from her leg to face her ex-wife, her frustration fading as she saw nothing but concern in the other woman's eyes. "Like what?"

"You're pregnant Arizona. Your body is changing, pregnant women get swollen feet and you have a residual limb, it's closer to your heart so it's not entirely unlikely that it would become swollen earlier on in the pregnancy," Callie pointed out.

"Great," Arizona mumbled, kneading harshly at the offending limb. "I do not need to be confined to a wheelchair and crutches for the rest of this pregnancy," she worried.

Callie moved towards the end of the bed. "That won't happen Arizona. I won't let that happen. Can I?" she asked, motioning towards her leg.

"I … ok," Arizona agreed, after all Callie was a doctor.

Slowly Callie moved forward, helping Arizona to her feet as she undid the string of her pants and lowered them to the ground, a pair of black boy-shorts on underneath. Helping her sit back down she removed the leg, placing it on the floor, giving Arizona a few moments to get comfortable with the fact she was sat in her underwear before continuing.

"Is it ok if I put my hand on your leg now?" Callie asked, understanding that physical contact of any kind would be very hard for her right now.

Arizona nodded, her breath hitching. "Yes."

"I'm sorry," Callie apologized as she felt Arizona's whole body go tense.

"It's not you," Arizona tried to reassure her. "I trust you, I do, with this I do it's just …"

Callie gently continued her examination of Arizona's limb. "I know."

"Is it … will I be able to walk without pain," Arizona asked, trying not to remember the last time someone had their hands on her.

Feeling Arizona shake under her touch Callie removed her hands, helping Arizona replace her leg before getting back into her pants. "There's some swelling of your leg, it might be related to the fact you haven't been ambulatory for a while but if it continues there are socket adjustments we can make and if those don't work you might need a new socket but we will make it work Arizona. I promise."

"Thank-you," Arizona whispered.

"I should er …"

"We didn't sort out Sofia's schedule," Arizona reminded her.

Callie moved away from her, wanting to give her space. "We can sort it later."

"Are you sure? I mean I have time now … I have nothing but time at the moment," Arizona said, trying to move away from the uncomfortable situation they had found themselves in.

"I don't want to-"

Arizona shook her head. "It's ok Callie, honestly, I needed help and you were helping, me being … it's not you."

"Ok," Callie agreed.

"Er, I'm staying at Alex's place, I wasn't sure if you knew that but I am," Arizona told her.

Callie recalled Arizona mentioning it a few days back whilst they had been trying to explain to Sofia why they couldn't all live in the same house. "You mentioned it, yes."

"I haven't been able to go back to the house since, I should probably sell it but my minds been on other things," Arizona sighed.

"If there's anything I can do to help," Callie offered.

Arizona smiled gratefully. "Thank-you. So I probably won't be back at work until the issues with my leg are sorted out so I could take Sofia as much as you like."

"You need to rest too," Callie replied. "You're still recovering Arizona. And I know that's not what you want to keep hearing but it's true."

"I know," Arizona sighed. "But that doesn't mean I can't lie on the sofa with my daughter and watch the singing movie over and over again," she pointed out.

Callie considered things for a minute before speaking. "I know we said we should work out a schedule but how about we just keep playing it by ear, you can have her whenever you want. Then when things are more settled and we are all back in a routine we can work something more concrete out."

"I'd like that," Arizona nodded.

"Sofia too, she's so happy since we moved back here, in New York … she was losing herself and it was my fault but now, being back here she's back, it's almost like nothing ever happened, she even had French toast for breakfast today," Callie laughed.

Arizona frowned. "I don't understand … she loves French toast."

"Yes. But in New York she wouldn't eat it because it's what she used to have for breakfast when she was with you, she said eating it without you made her sad," Callie informed her. "And I did that, I made my daughter sad, but she's happy again now and she's eating French toast."

"Maybe we can take her out for breakfast at the weekend," Arizona suggested.

Callie's eyes practically lit up. "I'd … she'd like that, she'd really, really like that."

"Me too," Arizona smiled. "So I guess we need to figure out a way to get this leg working for me again by the weekend, because right now I can just about make it to the bathroom."

"I guess we do," Callie agreed, unable to hide her smile as she realized that perhaps Meredith was right, that giving Arizona space, taking small steps and allowing her to be in control would lead them both back to where they wanted to be.

GA – GA – GA

Walking into Alex's house Arizona practically collapsed onto the sofa, the pain in her leg causing tears to pool in her eyes.

"Give me a freaking break," she muttered, her eyes glancing up at the ceiling.

"Everything ok?" Richard asked, sensing her distress.

Arizona started nodding, then stopped midway through and shook her head. "No. It seems my prosthetic hates that fact I have been off of it for so long and is also protesting the changes pregnancy is making to my body."

"Who's your prosthetist?" Richard asked.

"David Moore," Arizona sighed. "Callie has already contacted him when I first noticed the changes this morning," she informed him.

Richard nodded, sitting down next to her. "If you need me to pull any strings, make things go faster let me know, ok? I mean I may not be Chief anymore but I still have some pull."

"You'll always be Chief," Arizona smiled tiredly. "Just don't tell Bailey I said that. Because she's Chief too, you're just the OC."

"OC?" Richard frowned.

Arizona chuckled. "Original Chief."

"OC, I like that," Richard said, nodding his approval of the nickname.

Arizona closed her eyes, grateful to be away from the hum and smells of the hospital, being a doctor at the hospital was one thing but being a patient there was a completely different set of emotions.

"I er, would you like me to make some dinner?" Richard offered.

Slowly, Arizona shook her head. "No. Callie is bringing Sofia round in an hour and we are going to order pizza and watch a movie."

"We?" Richard wondered.

"Sofia and I, I think, I mean Callie didn't say anything about staying for the evening," Arizona stammered, suddenly wondering if perhaps she should have offered, after all the other woman had been going out of her to make things easier for her since returning from New York. Perhaps it was time she gave her a little in return.

Richard immediately sensed the hesitation in her voice. "Would you be opposed to her staying?"

"I don't think so," Arizona shrugged. "I mean things are ok between us, I thought us being friends was something that would be hard but even with me resisting that seems to be what's happening and … it doesn't feel wrong," she admitted.

"That's a good thing, right?" Richard prompted, wondering exactly where her head was at.

Arizona nodded. "I think so. It's just unexpected."

"Sometimes the best things in life are the things we don't expect," Richard sighed, watching as she massaged her leg. "Is there anything I can get for you? Before I leave?"

"No," Arizona breathed. "I just took some Tylenol and all I need now is to take this off and give my leg a chance to breath," she explained.

Richard stood up. "I should leave you to it," he said, leaning down and pressing a protective kiss to her head. "You know where I am if I need anything," he finished before leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Leaning back against the soft cushions she took a few deep breaths before leaning forward again and removing her leg. A hiss of pain escaping her lips as the cool air hit the angry red skin of her residual limb. Placing a cushion under it she adjusted her position so she was curled up on her left hand side, one hand under her head as the other one rested on her stomach.

She has just planned to close her eyes for a few minutes, allow her body a chance to rest and recover from her suddenly increased activity levels. However, a few minutes turned into over an hour and the next thing she was aware of was a pair of soft, gentle familiar hands grabbing her cheeks.

"Mommy, mommy, mommy," Sofia sung softly.

Pushing herself into a sitting position she smiled at the youngster. "Hey Goose."

Climbing up next to her Sofia placed a kiss on each cheek, one on her forehead and another one on her mouth. "It's time for your scription, 4 super-magic kisses."

"And I feel so much better now I've had it," Arizona assured the youngster.

"Mama says that we are having a pizza and movie night tonight," Sofia said, cuddling into her mother's side.

Arizona ran her hand through Sofia's silky locks. "We sure are?"

"Am I sleeping here tonight?" Sofia wondered. "Or are you picking me up later?" she asked, addressing the second part in Callie's direction.

"Er," Callie wasn't sure how to answer the question, she wasn't sure if Arizona would be up to having Sofia stay over on her first night home. But she didn't want to make assumptions and upset the other woman, she didn't want her to think that she didn't trust her. Right now she felt like she felt like she was building her house on sand and one wrong move could send it all tumbling down.

Sensing Callie's hesitation Arizona made a snap decision. "You should stay," she said.

"Arizona. I-"

"If you want to that is," Arizona shrugged. "Alex and Jo are at the hospital, one of the kids matched with UNOS so they will probably be there till the morning. And … you should stay."

Walking into the room Callie removed her coat. "I'd like that."

"Me too," Arizona whispered as she started to wonder if perhaps Callie was right, that they could do this, that they could build a friendship.

"We brought Moana," Sofia announced, pulling the DVD out of her backpack and handing it to her mommy.

Callie pulled her phone out of her bag. "Shall I order the pizza?"

Arizona nodded, her eyes flickering up towards the other woman as a small, genuine smile crossed her lips. "I'll have the usual but with extra olives."

"You hate olives," Callie remembered.

"I do," Arizona giggled, her hand motioning towards her stomach. "Seems like someone else doesn't though."

Placing the order Callie leaned back in the chair, watching as Sofia pulled an assortment of coloring books out of her bag, a game of travel-size connect 4 and a well-loved stuffed animal. It wasn't until she was back in this moment, listening to her ex-wife and daughter laughing together, enjoying each other's company and just being with each other that she realized how much she had missed being a part of it.

"You ok?" Arizona asked, concerned about the other woman's silence.

"I'm good," Callie reassured her. "In fact, I'm better than good," she whispered.

Jumping up from her place on Arizona's lap Sofia practically ran over to her other mother, grabbing her by the hand and dragging her towards where Arizona sat. "Play with us mama," she requested.

"But it's for 2 people only," Callie pointed out as Sofia began to sort out the red and yellow counters.

"You can be on mommy's team, because I'm the best at this game so she will need some help," Sofia explained.

Arizona laughed, playfully nudging the little-girl. "Is that right Little Miss Modest?"

"Yep. I'm the best," Sofia announced, her chest puffing out and her hands resting on her hips.

"When did our 6-year-old turn 16?" Arizona wondered as Callie joined her where they were currently sat on cushions around the small coffee table.

Callie laughed in response. "About 10 minutes ago it seems. Are you ok?" she asked, she couldn't imagine that being sat on the floor was very comfortable for Arizona, especially with the way her leg had been playing up.

"I'm ok," Arizona reassured her as her gaze shifted between her ex-wife and daughter. "In fact, for the first time in a long time I'm more than ok. I'm good."

And as she said the words Arizona realized that they were true, she really did feel better than she had on a long-time. She knew she had a lot to work through, that there was so much going on in her life that she didn't even know where to start. But right now, in this moment, she also realized that she had a lot to be grateful for.

She had a beautiful, healthy, happy daughter who was back home in Seattle where she belonged. She was getting her health back and her unborn daughter was growing and thriving inside her and her and Callie were finally comfortable in each other's company. They were moving forward into unchartered territory, consciously or not they were learning how to be friends, and despite her earlier protests she realized she was ok with that, in fact she was more than ok with it she liked how it felt. Being friends with Callie felt right.

GA

GA

GA

GA

So I realize I am bombarding you with updates but I am making the most of having internet as I am moving onto somewhere different soon and there will be no internet. Thank you for all of the reviews they mean so much and help me keep writing. There's kind of like 3 parts to this story, part 1 ends at chapter 10 and then it will take a some what different route.


	8. Chapter 8

8.

For a few seconds after waking up Callie forgot where she until she heard the gentle snores of her daughter. Opening her eyes fully she looked around the room, they were in the lounge at Alex's house, Arizona was asleep on the sofa with Sofia nestled into her front, she had one arm draped over the young girl's waist and her other one resting under her head. They had a soft comforter thrown over them and boxes full of half eaten pizzas littered the coffee table.

Sitting up she vaguely remembered covering the sleeping mother and daughter duo with the blanket, she had planned on waking them but she must have fallen asleep on the floor whilst watching the end of Moana.

She could tell by the fact it was still dark outside that it was early, glancing at her phone confirmed her suspicions as she realized it was only just 3am.

"Urgh" she moaned, not sure whether to leave them sleeping or wake them up.

Lying back down Callie decided to let them sleep, after all they looked so comfortable curled up together that she didn't have the heart to disturb them. Closing her eyes, she tried to sleep, instead she was distracted by a gentle banging from the kitchen. Pulling herself to stand she headed into the kitchen where she found Alex chucking old takeaways into the bin.

"I see you are just as good in the kitchen as Arizona," she observed, moving to sit on one of the stools.

Alex shrugged. "There's not been much time for cooking lately."

"Sorry I was just … trying to break the tension I guess," Callie admitted.

"What are you doing here?" Alex asked, turning to face her as he poured himself some orange juice.

Callie sighed. "Sofia is here."

"Robbins is perfectly capable of looking after her daughter," Alex argued.

"I know that," Callie assured him. "I didn't plan this. The plan was to drop Sofia off, go back to Meredith's place and cry myself to sleep. But then I got here and things were … right, she was laughing and they were having fun. Then Arizona asked me to stay and after she and Sofia fell asleep I couldn't bring myself to leave."

Alex sat down on one of the other empty bar stools. "If you hurt her-"

"I won't, I promise. I don't know what Arizona and I are to each other right now, I'm hoping we can be friends but I know that I will do whatever I can to stop her from hurting any more than she already is," Callie vowed.

"Good. Because … she's finding her way back and … she can't get lost again," Alex insisted.

Callie rested her head on her hand. "I know."

"You should get some sleep," Alex told her. "I'm sure you've only got 3 hours, maybe less, before Short Stuff in there wakes up demanding some elaborate breakfast. Sofia too."

Laughing to herself Callie nodded and headed back into the room, watching as Arizona's hand held onto Sofia's she found herself just sitting there, watching the most important people in her life as the sun started to rise on a new day.

"Mama," Sofia greeted, untangling herself from Arizona's arms as the blonde shifted slightly in her sleep, moving her hand from her daughter to her unborn daughter.

"Sh," Callie promoted, not wanting to wake Arizona.

Sofia nodded, crawling into her lap. "Mommy's still sleeping."

"Mommy's still sleeping," Callie echoed.

"Is she still poorly?" Sofia worried.

Callie let out a long, loud breath. "A little, but she's getting better and better every day she just needs lots of rest."

"And super-magic hugs and kisses," Sofia added,

"Always, even when she's totally better she needs super-magic hugs and kisses," Callie told her daughter.

Sofia's eyebrows furrowed for a minute as she tilted her head to look up at her mother. "Who was giving her super-magic hugs when we were in New York?"

"She had people," Callie tried to reassure her daughter. "But nothing beats super-magic Sofia hugs."

"Can we go for breakfast?" Sofia asked, the conversation changing pace rapidly.

Callie wrapped her arms around her daughter. "Sure."

"To the pancake place? I've missed the purple pancake place, they do the best pancakes," Sofia said, her words coming faster than was almost humanely possible, unless of course you were 6-years-old or a pediatric surgeon.

"Pancakes sounds perfect," Callie agreed.

Sofia looked over at where her other mother slept. "Can mommy come? Or is she too poorly tired, she was having a bad leg day yesterday because she wasn't wearing it, will she be having a bad leg day today too?"

Biting her bottom lip Callie couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride as she listened to Sofia speak. Her 6-year-old was wise beyond her years, she was able to pick up on cues that most adults missed. She knew that when Callie played with the ends of her hair it meant she was nervous. That when Arizona bounced in her seat it meant she wanted to say something but was not sure she should, and she also knew from a young age that when Arizona wasn't wearing her prosthetic leg it meant she was hurting.

"I'm not sure Baby Girl," Callie sighed. "We'll have to wait till she wakes up and ask her," she concluded, although with the way Arizona was limping yesterday she was pretty sure the other woman wouldn't be up to taking any day trips today.

Picking up the prosthetic leg she gently adjusted the socket a little, moving the padding around it so that it was thicker in the areas that she had noticed were getting sore yesterday.

Trying to be as silent as possible mother and daughter moved to the floor, lying down on their stomach with a selection of coloring books spread out in front of them as they silently set about creating a masterpiece.

It was the exact same position that Arizona found them in when she woke almost 2 hours later. "Hey," she greeted, surprised to find them still here, she had expected Callie to take Sofia home.

"Mommy," Sofia squealed, pushing herself to her feet and sitting next to her mom. "Look what I made you," she said handing her a picture with 4 round figures and a fluffy ball or purple and yellow. "This is me," she started, pointing to the smallest figure. "This is you, look I even gave you a special leg, one that doesn't feel ouch. And then this is mama," she continued pointing to the dark-haired figure. "And this is Jo, I like Jo, she's my pretend big sister and then this is our dog Moma. He's a good dog, he doesn't pee or poop or make loud barks and he brings me stuff when I ask him too."

"That's amazing Goose," Arizona told the youngster as she took the brightly colored drawing from her.

Moving over to look Callie nodded. "Not sure where we can find a dog that color though."

"I was more worried about the fact she seems to think we are old enough to be Jo's parents," Arizona chuckled as she reached for her prosthetic, pulling it on and making her way to the bathroom.

Callie watched carefully as Arizona headed back into the room, she knew it had only been a few small steps but she was relieved to see that her movements appeared much easier than yesterday, her limp virtually non-existent.

"What did you do?" Arizona asked, a grateful smile spreading across her lips.

"Nothing," Callie shrugged.

Arizona's eyes widened. "Yes, you did. It feels different, it feels normal, well as normal as a prosthetic leg can feel."

"I just adjusted the socket and padding a little so that it was distributed more to the areas that were hurting," Callie explained. "Sorry if I overstepped it's just I was awake early and it was there and … you should be able to move around without being in pain."

"Thank-you," Arizona smiled softly.

Sofia rested her hand on her mother's prosthetic. "Is it a good leg day or a bad leg day?"

"It's a good leg day," Arizona assured her daughter.

"Does that mean you can come for breakfast with us to the purple pancake place, because mama said that you might if it was a good leg day and you were feeling ok," Sofia explained as she lent forward, kissing her on each cheek, her forehead and her lips. "And now you've had some super-magic kisses you're feeling better right?"

Arizona nodded. "That sounds like a great idea."

"Awesome," Sofia sung as she practically skipped across the room and started putting her things away.

"We don't have any clothes here," Callie pointed out. "How about I take Sofia back to Meredith's place, we can get dressed and then swing by and pick you up, that way you have time to get ready and we'll miss the breakfast rush," she suggested.

Arizona smiled. "Sounds like a plan."

"A good plan." Sofia added, not wanting to feel left out.

"Come on Little Miss, the sooner we go the sooner we can be back," Callie informed her daughter.

Running over to her mommy Sofia wrapped her arms around her. "We'll be back soon, love you mommy and I'm really, really pleased you are having a good leg day."

"Me too Goose, me too," Arizona agreed.

GA – GA – GA

"Mommy," Sofia shouted, running across the outside seating area towards her parents. "Mama, mommy, did you see? The people on the ferryboat were waving at me."

"We saw," Callie assured her daughter.

Doing a little twirl Sofia headed back to the look-out point under the watchful eye of her mom's. "I'm going to go and wait for the next boat, see if that one waves too."

"You ok?" Callie asked, turning her gaze towards the other woman, they had been out for almost 4 hours now and she was concerned that the activity might be a bit too much for her, after all she was only released yesterday.

Arizona nodded, reaching into her bag and taking out the inhaler she had been prescribed she took 2 puffs before replacing it. "I'm good, just a little wheezy," she admitted.

"We should head back," Callie worried.

"No," Arizona insisted. "Honestly, I'm fine, I promise to tell you the minute that changes because believe me when I say I will not do anything that puts my health at risk. Michelle said this could happen, that I might need to use the rescue inhaler from time to time, but as long as it's not more than once in a 4-hour period I'm good," she explained.

"Ok," Callie relented.

Arizona watched as Sofia waved to the ferryboat. "I need to tell her."

"I know," Callie agreed.

"I'm getting bigger and she's a smart kid, I just … I don't want her to hate me," Arizona admitted.

Callie narrowed her eyes. "She could never hate you Arizona. In fact I think she'll be happy, she's always wanted a brother or sister ever since Bailey came along."

"I know, but this is an extreme situation," Arizona reminded her.

"I don't think she'll ask Arizona, in her head everything is simple and black and white and I don't think this will be any different, I mean I could be wrong but there's only one way to find out," Callie shrugged.

Arizona licked her lips, suddenly feeling very nervous. "You think we should do it today?"

"Yeah. I mean if you're ready that is," Callie suggested.

"I think I am," Arizona replied.

Callie watched as Sofia continued to wave happily. "We should take her to the park, maybe grab some food and go from there. That's if you're feeling ok? With your breathing I mean."

"It's good, the tightness and wheezing has gone," Arizona reassured her.

"I didn't realize you still suffered with respiratory problems, I mean I remember you mentioning that you had some issues when you were a kid but … I didn't realize," Callie whispered.

Arizona shook her head. "I don't, at least I hope I don't. Like you said I had some problems when I was a kid and living in the Middle East. There was once during residency during a dust storm that I ended up in the ER on nebulizers but since then, nothing. Hopefully it was triggered by the bronchitis and once I am fully over that then it will be gone too."

"I hope so," Callie agreed.

"We should head off," Arizona suggested. "Because she will stay here all day if we let her."

GA – GA – GA

"Pancakes and ice-cream in the same day and it's not even my birthday," Arizona joked.

"It's because it's a good leg day and we are all together, here in Seattle and you aren't in the hospital," Sofia shrugged, her mouth covered in ice cream as she licked the sprinkles off.

Pulling the little-girl into her lap Arizona took a deep breath before speaking. "Sofia. Mommy has something she needs to talk to you about."

"Are we moving again?" Sofia panicked.

"No," Arizona reassured her. "Like we said the other day Seattle is forever now. This is something good something exciting."

Sofia's eyes lit up. "Are we getting a dog? A Moma?"

"Better than that, at least I think it is," Arizona began. "You see…"

As Arizona hesitated Callie remained silent, taking hold of her hand to let her know that she was there but also that she could do this.

Taking hold of the little-girls hand she rested it on her stomach. "You see the thing is Goose. Mommy's having a baby … you're going to have a little-sister."

"I am?" Sofia asked, not ready to truly get excited yet as she had hoped before but then everything had changed.

"You are. In about 4 months you are going to get a little baby sister," Arizona reassured her.

Sofia stood up and wrapped her arms around her mom, totally forgetting about the ice-cream in her hand as it collided with her mother's hair. "That is so awesome. Is it growing in your belly like I growed in mama's belly?"

"It is," Arizona nodded, as she locked eyes with Callie, the relief obvious on both their faces as the young girl accepted the new change so easily. "Can I feel?"

"She's still pretty tiny right now so I can only feel her from inside but in a few weeks, you might be able to," Arizona explained.

Sofia pouted. "You promise I will be the first person that gets to feel her?"

"I promise," Arizona reassured her.

"And it's definitely going to be a girl because boys are yuck," Sofia exclaimed.

"Definitely a girl," Arizona replied.

Leaning down Sofia rested her head on her mom's slightly swollen stomach. "Hey little-sister. My name is Sofia Robbin Sloan-Torres and I am going to the best big-sister ever, we have the best mommies in the world. Mommy is called Arizona and she fixes babies, sometimes before they are even born, and she likes fun things, songs, games, tickle time and playing in the park, she also has a super cool robot leg. Mama is called Callie well her real, full, whole name is Calliope but only mommy can call her that, she fixes bones, and makes bones and builds super cool robot legs, she lets us stay up later the mommy, makes the best pancakes and has the best singing voice."

Arizona looked at Callie, her eyes wide with panic as she listened to Sofia telling her unborn sister all about her family. The youngster too young to realize that now her parents were no longer married this baby would not have the same family as her.

"Sof-" Callie began before she was cut off by Arizona.

"Your family sounds like the best Goose," Arizona smiled, ruffling the young girls hair before she ran off towards the sand pit.

Once they were alone Callie sighed. "Arizona. I'm not sure …"

"I'm not saying we will ever be a … us again Callie, I'm not … I just …. Sofia's right, she has 2 really great mommies and I know this baby isn't yours, that … she's my baby … but she doesn't have 2 parents and … you are a great mom so maybe … when Sofia comes to yours at the weekend then … her sister could come too. I'm not asking you to be her mother Callie. I'm just asking you to think about the possibility that families come in all shapes and sizes and ours may be a little different, a little unconventional but … different is good right and Sofia is right … we're a great parenting team," Arizona explained, not sure she was making any sense but knowing even if she wasn't ready to be anything with Callie she wanted her daughter to have a family.

She knew she was asking a lot, that asking Callie to welcome a child into her heart when she had no obligation too was wrong on so many levels, but it also made so much sense. Sofia was a great child and that was down to them; to her and Callie and she wanted her daughter to have that, she wanted her to have the family that Sofia loved so much.

"I want that too," Callie whispered. "I want to be her family."

GA – GA – GA

"She asked me to be her daughter's family," Callie sighed, leaning back against the chair.

"Huh?" Meredith frowned.

Callie blew out a breath. "Arizona. We were at the park and we told Sofia about the baby, about her baby and then Sofia started talking to the baby … it was incredible. She was saying all this awesome stuff about how she had the best moms in the world and how the baby was going to have the best moms too. At first it was awkward but then Arizona she said she wanted that, she said she wanted me to be a part of her daughter's family, for this little girl to have what Sofia has. And I found myself saying yes. I mean Arizona doesn't want me to be anything to her, she doesn't even want to be friends but it feels like we're friends, it feels like we are … something."

"Maybe this is her way of saying she wants you to be her family too Callie," Meredith suggested.

"It's such a mess, but when I'm with her, even for the few short moments we've been together it feels like … we are building something, she's relaxed around me, I think she even trusts me but, she doesn't want me, she doesn't want to be my friend," Callie worried.

Meredith was just as confused as Callie was about the situation but she needed her friend to remain hopeful. "Arizona is drowning. She's lost so much, had so much taken from her and … she's drowning, she's scared to make you her anchor because you walked away but that's what you are Callie, you're her anchor, whether she says it or not she wants you in her life."

"So I just need to stay patient," Callie remembered. "And let her know she can trust me."

"She already trusts you Callie, she asked you to help raise her daughter, one of the most important people in her life. She trusts you, she just needs to trust in that trust," Meredith tried to reassure her.

Callie banged her head against the soft cushion. "You realize how crazy that sounds right?"

GA – GA – GA

"I thought I knew what I wanted Jo, but then she kept doing all of these cute little things, she kept her distance like I asked but; she was still there," Arizona breathed, swallowing her antibiotics with a glass of juice.

"She cares," Jo shrugged.

Arizona nodded. "I know. It's just for so long she didn't, or at least she acted like she didn't but then I got sick and she was here. I told her I didn't want to be her friend but she was there, she kept leaving little packages of my favorite things and she gave me space but every time someone would knock on my door … I wanted it to be her."

"You need to tell her this, not me," Jo pointed out.

"I did. Or at least I think I did, in a kind of sort of roundabout way," Arizona sighed.

Jo smiled lightly at her friend. "A kind of sort of roundabout way might be confusing to some, what exactly did you tell her you wanted?"

"I told her I wanted her to be part of my baby's family, that I wanted this little-girl to have what Sofia has," Arizona explained.

"But not part of your family?" Jo prompted, trying to picture how the conversation went.

Arizona shook her head. "No. I told her that I didn't think we could even be friends," she whispered.

"So, no judging here, I promise, but I just need to get this straight in my head. You told Callie you wanted her to be your daughter's mother, a part of her family, a very important part but not a part of your life, or to even be your friend," Jo summarized, trying to get a handle on the situation.

"Well when you say it like that I sound like a total bitch," Arizona huffed.

Jo laughed, helping herself to a piece of day-old pizza. "Not a total bitch, just a very confused person. Look …"

Jo trailed off, not knowing exactly what to say, her and Arizona had never addressed the reason she was living with them, they had never spoken about the night Alex had turned up with his bruised, broken and traumatized mentor. She had just let her in, become her friend and allowed her to heal and to grieve without asking anything of her. But she knew, the walls were thin and Arizona's nightmares were heartbreakingly loud and all it took was one look into the other woman's eyes and there was no mistaking what had happened to her.

"You can say it," Arizona whispered, as if she was reading the younger surgeon's thoughts.

Jo was hesitant, even with Arizona's permission it was like she was breaking some unspoken rule. "We never spoke about it, it was never my place and I kind of felt like you needed me to be the person that didn't ask, or mention anything so … we didn't talk about it."

"And I'm grateful for that," Arizona smiled. "Because it was what I needed. But now … you can talk Jo … I'm not going to break, I promise."

"Ok so here it goes; you were raped Arizona and I know hearing that word being said out loud is horrible and painful and all kinds of … horrible, but it's the truth, it's the truth that you're living with right now and the baby is a living reminder of that and however ok you may want to be with that it's still another truth that you are living with and Callie, she doesn't know-"

Arizona bit her bottom lip, the only other time she had heard the word rape said out loud was when Alex had taken her Seattle Press. But Jo was right, it was her truth and she needed to learn how to find her peace with it. "I was raped," she sobbed, the word causing her physical pain. "And Callie knows."

"Arizona-"

"I'm broken Jo and Callie has had to put me back together too many times before, I can't make her go through that again and I don't think I want to. I need to know that I can put me back together again, that I can be my own good man in a storm because I have a daughter, 2 daughters that need me and I need me to be me … a good man in a story, maybe then, maybe when I'm … me I can let her in," Arizona admitted.

Jo moved her stool closer to the other woman. "You know you're the most kick-ass person I've ever met right? If anyone's got this, you've got this."

"I-"

"No," Jo insisted before Arizona even had a chance to speak. "Don't say or even think that you are not strong enough to get through this because I've watched you. Before all of this happened I've … watched you and I realize how creepy that might sound but the way Alex talks about you, I wanted to know you, and the few times I got put on your service it was awesome and you are incredible. You give everything you've got to all of your patients, and not just your patients but their families too. You teach everyone like they are the greatest student you have ever encountered and your colleagues, the people at the hospital they … you get offers from the top hospitals in the country every week Arizona because you are the only person that can do what you do, literally like the only person in the world. Yet you stay here in Seattle, even after it has taken so much from you, you still remain loyal … you are a superhero, a real-life superhero."

Arizona wiped at her eyes, unable to stop the tears from falling. "Even superhero's fall sometimes."

"Yeah but they get back up, and you're getting back up, you're fixing you, you are being your … good man in a storm," Jo pointed out. "And not just for you but for your daughters too."

"I'm all she has," Arizona whispered, resting her hand on her stomach.

Jo rested her hand on top of the older surgeons. "You're all she needs."

"She-"

"Is incredibly lucky. Do you remember the other day when I told you that my parents didn't care? Biggest understatement of the year, they … he … she … didn't want me, they left me at a fire station when I was about 2 weeks old. I don't even know when my real birthday is. I know nothing about where I came from or who I am so trust me when I say that; having one mom who care as much as you do already makes this kid already one of the luckiest babies in the world," Jo tried to reassure her.

Arizona tightened her grip on her friends' hand. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not. Not anymore because everything that happened to me, all of the crap in my life led me to this moment to where I am and I really, really like where I am," Jo explained. "And I know it may not seem like it now, but there will come a time when you reach that moment, when you realize that as horrible and painful everything you have been through is it led you to where you are and you will be ok with that, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next week but … you'll find your moment."

"I'm glad you're here," Arizona smiled through her tears.

Jo leaned her head on Arizona's shoulder. "Me too."

"I want my moment too," Arizona whispered.

Jo closed her eyes, feeling like for the first time in her life she really had a family, a somewhat unconventional, messed up, complicated family but it was still her family. "I guess the question you need to ask yourself is who do you want with you when that moment comes?"

"Callie," Arizona stammered through her tears. "I want Callie with me."


	9. Chapter 9

9.

Helping herself to a forkful of pancakes Arizona moaned happily, over the last week her appetite had returned with a vengeance. So much so that none of her clothes, except the elasticated ones seemed to fit anymore.

"JoJo?" Sofia said, looking up from her breakfast plate.

Jo paused halfway through cleaning the dishes. "Short Stuff."

"I'm not short," Sofia frowned, sitting up taller on the stool as if trying to prove her point.

Standing next to her Jo kissed her on top of the head. "You're shorter than me."

"I was going to ask you a very important question but I'm not now," Sofia huffed, stabbing at her breakfast.

Jo couldn't help but laugh at the pout that filled the young girl's whole face. "Sorry Sof. You know I love you really."

"I love you too," Sofia sighed. "Which is why I wanted to ask you something super-secret and super important," she looked over to where her mommy sat, climbing down off the stool she motioned for Jo to follow her as Arizona watched on with amusement.

Jo called over her shoulder. "We'll be back in a minute."

Entering the office, which was now pretty much Sofia's playroom they flopped down onto the oversized beanbag chairs. "So … as my mommy is living with you now, and I live with her most of the time does that mean we are family? Because Zola said that the people you live with are your family."

"I guess so," Jo agreed. "If that's what you want."

"Awesome," Sofia smiled. "Because I was thinking we should ask my mommies to adapt you?"

Jo frowned. "Adapt me?"

Sofia nodded. "Yeah like Auntie Mer and Uncle Der adapted Zola and became her mommy and daddy. My mommy and mama could adapt you and become your mommy and mama, that way I have 2 sisters just like Zola has a brother and sister. She always has more than me, I want 2 sisters."

"That's very sweet Sof," Jo began. "But I think I am a little bit too old to be adopted, you see I'm a grown-up."

"So you don't need mommies?" Sofia wondered.

Jo bit her bottom lip to try and keep herself from crying. "Everyone needs mommies Sof, but sometimes, just sometimes it's a little too late for some people."

"Oh," Sofia whispered. "And would your mommy and daddy be upset if you had a different mommy and mama?"

"I don't have a mommy and daddy," Jo replied, wondering how she would explain her complicated childhood to a 6-year-old, even one as smart as Sofia.

Sofia's eyes lit up. "Do you have 2 mommies too? Or do you have 2 daddies? Leo at school has 2 daddies and no mommy."

"I … er … something like that. You see when I was little I was what is called a foster-child, which means that I didn't have a mommy and daddy, or mommies, or daddies that were just mine instead I lived in big houses with lots of children where different people looked after me," Jo tried to explain.

"Like daycare?" Sofia wondered.

Jo smiled at the comparison. "Yes. A bit like a daycare, only I lived there."

"I like daycare," Sofia said. "But I wouldn't want to live there, it's too noisy and you have to share everything. I like being at home with mommy and mama."

"That's because you have 2 amazing moms. And I am really, really happy that you would like me to be you sister Sof but … you know what? I think it's ok that there is only you and your baby-sister because you will be the best big sister in the world," Jo tried to reassure her.

Standing up Sofia motioned for Jo to follow. "I know that. Because I'm the best."

"You sure are," Jo chuckled, taking her hand and heading out of the playroom.

"And Jo, even though you are too old to be adapted you can still be my family," Sofia vowed as they headed back into the kitchen.

As her friend and daughter re-entered the room Arizona immediately spotted the unshed tears in the other woman's eyes. "Everything ok?"

"Yeah," Jo nodded.

"You sure?" Arizona frowned.

Waiting until the little girl had finished her breakfast Arizona instructed her to go and get everything she needed for daycare as they were already running late. Once she was alone she turned to face her suddenly too quiet friend.

"Spill," she ordered.

"Sofia asked if you and Callie could adopt me, she wants to have 2 siblings just like Zola," Jo explained.

Arizona couldn't help but laugh. "Oh God … I'm sorry it's not funny … although it kind of is. What did you tell her?"

"I told her that I was really happy she wanted me to be a part of her family but that I was too old to be adopted," Jo explained. "You're right, it is funny … I mean the fact she thinks you guys are old enough to be my mommies is …"

"Oi," Arizona warned, throwing a slice of toast at her.

"It just … brought back memories of being the kid no one wanted is all," Jo whispered as she continued loading the dishwasher.

Sliding down off the stool Arizona made her way over to where her friend was knelt looking for the dishwasher tablets. "You know you haven't been that person in a long time right? People want you in their life Jo. So many people."

"I know," Jo agreed. "So, you ready for your first day back at work?"

Realizing that Jo needed to change the subject Arizona nodded. "It's a 6-hour shift, I think I can manage."

"I know … but if it gets too much," Jo started, not sure if she should continue.

"I know where to find you," Arizona reassured her. "It's not the work I'm worried about," Arizona admitted after a few minutes silence. "Pretty soon there's going to be no hiding the fact I'm pregnant. I have a meeting with Bailey today and I know she will understand but everyone else … you know how people talk," she sighed.

Jo turned the dishwasher on and leaned against the fridge. "You don't need to tell them anything Arizona. This is your life, your baby and … let them think what they want."

"They will anyway," Arizona breathed, calling up the stairs for Sofia as she lifted her bag over her shoulder.

"Then they will have me to deal with," Jo vowed as the trio headed out, the older pair for work and the youngest for a day in daycare.

GA – GA – GA

Taking a deep breath Arizona headed towards the NICU, it had been just over 4 weeks since she was here as a doctor and 2 weeks since she was discharged as a patient. Today she had 2 consults, one video assist and a surgery to remove amniotic bands from a 24-weeker, a baby that was almost exactly the same gestation as her own.

After that she had a growth scan with her OBGYN, initially she had been worried, maybe even freaking out a little bit. However, over the last week or so she had been gaining weight, her stomach had been growing and her daughter's movements becoming more and more of a regular pattern.

Gowning up she approached the far end crib where a tiny, scrap of a baby lay nestled within a spiderweb of wires and tubes.

"What's the story Karev?" Arizona asked as an intern handed her the chart.

"Joseph Henderson, 2-weeks-old, born at 23 plus 2 weeks, he has been doing well but last night his abdomen became distended and he started having desaturation," Alex explained.

Arizona looked at the chart. "His infection markers are within normal limits. Did the ultrasound show any signs of NEC?"

"Nope," Alex said, shaking his head as he handed her the tablet where he had already loaded the images. "Did you order a-"

"CT. Yep, next set of images," Alex pointed out.

Looking at the black and white images Arizona felt her hand instinctively move to her stomach. "What's your plan?"

"I don't know," Alex admitted. "I have never seen a tumor this … intricate … let alone in a baby this size, I was thinking transplant but there's no way UNOS would list him he's too high risk. Then I considered getting a scan with contrast but mom's allergic and there is no way I am risking anaphylaxis in a micro preemie," the pediatric surgeon sighed.

"I need to get a better look at the scans," Arizona said, biting nervously on her bottom lip.

Alex nodded. "Meet me in the viewing room in 10?"

"Make it 15 and you have a date," Arizona told him, knowing that if her and Alex were going to attempt to operate on the Henderson baby she would need to reschedule her consults and possibly her ultrasound.

Informing her secretary that she would need to reschedule the consults she pushed back the time of her planned surgery and e-mailed Emma to cancel her growth scan. Heading into the attending's lounge she opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water, smiling to herself as she saw the whole top shelf had been loaded with smoothies, snacks and doughnuts, a bright yellow post-it notes with her name stuck to the shelf.

Knowing this was all Callie she grabbed a bright purple smoothie and opened it before heading to meet Alex.

"What the hell are you drinking?" Alex exclaimed, spotting the bright drink in her hand.

"Super berry blast," Arizona shrugged.

Alex watched as she took a mouthful. "It looks foul."

"It tastes great, plus it's full of all sorts of goodness that pregnant women should be drinking," Arizona pointed out as Alex lit up the scan's behind them.

Leaning back against the wall Alex gave her time to study the scans before stepping back towards her. "What do you think."

"I think it's most likely a neuroblastoma that started growing in utero," Arizona said, lifting up her hand and pointing at a small section of the scan. "I think this will be the trickiest bit, it's invaded the renal arteries, I think the only way we can fully resect is if we remove the kidney. Normally living with one kidney would not be a problem but he's barely a pound heavy, maintaining hemostasis is already problematic … but if we don't remove it …"

"He dies anyone," Alex sadly agreed.

Arizona leaned against. "You think we can do this?"

"I think we're his best shot. I think we are his only shot," Alex replied. "I'll go and get consent from the parents."

"And I'll book an OR," Arizona offered.

Heading towards the exit Alex turned as he was about to leave, stopping halfway out the door he turned to face her. "Hey Robbins, it's good to have you back."

"It's great to be back," Arizona agreed.

GA – GA – GA

Walking out of the operating theatre Arizona stretched her aching muscles. Callie and David had fixed her up with a new socket a week ago and her leg had adjusted well, but this was the longest she had been on her feet in nearly a month and her muscles were protesting.

"You ok?" Alex asked.

Nodding Arizona smiled, a real, super-smile with dimples and all. "I'm better than ok," she replied. "You do realize we just did the impossible right? We removed an aggressive neuroblastoma on a baby that shouldn't even be here for months yet and he's stable, he has a chance at life. We did that Alex, we gave that family hope."

"Nah, you did that, I was just a spectator," Alex reminded her.

"No. I couldn't have done it without you," Arizona argued.

Alex watched as she finished washing her hands. "You have no idea how good you are, do you? Which kind of makes you even more incredible."

"Stop," Arizona laughed nervously, taking compliments had never been her strong point.

"Look I know you're trying to be all modest and stuff but there is no other surgeon in the country that would have touched that tumor. They would have written that baby off but you didn't, hell it's your first day back after a month off sick and you just achieved the impossible," Alex pointed out.

Arizona leaned against the sink. "Look, you're right, I did that … but so did you Alex, you brought the case to me, because you see each tiny, tiny little-human as a person and not just numbers, weights and scans, which is exactly why you are my person and one day you will be just the one that does all of that, maybe even more."

"Quite the team huh?" Alex grinned, leaning next to her.

"Yep," Arizona agreed. "Hey did you know that Sofia wants me to adopt Jo, apparently she thinks your girlfriend will make an excellent big sister."

Alex frowned. "Would that make you my stepmother? Weird."

"Only if you put a ring on it," Arizona said as her pager started to vibrate.

"Ok Beyoncé, now go and save a life," Alex chuckled, gently nudging her as she pushed herself away from the sink.

Looking at the screen Arizona sighed. "It's Owen, he has a consult in the pit he needs me on."

"Why do you look like you are about to face the firing squad?" Alex observed, seeing the suddenly solemn look on his mentor's face.

"It's nothing," Arizona hedged.

Alex watched her hesitation to answer the page. "It's obviously something."

"It's stupid, I mean in the grand scheme of issues I have going on now it's … stupid …"

"But it's still something," Alex finished for her.

Arizona turned to face her friend. "When Callie and I were going to court over Sofia I knew it would be hard, I knew people would be divided and … sides would be chosen. Meredith was a given, her and Callie are friends where as her and I … well let's just say surviving a plane crash together doesn't guarantee friendship. Bailey testified but for both sides. You, April, and Jackson; well you didn't pick a side and I respect that. But Owen … he stood up there and gushed about what an amazing person Callie was, what an amazing mother she is and how she was doing the right thing by taking my daughter away from me, maybe not in those exact words but that's what he did, just like I was a nobody, somebody he had never met. It just … did he even consider my position in all of this?"

"I didn't realize," Alex sighed sadly.

Arizona shrugged. "It's no big deal, right? I mean what's done is done and … it just hurts and whenever I see his name, I'm back in that court room being made to feel like nothing."

"You will never be nothing," Alex said, pulling her in for a hug.

Returning the hug Arizona thanked him before heading down to the ER, asking for Dr. Hunt she was pointed in the direction of trauma 2.

"You paged," Arizona said, walking into the room.

"Catherine King, 34-years-old and 30-weeks pregnant with twins, she was admitted this morning with what appeared to be a simple UTI, however a CT scan showed that she is leaking amniotic fluid," Owen explained as he handed Arizona the chart.

Approaching the bed Arizona nodded her thanks in the direction of the other attending. "Catherine. Hello I'm Dr. Robbins the neonatal surgeon on call, do you mind if I take a look?"

As Catherine nodded her consent Arizona began to examine the pregnant lady, her hands moving swiftly as she switched between the physical examination and studying her scan and blood results.

"Has Dr. Hunt explained what the concern is?" Arizona asked as she finally had all of the information she needed.

"Sort of," Catherine nodded. "The fluid protecting my baby is leaking and if it continues you will have no choice but to deliver."

Arizona nodded. "Yeah. That's the bullet points version. Now we have 2 options here; we can either watch and wait, see if the leaking resolves on its own and put you on antibiotics to prevent infection or, we can operate and patch the area of uterus that is leaking."

"What are the chances of it resolving by itself?" Catherine wanted to know.

"About 10% of cases resolve spontaneously," Arizona answered.

Catherine nodded. "And the risks of the operation?"

"It could hasten the labor and we may have to deliver the babies," Arizona explained.

"How long do I have to decide?" Catherine wondered.

Arizona nodded towards one of the nurses. "We could start antibiotics, wait 24 hours and then do a scan to check the level of the fluid," she suggested.

"Ok, let's do that," Catherine agreed.

Standing up Arizona reflexively rubbed at the muscles in her back, her body arching forward before she straightened out and turned towards the computer. Adding some notes and a prescription for antibiotics to her chart she pulled off her gloves. "I'll come and check on you later," she smiled.

"How many weeks are you?" Catherine asked, motioning to the barely there baby-bump beneath her scrubs.

Arizona's eyes widened in alarm. "I … er … that's …"

"Oh God I am so, so sorry," Catherine apologized. "I don't think before I speak, it's a flaw, I'm working on it …"

Holding up her hand Arizona smiled trying to reassure her patient that it was ok. As she felt all eyes in the room looking at her she concentrated only on her patient, the truth was bound to come out soon anyway, why not now. "It's ok … I'm just over 24 weeks."

"Congratulations," Catherine grinned as Arizona nodded her thanks, suddenly realizing that she needed to tell Chief Bailey before the gossip mill got to her first.

Exiting the room Arizona ignored the looks as everyone began to absorb the new piece of information, washing her hands she headed towards the elevator, grateful to find it empty as she headed towards the administrative floor.

Looking through the window she was relieved to see Bailey in her office, tentatively she knocked on the door, shifting her weight nervously as The Chief gave her permission to enter.

"Bailey. Er, do you have a minute?" Arizona stammered.

Motioning to the seat opposite her Bailey looked up as she leaned back in her chair. "I have 11 minutes."

"Right, yes," Arizona sighed, suddenly feeling like she had been called into the headmistress's office for something that wasn't her fault.

Bailey immediately sensed her hesitation. "Is everything ok?"

"I was going to tell you, I promise, but now the timeline has been moved up a little and I wanted you to hear it from me first, before the gossip reached you," Arizona babbled, as she realized that no matter how accomplished she was a small part of her would always be the girl that cried in front of authority figures.

"No, no, no, no," Bailey muttered, sitting forward in her chair and leaning her hands on her desk. "I am Miranda Bailey. I see everything. I know everything. But you didn't say anything and when you didn't say anything I thought maybe I was lucky, maybe the rumors weren't true and … which one did you decide to take?"

Arizona frowned, genuinely confused. "Huh?"

"Was it Boston? Because that was a pretty impressive hamper they sent. No, it was CHOP wasn't it because they actually sent someone here in person, I mean it could be Hopkins after all that's where you started you career it makes sense…"

Suddenly realizing what Bailey was talking about Arizona couldn't help but laugh. "I'm not leaving."

"Oh thank the stars," Bailey exclaimed.

"At least not for good," Arizona added.

Bailey glared at her. "Meaning?"

"I'm pregnant," Arizona said, her voice one breath as she realized she needed to get straight to the point. "Pretty pregnant actually, 24 weeks and I know I should have told you sooner but the situation is complicated and I wasn't sure what my plan was but … I'm having a baby and I'm going to need maternity leave so I'll need time off, but I'll come back because this is my home Chief."

"We'll make it happen," Bailey assured her, knowing better than to ask for more information than she was being given. Besides, she respected the other surgeon far too much to pry, she knew that Arizona would tell her when she was ready. "Whatever you need we will make it happen," she reiterated.

Arizona stood up, wincing a little as her back spasmed. "Thank-you."

"You alright?" Bailey asked as she watched the other woman rub at her back.

"Yep," Arizona laughed. "Just being a one-legged pregnant lady comes with certain downsides, everything is moving and shifting and I'm using muscles I didn't even realized I had."

Bailey nodded. "Have you tried yoga?"

Of all the responses Arizona had been expecting that was not one of them. "Yoga?"

"Yeah." Bailey shrugged. "I had this stage 3 hepatoblastoma patient and she was pregnant, I mean I know it's not exactly the same thing but she went from barely being able to get out of bed to baking and stuff. She swears it was all down to the power of pre-natal yoga."

"I'll keep that in mind," Arizona agreed as she turned and left, heading downstairs to check that all of the pre-ops on her patient were done and then she wanted to head into the NICU to see how the baby she and Karev operated on was doing.

Hearing someone called her name she stopped and turned around. "Jo. Hey."

"So," Jo began. "I heard a rumor."

"Yep, secrets out," Arizona sighed.

Jo followed her into an empty patient room. "And are you ok with that?"

"I actually am," Arizona reassured her. "I mean one minute my patient is asking me how far along I am and then in the next breath … I answer her, I knew what it meant, I knew that once the truth was out there it was out there. But, I'm ok with that, I shouldn't have to hide it, this is a good thing, a new baby is a good thing."

"It's a really good thing," Jo agreed. "Hey don't you have your scan today?"

Arizona shook her head. "I did but then Alex and I had a 4-hour surgery and I got called to a consult in the ER so … I had to reschedule, it's ok it was just a routine growth scan, 24 hours won't make a difference."

"You want company?" Jo offered.

"I don't have a new time yet but when I do, yeah, that'll be great, thanks," Arizona replied.

Jo sighed as her pager bleeped. "I should go, I'm on Meredith's service and she pretty much hates me already so I don't want to go giving her extra cause to really hate me."

"You know if Meredith is pushing you it's not because she hates you but because she sees potential in you, that's just how she is, so go … prove to her she's right," Arizona chuckled as she followed the resident out of the room.

GA – GA – GA

Walking out of the scrub room Arizona was mentally and physically exhausted, her easy first day back had turned into a once-in-a-lifetime surgery, a consult in the ER which resulted in her pregnancy being revealed, a conversation with Bailey, her amniotic band surgery and she still had to check on the mom with amniotic fluid leak from earlier.

"Urgh," she moaned to herself.

"Dr. Robbins, hey," Emma greeted, approaching her fellow surgeon.

Arizona smiled tiredly. "Emma. Hi, listen sorry about today but-"

"I understand," Emma reassured her. "I was looking for you actually, I'm free now if you have a short while to spare" she offered.

Nodding Arizona followed her. "I'd like that."

Following Emma into the exam room Arizona lifted herself up onto the bed, lying back she lifted her top just enough to allow the OBGYN access to her stomach.

"So today you're what 24 weeks?" Emma remembered, quickly consulting her notes.

"24 weeks and 2 days, yeah," Arizona agreed.

Emma squirted the gel onto her stomach. "Big milestone."

"Yeah, although Sofia was smaller than this when she was born," Arizona remembered.

"Sofia is your daughter?" Emma asked.

Arizona slowly, nodded. "Yes. But I er … I didn't carry her, Callie, my wife … ex-wife she carried her."

"When we met before we didn't really have a chance to go through the prenatal checklist," Emma reminded her. "With you being in the ICU it just didn't see the right time, would it be ok if I went through a few questions now?" she asked.

"Sure," Arizona agreed, knowing that she would have to eventually.

"Seeing as we're all ready to go we'll do this a little back to front so, let's have a look at the little one and then we can go through the boring stuff," Emma suggested.

Watching the screen Arizona couldn't help the smile that spread across her face as the black and white image of her daughter filled the screen, accompanied by a strong, steady heartbeat.

"She looks bigger, is she bigger?" Arizona asked before laughing. "Gah. I'm a certified fetal surgeon and I sound like a … novice. It's just everything feels like's it's grown, I'm gaining weight, my stomach is growing and her movements are developing a pattern so …"

Pausing the screen Emma smiled reassuringly at her. "Little Miss is here is now right on track, her weight, the amniotic fluid, her length, everything is exactly as it should be."

"That's … the best news, thank-you," Arizona exclaimed, releasing a breath she hadn't even realized she was holding as she sat up and wiped her stomach.

"Now ready for the boring bit?" Emma asked, pulling up her patient's chart.

Arizona moved into a more comfortable position. "Yes."

"Any relevant past medical history?" Emma questioned.

"Let's see; I had an above knee amputation in 2012 following a plane crash, my femur was fractured, I was septic and it was my leg or my life so goodbye leg," Arizona shrugged. "I also had a PE at the same time but following that no issues until recently which as you know I had chest sepsis, an empyema and bronchitis," she finished.

Emma made a few notes in the chart. "Are you on any medication now?"

"I finished antibiotics a few days ago, sometimes I need to take albuterol but not every day. I'm not asthmatic the bronchitis has just left me dealing with a little inflammation but it's pretty much resolved, I'm on prenatal vitamins and sometimes my leg hurts so I take Tylenol," Arizona replied.

"Any morning sickness? Cramping? Unusual bleeding?" Emma worried.

Not really sure how to answer the question Arizona sighed, she had been a mess during the first few months of her pregnancy, her body going through a storm of symptoms, so much so that she had no idea if they were pregnancy related or not.

"Can we talk off the record?" Arizona asked, knowing that she needed to be honest with Emma for the sake of her baby.

Closing down the file Emma nodded and rolled her stool closer to the bed. "Of course."

"Right, here goes," Arizona started, taking a deep breath. "This is my second pregnancy. Callie and I decided to try again and after our first round of IVF I fell pregnant, everything seemed to be going ok but then at the scan there was no heartbeat so … I had a D&C and that was that."

Emma knew that what she needed to do right now was listen and not react. She respected Arizona Robbins both as a person and colleague and she could tell that right now she was struggling with what she was about to say, so she stayed quiet and listened.

"This baby, this pregnancy, it wasn't planned, at least not like last time anyway. Last time I was married to the love of my life, we both wanted it, we picked donors together, she held my hand as we became pregnant and when the pregnancy test turned positive we celebrated," Arizona remembered, her voice going soft at the memory.

"This time could not have been more different. I'm divorced, I lost custody of my daughter and one night … one horrible night … I was raped," Arizona sobbed. "That's the second time I have said that word out loud but like someone told me it's the truth, my truth."

Emma remained silent, instead reaching out her hand and placing it on top of hers, watching as Arizona used her other hand to wipe furiously at her eyes as she took a series of deep breaths in an attempt to calm herself.

"It was 48 hours later when I went to Seattle Press, I had all of the examinations and I took all of medication, including the morning after pill, and it was within the 5-day window, I did everything I should have. But, my body was a mess, it was going through so much; I had a fever, I wasn't keeping anything down and I was self-medicating with alcohol, smoking, not sleeping and then when I did sleep the nightmares were … debilitating," Arizona cried, her breath hitching in her throat.

"I didn't realize," she softly whispered. "I'm a good doctor, a good mother and I didn't realize what my body was trying to tell me. The signs were there but I wasn't listening, I was self-destructing. I don't drink, not normally, I mean a glass of wine here and there but … I'm not a drinker. I smoke maybe twice a year but … if I did something to hurt my baby I will never forgive myself," Arizona cried, finally looking up to face the other woman, relieved to find nothing but understanding in her eyes.

Slowly, Emma considered her words carefully. "Arizona from everything I can see you have one healthy, strong baby-girl in there. A resilient little one, just like her mother. Now I know nothing I can say or do can completely ease your fears but if you need me to run more tests, do weekly scans then that's what we will do, we will do whatever you need."

"She's really ok?" Arizona whispered as her eyes flickered back to the screen as a small ghost of a smile appeared.

"She's perfect," Emma nodded. "Are you ok?"

Arizona took a long, slow breath. "Getting there."

"Thank-you," Emma whispered.

"For what?" Arizona wondered.

Emma tightened her grip on the other surgeon's hand. "For not only trusting me to be your doctor but for trusting me with your truth."

"I'm not exactly shouting it from the rooftops, what happened, but I shouldn't be ashamed, what happened … I shouldn't be ashamed," Arizona vowed realizing that like most things in life; it was easier said than done.


	10. Chapter 10

10.

Ever since Arizona had confirmed her pregnancy to the trauma room people reacted in one of two ways; they either smiled tightly, nodded their heads and then proceeded to make up false allegations about torrid affairs, ticking biological clocks and cancer battles or they congratulated her and then never mentioned it again.

She knew people were talking, she wasn't stupid, she knew that her pregnancy was one of the hottest pieces of news to hit GSMH in a long time. She had heard the stories, she had ignored the stories because she knew the truth, the people that mattered knew the truth and all the rest of it, well she didn't care, not anymore.

Jo on the other hand was finding it a lot harder to walk away from the gossip, she had become fiercely protective of her friend and housemate to the point that her fellow residents knew better than to talk about the fetal surgeon when she was around.

"You're going to get yourself in trouble," Arizona said, sitting down opposite the younger woman.

Jo shrugged her shoulders and continued sipping on her straw. "No, I'm not."

"I heard what happened between you and Edwards," Arizona sighed.

"She deserved it, she should know better than anyone not to believe everything she hears," Jo reasoned, leaning back in her chair.

Arizona watched her friend carefully. "People are going to talk Jo. That's what they do, especially in this place."

"Well they shouldn't talk, it's not their business," Jo raged.

Arizona couldn't help but smile, her friendship with Jo was one of the only good things to come out of her current situation. "They'll move on to someone else soon."

"Doesn't make it right," Jo said, shaking her head angrily.

"Want to hear my list of potential baby names?" Arizona asked, deciding that a change of mood was what they both needed right now.

Sitting forward in her chair Jo smiled widely. "Yes, yes and a million times yes."

Pulling out her phone Arizona opened up the notes section where she had been writing down names when they came to her. "Ok so we have … Polly."

"Gah no, imagine the name-calling potential; whose a pretty Polly, all the parrot names, just no," Jo laughed.

"No to Polly," Arizona agreed, crossing it off of her list. "Esme?"

Jo shook her head. "No. Way too popular after the Twilight movies."

"Savannah?" Arizona suggested.

"Nope, not bad-ass enough for any kid of yours," Jo said.

Laughing Arizona crossed the first 3 names off of her list. "Sienna?"

"Too cute," Jo said with a shake of the head.

"Zoe?" Arizona tried.

"No 3 letter names," Jo insisted.

Crossing even more names off of her list Arizona smiled at the other woman. "Eleanor."

"Are you giving birth to a 90-year-old?" Jo laughed.

"Alright then, if you're so good at this you suggest some names because I'm nearly out of idea," Arizona sighed.

Jo leaned forwards, leaning her elbows on the table and resting her head in her hands. "Good job you have like 15 weeks to go then."

"That's a weird name," Arizona joked.

"Funny," Jo pouted. "Ok, how about … Harper?"

Now it was Arizona's turn to shake her head. "Isn't that on the top 10 list like every year? I don't want me daughter to have to be known by her name and initial because there are so many others that share her name. She'd always be Harper R."

"No popular names, check," Jo agreed. "Nova?"

"Nova," Arizona said, trying the name out to see how it sounded out loud. "Nova, like the star right? Don't you think we've gone from one extreme to the other now, I mean Nova is a little out there."

Jo couldn't help but laugh. "Yes. Arizona."

"Exactly, I know what it's like to grow up with an out their name, I mean I like it but it doesn't ping," Arizona explained.

"Ping?" Jo wondered.

Putting her phone down Arizona nodded. "Yeah you know like that moment when something just fits, when you hear something and you know it's right?"

"The ping moment, gotcha," Jo agreed. "What about Aubrey?"

"Nope, no ping," Arizona sung.

Jo was silent for a few minutes as she ran through names in her head. "Summer?"

"Summer Robbins, I mean it could work but then don't you think it sounds a bit like a species of bird?" Arizona wondered.

"Yeah, maybe … ok … what about Matilda?" Jo suggested. "It was my favorite book as a kid, it was literally one of the only things that followed me around my foster homes, that and a well-loved zebra toy."

Biting her bottom lip Arizona smiled. "Mine too, although not foster homes, just homes. My dad was in the military and we moved pretty much 3 times a year until I was a teenager and the few things I always packed were; my blanket … till I was like 14, my hammock and my copy of Matilda."

"It's a nice name,, cute but bad-ass at that same time because if she's a girly, girl you can shorten it to Tilly but if she's not, if she's a tomboy it could be Mattie," Jo surmised. "Now for the important question does it ping?"

"Matilda," Arizona said, needing to hear it said out loud again. "Matilda Robbins."

"Matilda Jo Robbins," Jo corrected.

Chuckling Arizona threw her head backwards. "Jo eh?"

"It pings right?" Jo guessed, seeing the look in the surgeon's eyes.

"Yeah," Arizona agreed. "It pings. It's definitely going on the short list. In fact at the moment it's the only name on the short list."

The conversation was interrupted by the loud bleep of a pager. "Not mine," Jo celebrated at the same time that Arizona was commiserating the fact it was hers.

"The ER?" Jo wondered.

"Nope, it's Alex, 911 to the NICU," Arizona replied as Jo offered to clear her plate away.

Jo was only left sitting alone for a few moments before she found herself joined by Edwards. "Since when did you and Robbins become best friends?"

"None of your business," Jo growled.

"You've gone weird," Edwards frowned, watching the anger that bubbled across her friend's face.

Standing up Jo loaded Arizona's empty plate onto her tray. "You know what you're right; she's my friend and … I don't care what you all have to say or what you think about that. Ar … Dr. Robbins is a good person, she's a good doctor and she doesn't deserve all the gossiping that is going on behind her back."

GA – GA – GA

"Everything ok?" Arizona asked, entering the NICU.

Alex nodded, taking off his gloves and heading towards her. "Yeah."

"You paged 911," Arizona huffed, looking around and seeing that everything seemed to be calm and stable in the NICU.

"No I didn't," Alex replied, shaking his head.

Arizona looked down at her pager. "See; Karev – 911 – NICU."

"Yeah that's what it says but I didn't send it," Alex frowned. "I promise, all is good here."

"Then who the hell paged me?" Arizona exclaimed, practically throwing her hands up into the air and turning to walk out.

A tentative voice stopped her from leaving the room. "It was me."

Turning around Arizona looked in the direction of the voice. "Sofia? What the …" she trailed off, scooping the little girl into her arms.

"I missed you," Sofia whispered into her mother's ear.

Taking a few calming breaths Arizona sent a glare in Alex's direction as he started laughing. "You're supposed to be in daycare Goose."

"I know," Sofia agreed. "Mama picked me up so we could have lunch together right?'

"Right," Arizona nodded.

Sofia climbed down from her mom's arms as Arizona led them over to a chair in the room off the NICU, pulling the youngster into her lap.

"Then she got a beeper," Sofia continued. "I said that I didn't want her to go, that we were supposed to have lunch because I was staying at yours tonight and I wouldn't see her till tomorrow, right?"

"Right," Arizona repeated, struggling slightly to keep up.

Sofia smiled, pleased that her mom was understanding her so far. "But she said that it was Aunt Mer, paging 911 to the ER and when friends page 911 you have to meet them where they say, right?"

"Right," Arizona found herself saying for the third time.

"So she dropped me off with her baby-doctor and then he got paged, he told me to stay, but I was bored so I came here to find you because I missed you, but you weren't here but I saw Michelle and I told her that she had to page you 911 to the NICU but to put Uncle Alex's name on it because when a friend pages you 911 you have to meet them, right?" Sofia concluded, her head bobbing excitedly as she told her story.

Arizona couldn't help but laugh. "Right. And Michelle just agreed to this?"

"Yep," Sofia sang. "She said 'cos she knew you weren't busy and she didn't want me getting lost and causing even more trouble," she explained.

"Sensible," Arizona agreed. "But Goose next time you miss me just have someone call my cellphone, ok?"

Sofia nodded. "Ok mommy."

Standing back up she headed back through the NICU. "Want to get a hot chocolate from the coffee cart?"

"Always," Sofia exclaimed. "With cream and marshmallows?"

"Always," Arizona echoed.

Alex watched as the mother and daughter headed through the NICU, the young-girl chatting away at warp speed as her mother listened happily, content just to be in the company of her daughter.

"Everything ok?" Alex asked.

Sofia stopped and faced her friend. "Mommy's a little mad because I paged her 911 and used your name, because you have to come when friends page you 911, but it's ok 'cos we are getting hot chocolate now."

"You paged her 911?" Alex laughed, his voice a mixture of shock and awe. "Way to go Shorty," he said, holding his hand up for a high-5.

Returning the high-5 Sofia spun around as Alex finished taking off his gown. "Want to come?"

"So, seems like you and Callie either have a child genius on your hands or a future member of the FBI's most wanted list, pretty smart move." Alex belly-laughed, unable to hide his amusement at the antics of Sofia Robbin Sloan-Torres.

"Urgh," Arizona groaned. "When did my 6-year-old turn 16?"

Alex looped his arm around her shoulder. "You alright if I tag along?"

"Always," Arizona assured him.

"Are you going to get extra marshmallows too Uncle Alex?" Sofia asked as the 3 of them headed towards the lift, sending a quick text to Callie to let her know that Sofia was safe, with her and might have a budding future in espionage.

Alex lifted Sofia onto his back with ease. "Well it's not a proper hot chocolate unless it has extra marshmallows."

"Mommy do you have to drink two? One for you and one for the baby?" Sofia wondered.

"No, you see she's really little right now so she can share mine," Arizona explained.

Sofia's eyebrows furrowed slightly. "Will I have to share mine? Because I'm her big-sister, I mean I'm ok with sharing some stuff but … not my hot chocolate. Ok?"

"I promise Goose, even when she's big enough for hot chocolate you will always get your own," Arizona reassured her daughter.

"Phew," Sofia whistled. "I was worried there for a minute."

As the trio approached the coffee cart Alex motioned for Arizona and Sofia to sit down as he took his place in line, reaching the front of the line he ordered a chai tea latte and 2 hot chocolates as he looked around, watching as people talked in staged whispers, their gaze directed towards his friend and her daughter.

He hated what people were saying, nearly as much as his girlfriend did and the Alex Karev of a few years ago would have given them a piece of his mind by now. But he also knew that wasn't what Arizona wanted, she was hoping that is she held her head high, got on with her job then they would stop talking and leave her alone. Didn't mean he still didn't feel like punching a few people though.

"Mommy, why is everyone staring at us?" Sofia wondered, looking around at the multiple pair of eyes that were looking in their direction.

"Because they didn't realize you were back," Arizona lied.

Satisfied with that answer Sofia turned her attention back to the coloring book she had pulled from her bag as Alex approached the table with the drinks.

"Can we take this somewhere else?" Arizona whispered, not wanting to alert Sofia to the fact she was uncomfortable with the situation. "Like the attendings lounge or my office, somewhere there's no eyes and whispers and … Sofia is asking questions, seems people aren't as subtle as they think they are," she sighed.

"You shouldn't have to hide away," Alex argued, hating that she felt like this, that people were making her feel like this.

Arizona leaned her head on his shoulder. "I know, it's just exhausting."

"Of course, we can take it somewhere else," Alex said, wanting to do anything he could to make things easier for her.

"You know what, screw them," Arizona proclaimed, pushing herself into a sitting position.

Nudging her with his shoulder Alex grinned. "That's the spirit."

"That's the spirit," Sofia echoed, even though she had no idea what she was talking about, she just didn't like feeling left out.

"How's the hot chocolate?" Alex asked Sofia, changing the subject.

Sofia took a long, loud slurp, whipped cream coating her top lift. "Perfect. You should scribe this for the poorly girls and boys, I bet it will make them feel so much better."

"You might be on to something their Shorty," Alex agreed.

"When I am grown up I'm going to be a doctor," Sofia announced. "But only on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday because on the other days I'm going to be an astronaut."

Taking a sip from her drink Arizona smiled proudly. "Big ambitions Goose."

"What's ambience mean?" Sofia wondered.

"Ambition," Arizona corrected. "And it's kind of like a big word that means plans for the future," she explained.

The little-girl was about to respond when her attention was suddenly diverted elsewhere. "Mama. Mama."

Getting down off of the chair she ran past the coffee cart to where her mama was walking towards them with Meredith Grey.

"Hey Sof," Callie greeted, scooping her daughter up into her arms. "I hear you've been causing a little trouble," she said, raising her eyebrows in her daughter's direction.

Sofia smiled sweetly at her mother. "Just a little bit. But it's only because I missed mommy."

"What did you do?" Meredith asked the youngster as Callie placed the order.

"Well," Sofia began. "I might have had someone page mommy 911 to the baby ward and have them say it was Uncle Alex, but only because mama said that when friends page 911 you meet them."

Biting back a laugh Meredith ruffled her hair affectionately. "Nice."

"Do not encourage the mini master criminal," Callie warned as she put Sofia down before picking up the drinks and heading over to where Arizona and Alex sat.

"Room for 2 more?" Meredith said, suddenly feeling really nervous in the presence of Arizona. After everything Callie had told her about what Arizona had been through she couldn't help but feel guilty. Since Arizona had returned from her sick leave she had tried to speak to her a few times but never followed through on it, telling herself that it wasn't the right time.

Arizona nodded, motioning to the empty chair. "Sure. I was just leaving anyway."

Picking up her drink Arizona kissed her daughter goodbye and promised her that she would see her later.

"Well that was awkward," Alex muttered under his breath.

"She hates me," Meredith sighed.

Alex eyed his oldest friend. "She doesn't hate you, she just doesn't like you."

"Isn't that the same thing?" Meredith huffed.

Scooping some of the whipped cream off the top of his drink Alex licked his finger clean. "No. Hate is a very strong emotion that requires time and thought. Arizona is just indifferent to you, she doesn't hate you but she doesn't like you either, you're just there."

"And that makes me feel so much better," Meredith mumbled, leaning back in her chair as Callie shot her a sympathetic look.

GA – GA – GA

"Robbins," the familiar voice of Richard Webber called after her.

Spinning on her right leg she used her left leg to balance herself once she was facing him. "Hey Richard. Everything ok?"

"Yeah, just touching base," Richard shrugged.

"That's sweet but I'm fine, I promise," Arizona reassured him.

Waiting for her to catch up with him Richard nodded. "I know, I'm still going to ask though."

"Just say it?" Arizona laughed.

"Say what?" Richard asked, her mouth creasing in confusion.

Arizona practically skipped until she was in front if him. "Whatever it is you want to say. I know how this goes; you ask how I am, I say I'm good, you move on to about talking about the weather, maybe ask about my surgeries, Sofia's latest obsession whilst you work up the courage to ask whatever it is you're trying to say."

"So … Torres bought a house," Richard hesitated, stopping for a moment to gage her reaction.

"She did," Arizona nodded. "She's er, moving in tomorrow. From what April was saying her father worked some magic, which probably means he threw money at the problem, and managed to push through all the surveys and voila, Callie has her dream house."

Richard was finding it hard to tell how she was feeling about it. "And that makes you feel?"

"You're not my therapist Richard," Arizona laughed. "But I'm good with it, Callie putting back down roots means Sofia is really here for good so … I'm good with it."

"You're seeing a therapist?" Richard wondered, unsure if she had just been joking or she actually did have one.

Arizona nodded. "I am."

"Since when?" Richard wondered.

"I had my first therapy yesterday," Arizona whispered, after all they were in GSMH and the walls had ears.

Richard slipped his hand into hers. "That's … a big step, Robbins I'm … it's a big step."

"Thank you," Arizona smiled. "I'm not really telling people yet, I mean not there's much to tell, I don't even know how I feel about it yet but … I'm taking steps, I'm fixing me."

"I'm proud of you Robbins," Richard whispered, pulling her closer to him.

Arizona leaned her head against. "I'm proud of me too."

As they headed towards the OR board Arizona's phone started ringing. "Hello Dr. Robbins … yes this is Arizona Robbins."

Richard watched as her whole body went rigid, her face pale and her eyes darting around as if she was expecting some invisible evil to come for her.

Feeling her hand tremor in his he gently guided her away from the prying eyes of the hospital and into the attendings lounge. Locking the door behind them he pulled the blinds closed and helped her sit down on the couch. For a few more minutes he could hear one worded, one sided answer as she talked to whoever was on the phone before dropping it to the floor.

"I'm going to be sick," she mumbled, her movements chaotic and frantic as she bolted towards the bathroom, the crash of her leg hitting the ground followed by a violent retching sound.

Whilst Richard knew that he was one of Arizona's closest friends he wasn't sure he was the right person to be dealing with this situation. She was once again walking a tightrope and one wrong move could send her over the edge.

He had no idea what the phone call was about, who was on the other end but whatever had happened it had just sent her carefully reconstructed equilibrium crashing to the ground at warp speed.

Making a snap decision he sent a 911 page, hovering at the door as he heard the retching begin to slow down. "Robbins?"

"Please," Arizona pleaded, her voice hoarse from throwing up. "Please, I just need a minute."

"Ok," Richard agreed.

An urgent knocking on the door caused him to jump, opening the blind he smiled tightly as he unlocked the door and let the other person in.

"What's wrong?" Jo asked, stepping into the room.

"I don't know," Richard admitted. "One minute she was fine and then she got a phone call and she wasn't fine, I didn't know what else to do so …"

Jo nodded. "Thank you."

"Call me if you need anything, anything at all," Richard pleaded as he left the room.

Knocking on the door Jo leaned against the wall. "Arizona?"

"I'm ok," Arizona cried.

"I'm coming in," Jo informed her, waiting a few seconds before entering.

Upon entering the bathroom Jo found Arizona leaning heavily against the wall, her chest rising and falling with rapid breaths. Carefully she sat down behind her. "Can I hold you?" she asked, sensing the other woman's fear.

Through her tears Arizona nodded. "Yeah."

"Just concentrate on breathing, we don't have to talk about it, whatever it is but you need to just breath, in and out," Jo instructed.

For almost 10 minutes they sat on the floor, Arizona's body curling in to Jo's as her breathing finally slowed down and she felt ready to move away from the bathroom, wordlessly Jo helped Arizona to her feet and back over to the couch.

"You don't have to talk," Jo began. "But I can listen if that's what you need."

"That was er … the police, they need me to come down to the station as there has been some developments in my case … that's what the worst night of my life is to them … a case … I … don't know if I can do this, oh God, everything was going so well. I should have known something would happen," Arizona sobbed as with one phone call her whole world was spent spinning on its axis again.

GA

GA

GA

GA

Here ends part one of this story, before we move onto part two just a few things;

1\. I don't hate Meredith, I just hate some of her actions, I promise she will get a chance to explain it just comes a little later in the story plus I wanted someone that Callie could confide in 100%.

2\. That little stunt Sofia pulled, my friends 7-year-old actually did that, she had her mom paged 911 to the ward she worked on because she missed her.

3\. A Jo/Arizona friendship is something I have wanted to write about for a while, it think it is something that had it been given the chance could have really worked, the past scene in chapter 8 was one of the first ones I write.

4\. I know we haven't had any Callie/Arizona interaction for a while but as we move into part 2 and Arizona faced her demons there will be a lot more between them. Promise.

5\. I have had a baby-name decided from the start, sorry if people hate it but the last chapter of this story was actually the first scene I wrote a long, long time ago and I'm pretty attached to the name I chose for Baby Robbins.

AND FINALLY ... thank you so much for all of the comments they really mean a lot, I was nervous about posting and it helps to break that fear. I will try and update as quickly as possible until it's finished (30 chapters) but for the next 8 weeks I will be in 6 different countries so I have no idea what the wifi/mobile internet situation is until I get there.


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